Op Ed

Takedown: Bingo Was Its Name-O

Everybody loves a good game of bingo, right? Just because somebody is racist and classist (among other things) doesn’t mean they can’t play along. At least, that’s what this crapdate poster wants you to believe.

Who says assholes can’t play bingo?

To start, let me say that there are lots of reasons to avoid Walmart, and two gigantic reasons not to: it has very cheaply priced merchandise for those without a lot of money, and it is extremely convenient for those without a lot of time. People short on money and time shop at Walmart because it’s the only reasonable option. People who don’t shop at Walmart out of principle are able to make that choice because they can afford something else.

In other words, the crapdate poster is making a joke out of a group of people, many of whom are forced into that group because of circumstances outside of their control. Awesome.

Let’s break up the different squares into different sections.

#1) People from the country are poor, act in stereotypical ways, and are therefore funny. They wear camouflage (because hunting is a sport, and why is free range organically fed deer meat awesome, but those who actually go out and get it ridiculous?)! Their children are barefoot! (I wish Sofia would be more barefoot more often. Her tender citified feet make me feel like a failure as a parent.) They wear Rebel Flag T-shirts (because only poor people from the South are racist)! They eat part of candy bars and then leave them behind (that’s not something poor people do, it’s something thieves do, and guess what? That’s not the same thing)!

The whole point of this game is to look around at the customers of Walmart, laugh at how terrible the poor country people are, and put some distance between yourself and those who live in poverty. It might make the crapdate poster feel better about themselves, but that’s just because they aren’t secure enough in their own position to feel good without making other people feel bad. Congratulations, crapdate poster, you’ve just shown how insecure you are.

#2) People who work at Walmart are poor. These jokes write themselves, amirite? Is that a greeter? Or a homeless person? I can’t tell because the greeters are all probably poor homeless people! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh wait, it’s not funny. It’s a disgusting side effect of the free market.

#3) People who go to Walmart have health problems, which are obviously hilarious. There is a person with an eye patch! They have no teeth in their middle age! Isn’t it funny when people can’t afford health care, and then have the nerve to shop in a discount store?

#4) People who go to Walmart are bad at being adults. They go to Walmart in their pajamas! They buy beer and diapers! There is a kid riding a bike in the store! There is a man with vomit on his shirt! There is a car decal depicting urination! There is a family giving away kittens!

Perhaps this is because lately I’ve been feeling very defensive about everybody judging every aspect of my life, but for the love of all things holy – who gives a shit if somebody is shopping in their pajamas. Does it really hurt you if somebody else thinks urination is funny? And if I have to start worrying about buying beer at different times than when I buy diapers, I actually might lose my mind for real. If I need diapers, and I need beer, I’m going to buy them. Together. And it’s not any of the crapdate poster’s business.

#5) People who go to Walmart make bad fashion choices. They smell bad! They have bad haircuts! They wear Wolf Boy shirts! They wear Crocs and ugh. Wifebeater. Ugh.

My little brother has a Wolf Boy shirt, and he’s the most incredible person I’ve ever known. Seriously, there is not a single person who doesn’t like him, he’s hilarious, and you, crapdate poster, can go fuck yourself.

#6) Walmart has cheap stuff. What is wrong with pickels [sic] sold in bulk? What is wrong with low prices? Is this part of the joke? That Walmart is cheap? Because… that’s stupid.

#7) The person who wrote this bingo is an asshole. A White girl with 3+ multiracial kids is only funny if you think races shouldn’t mix, and if you think that women shouldn’t have sex with more than one person. A person weighing more than 300 pounds is only funny if you think that the thin (and only the thin) shall inherit the earth. A pregnant girl with a tramp stamp is only funny if (again) you think that women who have sex are funny and shameful, and while I appreciate the convenience of having a short name to describe both a tattoo and its placement, “tramp stamp” needs to fucking die.

To the crapdate poster: Instead of wandering around Walmart and thinking about how much better you are than the other customers, your time would be better spent thinking about what frightens you about people who are poor, people who are disadvantaged. If they don’t frighten you, there’s no reason for you to artificially widen the distance between you and them by making such a display of the differences between you. Poor people aren’t worse than you, they just have less money. And, most likely, more class, given the shit you are spreading around the Internet.

By Susan

I am old and wise. Perhaps more old than wise, but once you're old, you don't give a shit about details anymore.

14 replies on “Takedown: Bingo Was Its Name-O”

If they gave a homeless person a job as a greeter, wouldn’t that be a good thing? A lot of companies won’t hire someone who doesn’t have an address or a phone, so the homeless get trapped in a cycle.

Secondly, it’s hard to find plus size clothes that are cheap. Last time I was in a Wal-Mart (admittedly that was about 5 years ago) they had a decent amount that weren’t too hideous. Guess what a person who weighs 300 pounds wears?

Thirdly, Susan, you are the wind beneath my wings with these takedowns.

It’s already been said, but bears repeating – buying beer at the same time as diapers was a given on the Bells family monthly Costco trip when Bells Jr was still crapping his pants.

I saw this one the other day and almost sent it to you, Susan.  You always know just what to rage about!  Well done as always.

The greeter one really annoyed me. When I lived in Tallahassee (where I had not so excellent funding for out of state grad students at a public R-1 university in a state going through rough financial times) I shopped at walmart a fair bit. One of the greeters was a petite woman in her late 70s, and she was always really kind/she recognized me so sometimes we would chat. Then she was gone for like a month (and I got a bit worried) and when she came back she looked like she had been ill (she couldn’t stand as easily and had sores on her face). The fact that this little old lady with sores on her face was working at walmart is a sign of a country without a decent social safety net for the elderly,  not of how funny/trashy walmart is.

Also, have you ever seen the blog, “People of Walmart” ? One of my room mates in undergrad loved it. Surprise, surprise, she turned out to be a total asshole.

The beer and diapers thing is the only judgmental trap I may fall into. After a summer spent babysitting for a rather horrible family, I have a permanent anger toward people who spend more money on beer than they do on food for their kids. That said – I know it is one of my hot-button issues and I do try to assume that someone who had to make a beer and diaper run just happened to run out of both at the same time and it in no way reflects on their parenting skills.

As for the rest, whoever made this up can fuck off.

A good friend of my partner’s is a fairly successful stand-up comedian over here in Britain (he’s on Radio 4 a lot). He does a short routine about finding things in supermarkets that have been left in the wrong places, like a packet of diapers left in the whiskey aisle. As he puts it (paraphrase), “That must be the worst day of your life. Things cannot get any worse than that.”

I have several friends on facebook who post things like this or People of Walmart. I always want to post something along the lines of, “Yes. How dare someone whose physical appearance doesn’t meet your standards go out in public. They should have waited patiently in their homes for your approval before leaving to buy things like groceries or lightbulbs.” But unfortunately I’m not sure they would understand the sarcasm. Also I should clarify that these people are family members or coworkers who I cannot unfriend or hide without major drama.

Also, are people who have children in diapers not allowed to drink beer any more? That seems unfair. They probably need a drink more than anyone.

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