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New Show Recap: True Blood, Episode 5.06, “Hopeless”

I want to gorge on human blood not because some f***ing Bible tells me to, but because I like it. It’s fun!

So here we are gang, smack in the middle of this season – six episodes in, six more to go. I rather liked this week’s entry. It had a number of good scenes and more screen time for Russell, which always ranks high in the plus column. But I can’t shake the impression that we’re just treading water before launching into the True Blood customary end-of-season roller-coaster.

Sookie, Alcide, Bill and Eric

It turns out that the thing dragging Alcide away was not an army of Russell-turned vampires, but some of the Shreveport werewolves. (If that is confusing, recall that Russell had wolves in hock to him in season 3 as well.) Russell and Sookie have a little tête-à-tête which ends in a conversation-killing application of microwave fingers, because just as she predicted, Sookie is practically the only person who can take Russell. Eric threatens to kill Russell, Bill threatens to kill Eric for wanting to kill Russell, and then the Authority strike team shows up and ends the whole stand off.

In the most sexually charged scene this season, Eric glamours Alcide into forgetting about the evening (and, while he’s at it, protects his claim to Sookie’s precious fairy vagina by convincing the wolf that he’ll protect her with his life, but isn’t she kinda ew, gross to touch). Bill fake glamours Sookie into forgetting everything about vampires and their relationships to her and that she should go on and live a happy, human life. OK, I GET IT BALL, BILL IS THE BEST AND THEY’RE MEANT TO BE. Stop shoving it down my throat already.

Bill and Eric return to the Authority. Alcide wakes up in Sookie’s bed thinking they did it, which is weird, you know, because touching her is gross and makes him recoil.

Sookie is over all of it, everything, and restores Alcide’s memories, goes to work and complains about men, breaks into the fairy bar to talk to Hadley and light-fingers her fairy godfather, Claude, because she is just sick of this shit and she ain’t putting up with it any longer.

I am totally team Sookie this year, you guys.

The Authority

Bill and Eric are hailed as conquering heroes by the Chancellors and Detective Stabler, who interrupts his very important Nike-sponsored indoor golf game to bust open a bottle of very old blood and demand Russell’s execution. Eric, who is 1000 years old and a much better political creature than this, stumbles all over himself trying to say the right thing to everyone so he can get permission to see Nora.

Everything at the Authority smells like a setup and Detective Stabler is the only one fooled by it. The Authority strike team kills all the human witnesses who can identify the woman who dug Russell out. Salome clearly passes a coded message to Nora in her jail cell and is obviously lying about silvering Russell. Nora claims that Lilith is coming.

And then everyone stands around and watches Russell kill Detective Stabler. Goodbye, Detective Stabler. You were not nearly shirtless enough for our tastes.

The only mystery left is how many of the Counselors were in on it.

Tara, Pam, Jessica

 

Pam expresses (kinda) motherly pride in Tara’s fighting ability, but also takes yet another moment to attempt to put Tara in her place. The two of them have always been at odds with each other – it doesn’t seem like the new maker-child relationship is going to improve that. But Pam is probably the right kind of steel-spined bitch to usher Tara through the pangs of being a newly minted vampire.

Jessica more or less admits to her fee-fees for Hoyt, refuses to get back together and storms out because feelings are confusing, y’all. Hoyt, still depressed, lets another vamp feed on him, expresses an intense death wish, and then gets kidnapped/rescued by the Obama Gang.

This all felt like filler .

 Sam and Luna

 What, Luna’s alive? That was a total left field for the show. Not that I was rooting for her death or anything, but I thought for sure she was a goner last week. Due to her hospitalization, she agrees to let Martha take care of wee-little-wolf-pup Emma. I’m not going to complain about any of this – Martha looks awesome, Luna’s pretty great, and I’m hoping that we get to see Martha beat the snot out of her terrible husband after Alcide does.

Sam convinces Andy to let him tag along in the Obama-hates-shifters investigation. Then he shoots the weird gun shop guy with a crossbow, which I’m interested in seeing how Andy explains away in his police report. This plot feels very season 1 in a good way, where we had a mystery to solve and some tension in the storyline.

