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New Show Recap ““ True Blood 5.9 “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”

Creepy spirit thing, why you in Sookie bathroom?


After four years of sex, plots, plots ignored in favor of sex, fairies, shape shifters, and lots of butts, we witnessed a True Blood first this past week ““ full frontal male nudity. Yes, friends, there was peen. Not the peen of anyone we know and love, certainly not peen that was supposed to be sexy, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t manscaped, but there was peen.

The Authority, Bill, Eric

The Authority’s plan to destroy all the True Blood factories is proceeding apace ““ there’s three factories down and the mainstreamers are starting to get restless. Inside the compound, Eric is angling for a way to escape, enlisting the Computer Nerd, and regrettably, Bill.

Bill is supposed to steal some of Salome’s blood to trigger the locks that will allow them to escape, but after he drinks some of her blood during sex ““ remember, she’s the Chancellor now and has some sort of special connection to Lilith’s blood ““ he hallucinates murdering Sookie and then having sex with a blood-smeared Lilith.

So he sells Eric out. On their way out of the compound, Bill and Salome and the shock troops take Eric and Computer Nerd into custody. I don’t know why Eric looks so shocked ““ since when has he really been able to trust Bill? Eric is replaced as the Area 5 Sheriff and taken off to be injected with silver or something that will involve his shirt being off.

Remember last week when I was ranting about Bill? I got a few more things to add. I mean, no one should be surprised that he turned on Eric, because Bill is a rat from way back. But what turned him? What bought him out? His damn ego. He’s the special one. He’s the one chosen by a goddess. He has no sense of humility, and a hallucination that a goddess wants to bone him is obviously a divine message, because Bill, deep down inside, under all that southern gentlemen crap and his self delusion romanticism, thinks he’s better than everyone else.

If he and Sookie get back together after this, I quit this show.

Sookie, Lala

Lala comes by to see about the spirit hanging out in Sook’s bathroom. Instead, he gets an earful from Gran and some clues about who killed Sookie and Jason’s parents.

The clues send Sookie out to talk to Sheriff Deerborn about his investigation into the murder. Of course that means Sookie blunders into the headquarters of the Obama gang, gets knocked out, drugged and fed to pigs. Or fed to pigs that happen to be Sam Merlot in disguise. Hooray! A plot line has been tied up! The Dragon ended up being Deerborn’s bossy girlfriend, Jason, and Andy show up to bust up the gang, Luna beats up the Dragon while baring her boobs to the night air, and in the end, Sookie is back on the couch in her living room.

The Obama gang also had Hoyt stashed at the same place Sookie was, so that’s two plot lines tied up!

Terri, Arlene, Patrick

Last week, we learned that the Iraqi ghost would lift the curse if Terri or Patrick would kill the other one. This week, Terri tried to set up an honorable man-to-man beatdown to the death. Patrick kidnapped Arlene instead and threatened to kill her if Terri wouldn’t sacrifice himself on the spot. Then Arlene ““ god love her ““ stabbed Patrick in the neck with her hair stick and caught his gun while the boys were wrestling, thereby saving the day.

Then there was some bargaining and whining, and the ghost showed up, and then Terri did “the right thing” shooting Patrick in the head, the curse is lifted, the Iffrit is gone, tah dah!

Three! Three plot lines resolved! The show is much more satisfying when things aren’t being purposefully convoluted.

And the rest

 

  • Some Lestat-wanna-be has been named the new Sherriff of Area 5. He declares Fangtasia an open feeding ground and smacks Pam across the room. Next week, I fully expect that she will rip his head off.
  • Russell and Steve visit the Shreeveport pack and pick up a little something-something for the return trip home ““ little wolf cub Emma. I WONDER IF THIS MEANS THE SHIFTERS AND THE WERES WILL FIGHT THE AUTHORITY? Ok, that’s just what I hope will happen.
  • Jason and Andy beat up a suspect in jail. Then they solve the Obama case. They would make a good team if one of them would stop sinking to the lowest common denominator.

By [E] Slay Belle

Slay Belle is an editor and the new writer mentor here at Persephone Magazine, where she writes about pop culture, Buffy, and her extreme love of Lifetime movies. She is also the editor of powderroom.jezebel.com. You can follow her on Twitter, @SlayBelle or email her at slay@persephonemagazine.com.

She is awfully fond of unicorns and zombies, and will usually respond to any conversational volley that includes those topics.

14 replies on “New Show Recap ““ True Blood 5.9 “Everybody Wants to Rule the World””

When Luna was busily punching the Dragon in the face, I realized that I kind of like her character after being kind of “meh” about her for many episodes. I like that she is a fighter, and how ferocious she is.I know she hasn’t been developed much, but there is something to be said for a character whose actions make sense.

I am firmly anti-Bill now. He’s such a tool. Hate him in the books and now here too. I’m quitting with you if Sookie gets with him again. I’m pretty much convinced that what’s in the vial of Lillith’s blood is actually pure fairy blood from like…Niall or a very powerful fairy. I know Niall isn’t in the show at all, but I feel like it’ll be an important fairy they make up when it happens.

I’d like to point out there was actually brief male full-frontal in Season 2!

I’m very curious about the whole magical Lilith blood thing. There’s definitely something going on there. I don’t think it’s too unlikely to assume that fairies have something to do with it, or that Warlow/Wallow/Whatever is somehow connected. Also, I’m not sure if the significance of Jason (his report card in particular) ended with his knowledge of Mrs. Dearborn. (Mild spoiler for the books ahead, unless the show already addressed it which I think it did). Something about Jason being so attractive because of his fairy blood, maybe?

Also, I SO DO NOT GET how anyone could be Team Bill at this point. I’m not sure what’s going on with the whole Lilith thing (and I mentioned earlier how I didn’t get Nora’s transformation into a fanatic either, so maybe there’s more to it than the flaws of those characters) but even ignoring his actions this season BILL IS SUCH A DOUCHE. Ugh.

How were you fooled Eric!? You are 1000 years old! I feel like the writers of this show are insulting his intelligence. Also, have you guys read the episode summaries for the upcoming episodes? Because the way they are worded make me seriously concerned they’re going to kill Eric off. ASkars is getting more and more famous, and he does have some big Hollywood movies coming up, but I really super hope he doesn’t leave True Blood. :(

Again, relating to the episode summaries- Luna and Sam are going to infiltrate the Authority. I really hate the Authority plot line. It seemed so cool from far away with Nan and such, but now it’s like they tried to be all Game of Thrones-style awesome political maneuvering and failed miserably.

And Lala and I’m so jealous of Sookie’s tan and Ifrit’s dead and that Russell/were scene was awesome.

I just can’t with those werewolves and all their sitting around in a goddamn barn. Why was Emma even there? I didn’t see any other children or teens – isn’t needing to babysit a cub a decent enough reason to skip a barn-sitaround once in a while?

Also, the Authority thing sort of lacks scope. Try as I might, I can’t see how those navel-gazing, hedonistic twits could actually be in charge of the whole vampiredom.

I’m pretty surprised by several plot lines rolled up (and happy). I like the theory that the maimed vampire is Wallow/Warlow/whatever the creature was called that killed Sookie’s parents, but I already heard that he was called Nigel in previous episodes so that might not happen. Other theory is that it’s a vamp/faerie hybrid, but ..I don’t know if the show would go there. Too much risk of Jason and Sookie getting bitten.

I was sooo angry over Pam being thrown around. Stake him in his sleep and call it an accident, please.

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