Linotte Reads “Fifty Shades of Grey”: Chapter Ten

Happy Friday, all!  Let’s try to get through the final countdown of the work day or the commute (if you’red taking mass transit, that is) with some laughs, and some groans of, “Why did she have to write it like that?” courtesy of Chapter Ten of Fifty Shades of Grey.  So without further ado, here we go!

“Come on, we need to get dressed – that’s if you want to meet my mother.” He grins, leaps up off the bed, and pulls on his jeans, no underwear! 

Oooh, he’s so sex-ay!  He’s just a badass, defying society’s rules of wearing underwear.  What a rebel!  You know how to pick ’em, Ana!

Christian is a real wild one.


Holy shit. Christian’s mother. This is so much more than I bargained for. Perhaps meeting her will help put a little part of the jigsaw in place. Might help me understand why Christian is the way he is”¦ Suddenly, I want to meet her.

So I wonder what kind of poorly researched, half-assed psychobabble she’s going to quote from Freud to explain why Christian is the way he is so she can “save him.”  Yeah, it’s always Mom’s fault, right?  Gee, Ana, maybe he’s an asshole because he wants  to be an asshole.

But if there’s one thing I hate, it’s not wearing clean panties. I rifle through Christian’s chest of drawers and come across his boxer briefs. After pulling on a pair of tight gray Calvin Kleins, I tug on my jeans and my Converse. 

Hey, a girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do, right?

“You’ll be amazed what you can find on the Internet,” he murmurs.
Internet! I don’t have access to a computer, only Kate’s laptop, and I couldn’t use Claytons’, not for this sort of “research” surely?
“What is it?” he asks, cocking his head to one side.
“I don’t have a computer. I’ll see if I can use Kate’s laptop.”

A computer.  She doesn’t have a computer.  Now, I ask you, how does someone get through all four to five years of college without a computer of some kind nowadays?  I know most colleges have a computer lab, and her friend has a laptop, but she can’t use her friend’s laptop the whole time.  I know!

She’s an old-fashioned girl, so she used an old-fashioned typewriter.

“Stop biting your lip, or I will fuck you in the elevator, and I don’t care who gets in with us.”

Just calm the fuck down, Christian. Haven’t you gotten enough for one day? Cut back on the espressos in the morning – they make you all edgy!

The sooner I have your submission the better, and we can stop all this,” he murmurs.
“Stop all what?”
“You, defying me.” He reaches down and cups my chin and plants a swift, sweet kiss on my lips as the doors to the elevator open. He grabs my hand and leads me into the underground garage.

Um…he sure is a creepy one, huh?  I’d rethink this one, Anastasia.  You guys fucked, you had fun, now maybe it’s time to run…

What’s vanilla sex?'”I ask, if anything to distract myself from the intense, burning, sexy look he’s giving me. He laughs.
“Just straightforward sex, Anastasia. No toys, no added extras.'” He shrugs. “You know”¦ well actually you don’t, but that’s what it means.”
“Oh.” I thought it was chocolate fudge brownie sex that we had, with a cherry on the top. But hey, what do I know?

Really, when you think of it, Ana, WHAT DO YOU KNOW – ABOUT ANYTHING?!

“Why have you never had vanilla sex before? Have you always done”¦ err, what you’ve done?” I ask, intrigued.
He nods slowly.
“Sort of.'” His voice is wary. He frowns for a moment and seems to be engaged in some kind of internal struggle. Then he glances up, a decision made. “One of my mother’s friends seduced me when I was fifteen.”
“Oh.” Holy shit that’s young!
“She had very particular tastes. I was her submissive for six years.'” He shrugs.

OK, this part?  This isn’t even remotely romantic or funny or dramatic or I don’t know what else.  This is a serious thing.  This is Christian confiding in Ana that one of his mother’s friends most likely abused him, since legally in most states, fifteen-year-olds can’t consent to sex.  I honestly think this ties in with James’s/Ana’s muddled ideas about how Thomas Hardy’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles being a romance of some kind and the references to Angel Clare idealizing Tess and Alec d’Urberville debasing Tess and the whole question of consent and sexual assault/abuse in this.  I’ll have to go much more into this at another time as I haven’t read the whole book yet and I could go on about this for pages,  but if you know or can find out what happens to Tess, you’ll get what I mean.

Oh”¦ by the way, I’m wearing your underwear.” I give him a small smile and pull up the waistband of the boxer briefs I’m wearing so he can see. Christian’s mouth drops open, shocked. What a great reaction. My mood shifts immediately, and I sashay into the house, part of me wanting to jump and punch the air. YES! My inner goddess is thrilled.

Yay, Ana, that’s living on the edge!  Work it, girl!

“Can I see you? I’m sorry about Friday night. I was drunk”¦ and you”¦ well. Ana ““ please forgive me.”
“Of course, I forgive you José. Just don’t do it again. You know I don’t feel like that about you.”
He sighs heavily, sadly.
“I know, Ana. I just thought, if I kissed you, it might change how you feel.”

I know, José, BUT THAT’S SEXUAL ASSAULT!  Why the fuck is she giving this disrespectful douchebag the time of day?  She ought to taze him the next time he comes within a few feet of her so he learns how to understand the meaning of NO when a woman says it.

If I’d not met him, I’d still be sweetly and blissfully oblivious. My mind drifts to last night, and this morning”¦ and the incredible, sensual sexuality I’ve experienced. Do I want to say goodbye to that? No! screams my subconscious”¦ my inner goddess nods in silent Zen-like agreement with her.

My inner goddess says your inner goddess needs to shut the fuck up because she gives bad advice.

I am weary from all our carnal exertions of the last day and from the complete and utter dilemma that I’m faced with. 

I can’t help you on the first end, but how is this a dilemma when you have two creepers vying for your heart?  Forget about them!  Move to the East Coast.  Go to grad school.  Grow a spine.  Get with some real men.  Just stop worrying about these two assclowns.

And that’s all for the night!  Hope this made the long week worth it!  See you next week!

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