Happy Thursday, Persephoneers! We’re on our way to our countdown to the weekend, but we’re still so far away from it! No worries. Take a break from your long, stressful day with some good zingers from Chapter Seven of Fifty Shades of Grey. I guarantee you, it’ll be the best way you ever spent your ten minutes while sticking to those UFYH 20/10s.
The first thing I notice is the smell: leather, wood, polish with a faint citrus scent. It’s very pleasant, and the lighting is soft, subtle. In fact, I can’t see the source, but it’s around the cornice in the room, emitting an ambient glow. The walls and ceiling are a deep, dark burgundy, giving a womb-like effect to the spacious room, and the floor is old, old varnished wood.
Yes, the room is clean and all set for kinky sexytimes, all thanks to the power of Murphy’s Oil Soap.
Weirdly, all the wood, dark walls, moody lighting and oxblood leather makes the room kind of soft and romantic”¦ I know it’s anything but; this is Christian’s version of soft and romantic.
Yeah, it’s Dom Frollo’s, too. Get it – Dom, Dominant?
I think I’m in shock. My subconscious has emigrated or been struck dumb or simply keeled over and expired. I am numb. I can observe and absorb but not articulate my feelings about all this, because I’m in shock. What is the appropriate response to finding out a potential lover is a complete freaky sadist or masochist? Fear”¦ yes”¦ that seems to be the overriding feeling. I recognize it now. But weirdly not of him ““ I don’t think he’d hurt me, well, not without my consent.
Her subconscious has emigrated from the Valley of Medulla Oblongata to the much safer cerebral cortex. This is why you can’t name how you’re feeling, because she can’t name it for you. And you don’t think he’d hurt you? Just what are you smoking or huffing? Oh, yeah, per the agreement, you can’s smoke or do any illegal drugs, so you’re just in denial!
‘It’s about gaining your trust and your respect, so you’ll let me exert my will over you. I will gain a great deal of pleasure, joy even, in your submission. The more you submit, the greater my joy ““ it’s a very simple equation.’
‘Okay, and what do I get out of this?’
He shrugs and looks almost apologetic.
‘Me,’ he says simply.
No, it’s about him sucking all life out of you until there’s nothing left. He can keep his lousy prize – let’s locomo! Laters, baby!
‘Why is anyone the way they are? That’s kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Do you like cheese? Mrs. Jones ““ my housekeeper ““ has left this for supper.’ He takes some large, white plates from a cupboard and places one in front of me.
We’re talking about cheese”¦ Holy crap.
Yes, he’s waxing faux philosophic about cheese. What a turn-on. Oh, be still, my beating heart!
My stomach somersaults ““ he wants me”¦ in a weird way, true, but this beautiful, strange, kinky man wants me.
Oh, you sweet summer child!
Food:
The Submissive will eat regularly to maintain her health and wellbeing from a prescribed list of foods (Appendix 4). The Submissive will not snack between meals, with the exception of fruit.
Sorry, but Larry Boy and Bob the Tomato just don’t count.
Personal Qualities: The Submissive will conduct herself in a respectful and modest manner at all times. She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on the Dominant. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of the Dominant.
Um…can you say freaky and downright scary? But I guess if you don’t tell him, Ana, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? RIGHT?
Hard Limits
No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.
No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.
No acts involving children or animals.
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.
No acts involving breath control.
No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire or flames to the body.
Just because he lists these as off-limits doesn’t mean that it’s a good sign, Ana…
Ugh. He has to write these down! Of course ““ they all look very sensible, and frankly, necessary”¦ any sane person wouldn’t want to be involved in this sort of thing, surely? Though I now feel a little queasy.
Well, you wanted to know what it would entail, Ana. Happy now? Yes, it might mean he’s insane. BUT DOES THAT EVEN MATTER TO YOU?
Um yeah, like Christian couldn’t say it any louder…
I squirm uncomfortably again and stare at my knotted fingers. “Tell me,” he commands. “Well”¦ I’ve not had sex before, so I don’t know.” My voice is small. I peek up at him, and he’s staring at me, mouth-open, frozen, and pale – really pale. “Never?” he whispers. I shake my head. “You’re a virgin?” he breathes. I nod, flushing again. He closes his eyes and looks to be counting to ten. When he opens them again, he’s angry, glaring at me. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” he growls.
Christian is just mad at himself because he didn’t hire a certain consulting detective who could have deduced that Ana was a virgin simply by looking at her.
And that’s all for the week! Have a great weekend, and get yourselves ready for next week when we start getting into some very unsexy WTF moments.
5 replies on “Linotte Reads “Fifty Shades of Grey”: Chapter Seven”
I originally read: ‘No acts involving breath control’Â as no acts involving BIRTH control and had a mini-seizure in my seat before I realized I had read it wrong. Ha.
