Greetings to all you lovely folks out in blog land. I wanted to do things a wee bit different this week, because a girl needs some goddamn beauty sleep every now and then, m’kay? Instead of our normal question and answer diddle, I wanted to post a happy testimonial in regards to our old sister column, Frisky Feminist, and the article that made us happen. We aren’t just working in a vacuum! You love us! You really love us!
Look, unbeknowst to all you out in TV land, this sex advice swilling columnist wants it to work. I want you to have orgasms and good times, to feel at home in your body, to push past boundaries, and, a personal plea from me, to have the best sex of your life as one, big, giant dildo-sized fuck you to Representative Todd Aiken, who seems to have confused a duck vagina with a human vagina, leading me to believe that he must be a duck fucker (and to paraphrase the magical words of The Riot Mag, perhaps this isn’t true, but since SeÃ±or Akin feels no need to check his facts on human biology or even perhaps dwell on his 50 Shades of Grey use of the term “legitimate rape,” I’m not feeling too keen on checking the facts on his duckfucking or lack thereof). Isn’t life magical?
Now kiddos, just an FYI– the following is a graphic depiction of all fun things regarding orgasm, cumming, squirting, and a whole bevy of other things, so if any of that makes you uncomfortable, well, girl, I don’t really know why you are here in the first place. Like any good advice columnist, we love a testimonial. Check out this one from a very satisfied reader, in her own words:
“What is the secret to Squirting” i want to let you know what you have done for me. Ok little story here – I’m 37 next month and I’ve always been very highly sexed. My friends made jokes I was like Sam out of Sex in the City- married for 15 years to another highly sexed guy. Anyway – I have always had that hang up “You WILL NOT wet the bed” and all the times I’ve felt that “need to pee feeling” I’ve instinctively clamped down and ran off to the bathroom asap. The orgasms I’ve had are always very nice but I’ve never squirted – till 3 weeks ago. Ok so – I was looking up porn and found a site on vibrator machines – ok so giggling on it with hubby I went WTF! When she squirted- I’m like I WANT TO DO THAT! And began to research – as soon as they said when coming let go of that “need to pee feeling” and encourage her to pee. It was a hard thought to overcome but he said “look if you end up actually peeing – so what we’ll clean it up.” So I agreed to “pee for him” allowing the thought he was expecting the worst and did not care.
After 2 days of figuring out the complexity – My husband lay me on the edge of the bed with some towels and warmed oil and began to play with water heated toys. He encouraged me to use the vibrator for a clit orgasm and when I felt it coming to push like I was going to pee. All the time he rhythmically moved the *penis like* toy inside me. He pushed up in deep strokes up right into my g-spot (so almost like angled inline with my perineum forcing up to my pubic bone – that angle). And OMG!!!! it happened 4 times within minutes apart- the first time was strong but the second one was JUST huge literally soaking my husband and poured out of me like a release of 30 years. It was so amazing – I shuddered each time with a full body orgasm so strong every time he touched or kissed any part of me he would set off another orgasm. Since then hes been making this happen been daily. We feel so close its incredible!
He is utterly addicted to the taste saying its like a light berry cordial flavour/like sweet electrolyte sports drink LOL – his mouth over me as it happens, hes addicted to watching pour out of me and drinking it. I have to be honest as embarrassed as I was – there is nothing hotter than his lips hard on me slurping it as I’m cuming – you would never expect a guy to drink it let alone let you do this – so its mind blowingly sexy. Im like noo don’t! hes moaning its soo sweet – lol hahahah
But its how my body has responded since I want to tell you – Ive just stopped even the need to want to snack. I have lost weight and done no real exercise. Im not feeling bloated or restless, I have NEVER been SO relaxed and happy the whole day through and I really feel JUST amazing. Everyone keeps commenting how pretty I am atm – my skin is absolutely glowing – sparkly eyes and hubby says I now smile like a goddess”¦
Now I have been through 2 very bad years. PTSD – serious issues and tablet controlled Anxiety attacks and severe depression. So from the most lowest of lows – to feeling like this and sleeping like a baby at night – a full body squirting orgasm – you may think is just a fun in the bed – I know from how I am feeling now – there is more to this than just a lovely response to a beautiful way to make a girl feel
It makes me remember the theory of Hysteria in the 1800-1900s”¦ lol all this time all i needed was this- not 14K of medical help and drugs to cure depression”¦ Lol anyway i wanted you to know – yes you are very very right
Congratulations my dear! It sounds like you two are having a rip roaring good time and we only hope that the good times keep on coming. But we can’t do that without you dearies! Send us your questions, your conundrums, your heart and genital felt good times so we can keep this hot mess of a column running, for one and for all.
Got a question to ask, subject you’d like us to discuss, or myth you’d like us to bust? Keep “˜em coming! (Lord.Have.And.Mercy.) You can send us an anonymous message via the Ask Us! feature here. We promise we don’t bite (unless you’re into that type of thing”¦)