Hi, Persephoneers, it’s Wednesday, known to some as Hump Day. What could make for a better Hump Day than a recap of Chapter Fourteen of Fifty Shades of Grey? Hopefully the laugh-inducing quotes and my scintillating commentary will make the midweek drag a little easier to bear.
Holy hell. I’m completely disorientated. What the hell just happened? I’m in my bedroom alone. How? Why? I sit bolt upright, shocked”¦ wow. It’s morning. I glance at my alarm clock ““ eight o’clock. I put my head in my hands. I didn’t know I could dream sex. Was it something I ate? Perhaps the oysters and my Internet research manifesting itself in my first wet dream. It’s bewildering. I had no idea that I could orgasm in my sleep.
I am so confused. Christian’s idea of a relationship is more like a job offer. It has set hours, a job description, and a rather harsh grievance procedure. It’s not how I envisaged my first romance ““ but, of course, Christian doesn’t do romance. If I tell him I want more, he may say no”¦ and I could jeopardize what he has offered. And this is what concerns me most, because I don’t want to lose him. But I’m not sure I have the stomach to be his submissive ““ deep down, it’s the canes and whips that put me off. I’m a physical coward, and I will go a long way to avoid pain.
I think of my dream”¦ is that what it would be like? My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me.
As he sits, he undoes his single-breasted jacket, and I glimpse his tie. Holy shit”¦ that tie! I rub my wrists reflexively. I cannot take my eyes off him ““ his beauty as distracting as ever ““ and he’s wearing that tie, on purpose no doubt.
Have you ever thought that maybe that tie went well with the suit, Ana? Jeez! Why does it always have to be about you?
‘Look at him!’ one of the girls beside me breathes enthusiastically to her friend.
I stiffen. I’m sure they’re not talking about Professor Collins.
‘Must be Christian Grey.’
‘Is he single?’
‘I don’t think so,’ I murmur.
‘Oh.’ Both girls look at me in surprise.
‘I think he’s gay,’ I mutter.
‘What a shame,’ one of the girls groans.
Yup, that’s the way to keep the rivals away from your fuck buddy. Spread rumors that he’s gay. You’re a sneaky one, Ana!
My jaw falls to the floor. What? Christian was hungry once. Holy crap. Well, that explains a great deal. And I recall the interview; he really does want to feed the world. I desperately rack my brains to remember what Kate had written in her article. Adopted at age four, I think. I can’t imagine that Grace starved him, so it must have been before then, as a little boy. I swallow, my heart constricting at the thought of a hungry, gray-eyed toddler. Oh no. What kind of life did he have before the Greys got hold of him and rescued him?
I’m seized by a sense of raw outrage. Poor, fucked-up, kinky, philanthropic Christian ““ though I’m sure he wouldn’t see himself this way and would repel any thoughts of sympathy or pity”¦.He’s doing all of these good works, running a huge company, and chasing me at the same time. It’s overwhelming.
‘Are you staying for drinks?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know what Ray wants to do.’
‘Your stepfather? I’d like to meet him.’
Oh no”¦ why?
‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’
Christian unlocks the door, his mouth in a grim line.
‘Are you ashamed of me?’
‘No!’ It’s my turn to sound exasperated. ‘Introduce you to my dad as what? “This is the man who deflowered me and wants us to start a BDSM relationship.” You’re not wearing running shoes.’
You look kinda dorky”¦ my subconscious is at her snarky best. So are you going to introduce Ray to the man you’re fucking? She is glaring at me over her wing-shaped spectacles. He’d be so proud. God, I hate her sometimes.
‘Hello, Ray,’ Kate kisses Ray on both cheeks, making him blush. ‘Have you met Ana’s boyfriend? Christian Grey.’
Holy shit”¦ Kate! Fuck! All the blood drains from my face.
‘Mr. Steele, it’s a pleasure to meet you.’ Christian says smoothly, warmly, completely unflustered by Kate’s introduction. He holds out his hand, which, all credit to Ray, Ray takes, not showing a hint of the drop-dead surprise he’s just had thrust upon him.
Well, can you say awkward situation?
‘He seems trÃ©s cool about it, Ana. Don’t sweat it. Look at him now ““ Christian cannot take his eyes off you.’
It’s his death stare.
Suddenly, it’s like we’re on our own in the room. Just the two of us. My whole body has come alive, every nerve ending singing softly, that electricity pulling me to him, charging between us.
No, I just think it’s static.
What have you done? My subconscious screams at me. My inner goddess is doing back flips in a routine worthy of a Russian Olympic gymnast.
But her inner goddess didn’t win a medal at this last Olympics.
Tea is always the answer, according to Ray. I remember my mother complaining about him, saying that when it came to tea and sympathy, he was always good at the tea, not so hot on the sympathy.
No, Ana, he just must be like everyone else who has no sympathy for you.
And that’s a wrap for today!