“No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.
No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.
No acts involving children or animals.
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.
No acts involving breath control.
No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire or flames to the body.”
I just want to point out that anyone I know who is really into BDSM, especially those into it enough to have a whole room full of toys, is in to at least one of the things on this list (none of them are into animals/children, thank god, but pretty much all the rest of them I’ve met.)Â Now, I’m sure there are plenty of super kinky people who aren’t in to any of this, but to me this is a sign (and I’ve heard there are LOTS) that the author didn’t do her research.
Also, I am so grateful for these and Jennifer Armintrout’s recaps, because they allow me to understand what this business is about, be educated enough to critique it on a basic level if not in depth, and save me from having to READ the stupid thing. Seriously, I can only read a couple chapters of RECAP in a row before I start wanting to throw things. Mad kudos for actually suffering through this crap and giving the rest of us the benefit of your struggle.
The author also has some very wacked-out ideas about the whole idea of consent, sex, what constitutes sexual assault, sexual harassment, the concept of BDSM, sexual abuse, the whole thing.  I’m wondering if she chose to try and go the Jacqueline Susann route with this and make it as naughty, sensational, and forbidden as possible to get the maximum amount of page views, because it certainly seems like it.  But FFS, if you want to write a potboiler, at least do your research into things.  I’ve read some wonderful pastiches and parallel novels that are awesome because the author did his or her research.
And also, to add insult to injury, even though her books were potboilers, Jacqueline Susann could write. Â She could convey more in just a few lines of dialogue than James can in a whole page.
And Jennifer Armintrout is on my ever-growing to-read list.
.
I just feel like… there’s so much here that could be SO GOOD, if only Ana wasn’t a total idiot. Being into submission doesn’t make you an idiot. Agreeing to sign up to an abusive dom makes you an idiot.
Also… yeah, this list makes him a really tame top. I used to be a display model for BDSM shows and I loved getting set on fire. Christian’s a wimp.
Christian, you’re a dried up cow shit. Ana, read into getting a spine. Love, freckle.
I just can’t get over the fact that people enjoy this stuff in a not-ironic way.
5 replies on “Linotte Reads “Fifty Shades of Grey”: Chapter Seven”
I originally read: ‘No acts involving breath control’Â as no acts involving BIRTH control and had a mini-seizure in my seat before I realized I had read it wrong. Ha.
“No acts involving fire play.
No acts involving urination or defecation and the products thereof.
No acts involving needles, knives, piercing, or blood.
No acts involving gynecological medical instruments.
No acts involving children or animals.
No acts that will leave any permanent marks on the skin.
No acts involving breath control.
No activity that involves the direct contact of electric current (whether alternating or direct), fire or flames to the body.”
I just want to point out that anyone I know who is really into BDSM, especially those into it enough to have a whole room full of toys, is in to at least one of the things on this list (none of them are into animals/children, thank god, but pretty much all the rest of them I’ve met.)Â Now, I’m sure there are plenty of super kinky people who aren’t in to any of this, but to me this is a sign (and I’ve heard there are LOTS) that the author didn’t do her research.
Also, I am so grateful for these and Jennifer Armintrout’s recaps, because they allow me to understand what this business is about, be educated enough to critique it on a basic level if not in depth, and save me from having to READ the stupid thing. Seriously, I can only read a couple chapters of RECAP in a row before I start wanting to throw things. Mad kudos for actually suffering through this crap and giving the rest of us the benefit of your struggle.
The author also has some very wacked-out ideas about the whole idea of consent, sex, what constitutes sexual assault, sexual harassment, the concept of BDSM, sexual abuse, the whole thing.  I’m wondering if she chose to try and go the Jacqueline Susann route with this and make it as naughty, sensational, and forbidden as possible to get the maximum amount of page views, because it certainly seems like it.  But FFS, if you want to write a potboiler, at least do your research into things.  I’ve read some wonderful pastiches and parallel novels that are awesome because the author did his or her research.
And also, to add insult to injury, even though her books were potboilers, Jacqueline Susann could write. Â She could convey more in just a few lines of dialogue than James can in a whole page.
And Jennifer Armintrout is on my ever-growing to-read list.
.
I just feel like… there’s so much here that could be SO GOOD, if only Ana wasn’t a total idiot. Being into submission doesn’t make you an idiot. Agreeing to sign up to an abusive dom makes you an idiot.
Also… yeah, this list makes him a really tame top. I used to be a display model for BDSM shows and I loved getting set on fire. Christian’s a wimp.
Christian, you’re a dried up cow shit. Ana, read into getting a spine. Love, freckle.
I just can’t get over the fact that people enjoy this stuff in a not-ironic way.