And the rest…

 

  • Terry tells Arlene about the murderous smoke demon and killing a civilian woman in Iraq. Stuff goes on here.
  • Jason has another dream about his dad that he wakes from before finding out who killed his parents. The fairies claim that it was some vampire. IF, and I have no real faith in this as a “true” thing in the show, it really was a vampire, I’m putting money on it being Russell. In other news, I don’t believe vampires killed their parents for one hot second.
  • Ruby Jean tells Lafayette that Jesus is being tormented by his bruja uncle, who we met last year and was Bad News Bears from scene 1.

By [E] Slay Belle

Slay Belle is an editor and the new writer mentor here at Persephone Magazine, where she writes about pop culture, Buffy, and her extreme love of Lifetime movies. She is also the editor of powderroom.jezebel.com. You can follow her on Twitter, @SlayBelle or email her at slay@persephonemagazine.com.

She is awfully fond of unicorns and zombies, and will usually respond to any conversational volley that includes those topics.

21 replies on “New Show Recap: True Blood, Episode 5.06, “Hopeless””

Ok, Alcide waking up in Sookie’s fluffy pink quilt with his feet sticking out was hilarious, adorable, and hot all at the same time.

I do still feel like there’s so much plot going on and none of it links up enough.

– the battle for power among the Authority

– the shifter-hunters

– the faeries

– Pam/Tara

– Terry, Patrick and the fire demon. And also, WTF was that? That seems to be introducing a huuuuge jump in the supernatural element of TB.

The puppy is unbelievable cute, but all I see is a husky pup, not a wolf pup. I wonder if she’s actually a shifter, not a werewolf. Martha would know the difference though, so either the show is trying to pass off a dog as a wolf, or Martha knows her grand-daughter is a shifter an isn’t saying anything. Really, it could go either way.

That little puppy is just blatant manipulation of my love for puppies. Even with the badly CGI’d glowy eyes.

Also, some of the online discussions are debating Meloni’s death, since they didn’t actually show the goo puddle explosion. I’m on the fence.

I read a really interesting theory that he’s going to come back as Lilith. That would be kind of ridiculous/awesome. Then again, I didn’t see any hint of such things in the trailer for the next episode, but that might not mean anything.

Ruby Jean is possibly the only person more fabulous than Lafayette in the entire series. More, please!

I’m not a fan of Sookie’s cutesy bedroom.

Nerdy-looking Claude has given me a new interest in the fairies – a faint one, but still.

That is actually about all I’ve got.

I’m hoping book readers know who killed Sookie’s parents and that this is all a set-up for season 6. I want that storyline because it justifies some characters that we keep seeing. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that.

In related news I can’t remember how to do the fancy spoiler thing, so I’m going to look that up now.

In more related news, I realized while watching this episode that I’d like a new love interest for Sookie to be introduced. I don’t care if it’s a book character or a Ball character. Not because I think this show needs more characters but because I’m tired of the whole Alcide/Eric/Bill love square. She’s been too on the fence about Alcide to make that work and just one good season of Sookie with a boyfriend would be nice. No story needed. In fact it would be kind of funny if he was just there. He could be like the audience but on camera, watching the insanity and finding it as shocking and ridiculous as it is – saying the things we’re thinking. And Sookie could say things like “Ignore the goo and fuck me.” Stuff the boys always get the say or do.

Yea I’m surprised Luna’s alive too. I didn’t want her to die either, but I could’ve gone either way. It makes sense she’s alive so that it creates tension with the wolf pack. If she had died then Emma would’ve gone to the wolves by default. Still not sure if Martha is a good or bad guy, and I totally didn’t put together that one douche being her husband. I’m with you and hope she kicks his ass.

I *loved* the bit of Ruby Jean and Lafayette.

I can do without the Terry, Jason, and Hoyt story-lines. Let’s see more Jessica/Tara/Pam!

So…I’m guessing Salome and Eric’s sister aren’t sanguinistas? Maybe just Russel followers. Otherwise it doesn’t make sense to save him. If they wanted to get rid of Stabler then it was a fool move bringing in Russel who will just want to take over everything, not? Guess we’ll figure out what gives next episode.

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