In interviews about his movie Ted, Seth McFarlane credits Peter Jackson with creating excellent critter CGI, which had never previously been used in a comedy. I think Peter Jackson should punch Seth McFarlane with a hobbit.
To be fair, Ted has a handful of moments that are genuinely funny without relying on racist, homophobic, sexist stereotypes. Those moments are all in the first 20 minutes. Overall, it’s the laziest goddamned filmmaking I’ve forced myself to watch all the way to the end in a very long time.
Ted fails the Bechdel test. There are only two named women in the movie, and the only time they interact is to get into a cat fight. The only other women in the movie are a trio of hookers (one of whom shits on the floor) hired by talking teddy bear, Ted, and a trio of Mila Kunis’ co-workers, with whom Kunis’ character only talks about her boyfriend. Oh, wait, Norah Jones also appears as herself, and a former fuck-buddy of Ted’s. Ted insults her for being Muslim and then says, “Thanks for 9/11.” Yes, Seth McFarlane is the Shakespeare of our time.
Many reviews I’ve read praise Ted for being hilarious and having a lot of heart. Perhaps I’m too stupid and lady-brained to see it, but I totally missed the heart in this movie between the fat jokes, the racist jokes, the rape jokes and the shit-on-the-floor jokes. HAHAHAHAHA. Fat people. HAHAHAHA. Knight Rider was a thing. HAHAHAHA. Floor shit.
Mark Wahlberg was fine as Human Dude. Mila Kunis was fine as Human Lady. Giovanni Ribisi was weird as the embodiment of a shout out to Silence of the Lambs. It doesn’t matter, because this movie is terrible.
Don’t waste your time, your brain cells or (especially) your hard-earned dollars on this. Even if you like fat jokes, you can do better than this steaming turd of a movie.