News Appetizers: Mittens Makes The World Go Blah

Quelle horreur, you sweet peaches, you have returned. Dirty minds! You come back for torture-like conditions, submitting your mind to one of the deadliest of punishments: reality?

Sure, it’s all about the news, but, well, the news – she is like a beast that cannot be contained, a monster of epic, outright proportions. Nonetheless, like adventure-seeking champions, bent on getting your next high, you want to ravish yourselves with the worst of the current world, lapping it up like even the most docile I have chained up in my basement. Over-poetic much? Well, let’s just ignore that for now, and move forward with the information bent on testing our very limits.

No Mittens, please, keep talking at me.

Our friend Mittens made the great journey across the pond and in the great American fashion, offended everyone. “We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. Of course it’s easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere.” Oh Mittens. Thanks for making this election so very easy. (The Guardian)

Meanwhile, this asshole is sending notebooks, asking how Dark Knight ends, and in a super duper good PR move, claiming amnesia. Girl, no. (Huffington Post, Examiner, LAist)

Shit is about to go down in Syria. A pro-regime newspaper is warning of a looming “battle of all battles” in Syria’s commercial capital, Aleppo. (Al Jazeera)

4.5 million dollars is about to be cut from SNAP, as the looming deadline on the Farm Bill approaches. Here’s why everyone loses. (Colorlines)

I suppose the most recent bath salts episodes have scared folks into actually doing something. (MSNBC)


Are you satisfied with this round of masochistic exposure to what the world can bring? Are you staring blank-eyed and slack-jawed at the news headlines and think, “How did I get here?” Are you lapping up sadness and hurt like the wolfenheimer you have become? Well, fear not, for even with the constant exposure to the world “out there,” we can take comfort in the distance between it and ourselves sometimes.

6 replies on “News Appetizers: Mittens Makes The World Go Blah”

Sunday! I’m expecting a massive jolt of fuckery from that trip. He and Bibi can be all smarmy together, which will please his Zionist backers and possibly some of the Evangelical crew; he’ll be dog-whistling to high heaven, and, possibly, even backing nukes (what with Netanyahu still claiming that the Bulgarian bus bombing was the work of Iran and Hezbollah). Fun times with Mittens!

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