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Linotte Reads “Fifty Shades of Grey”: Chapter Nineteen

Happy Tuesday, Persephoneers! Picking up from yesterday, we now continue with a recap of Chapter Nineteen of Fifty Shades of Grey. Be prepared for more ridiculousness as you groan, “Why is this book a bestseller when it’s crap?” Because to be honest, I think this during every minute I spend reading the thing. So here we go!

I’m refreshed but suddenly nervous. Holy cow, I am meeting his folks! He’s just worked me over with a riding crop and tied me up using a cable tie which I sold him, for heaven’s sake – and I’m going to meet his parents.

Holy cow, they just did the nasty and she’s going to meet his parents! Major plot twist here!

Where are my panties? I check beneath the chair. Nothing. Then I remember  he squirreled them away in the pocket of his jeans. I flush at the memory, after he”¦ I can’t even bring myself to think about it, he was so  barbarous. I frown. Why hasn’t he given me back my panties?

So why not just ask for them back like a big girl?

I steal into the bathroom, bewildered by my lack of underwear. While drying myself after my enjoyable but far too brief shower, I realize he’s done this on purpose. He wants me to be embarrassed and ask for my panties back, and he’ll either say yes or no. My inner goddess grins at me. Hell”¦ two can play that particular game. Resolving there and then not to ask him for them and not give him that satisfaction, I shall go meet his parents sans culottes. Anastasia Steele! My subconscious chides me, but I don’t want to listen to her – I almost hug myself with glee because I know this will drive him crazy.

Oh, what a devious plan!

I remove the braid and hastily brush out my hair, then glance down at the drink he’s left. It’s pale pink. What’s this? Cranberry and sparkling water. Hmm”¦ it tastes delicious and quenches my thirst.

Oh, how delicious! Notice how everything is just so delicious?

He’s enjoying a private joke, a trace of a smile flirting with his beautiful mouth. I fear that it may be at my expense. What was I thinking? I’m going to see his parents, and I’m not wearing any underwear. My subconscious gives me an unhelpful I told you so expression. In the relative safety of his apartment, it seemed like a fun, teasing idea. Now, I’m almost outside with No Panties!

Come on, Ana, be a badass! Don’t lose your nerve! Meet your new boyfriend’s parents sans panties! You’ll be so naughty. It’ll be such a thrill.

I frown at their exchange. Elliot grasps me in an all-embracing hug. What is this, Hug Ana Week? This dazzling display of affection  I’m just not used to it.

Oh no, not the douche again. And no, Ana, it’s just a big fakeout. They really hate your guts. Get used to it.

‘How was José when you went to the bar with him on Friday?’
Holy fuck, Kate. I widen my eyes at her. What is she doing? She widens her eyes back at me, and I realize she’s trying to make Christian jealous. How little she knows. I thought I’d got away with this.
‘He was fine,’ I murmur.
Christian leans over.
‘Palm-twitchingly mad,’ he whispers. ‘Especially now.’ His tone is quiet and deadly.
Oh no. I squirm.

Uh-oh, you’ve awakened the dragon, Ana. No worries. We can just have Khal Drogo crown him with gold.

 

My mind is working furiously. Damn Kate, what game is she playing? Will he punish me? I quail at the thought. I haven’t signed that contract yet. Perhaps I won’t. Perhaps I’ll stay in Georgia where he can’t reach me.

Please run. Please just get away from him instead of pursuing this.

And in spite of the fact that my stomach is churning from Christian’s veiled threats, the surreptitious glances from pretty little Miss Pigtails, and the debacle of my missing underwear, I am starving. I flush as I realize it’s the physical effort of this afternoon that’s given me such an appetite.

Oh, wow! She wants to eat for the very first time!

‘It’s a beautiful city,’ Mia agrees. ‘In spite of the Parisians. Christian, you should take Ana to Paris,’ Mia states firmly.

That’s because Mia acted like your normal asshole ugly American, though.

‘My heels. I need to take my shoes off.’
‘Don’t bother,’ he says, and he bends down and scoops me over his shoulder. I squeal loudly with shocked surprise, and he gives me a ringing slap on my behind.
‘Keep your voice down,’ he growls.
Oh no”¦ this is not good, my subconscious is quaking at the knees. He’s mad about something  could be José, Georgia, no panties, biting my lip. Jeez, he’s easy to rile.

Please explain how this is OK. Christian is acting very much like the abusive boyfriend here.

‘Where are we going?’ I breathe.
‘Boathouse,’ he snaps.
I hang on to his hips as I’m tipped upside down, and he strides purposefully in the moonlight across the lawn.
‘Why?’ I sound breathless, bouncing on this shoulder.
‘I need to be alone with you.’
‘What for?’
‘Because I’m going to spank and then fuck you.’
‘Why?’ I whimper softly.
‘You know why,’ he hisses.
‘I thought you were an in-the-moment guy?’ I plead breathlessly.
‘Anastasia, I’m in the moment, trust me.’  Holy fuck.  

 

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?! PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THIS IS OK! THIS IS DUBIOUS CONSENT AT THE VERY LEAST! AND ALL SHE CAN SAY IS, “HOLY FUCK?” I KNOW SHE’S TAKEN BY SURPRISE, BUT REALLY? HOW IS THIS HOT?

 

And that’s all for this week! As you can see, there is a lot of questionable shit in this chapter, and I almost threw my Kindle across the room at this. So while I try to process this dysfunctional crap, the rest of you have a good week!

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