Creepy spirit thing, why you in Sookie bathroom?
After four years of sex, plots, plots ignored in favor of sex, fairies, shape shifters, and lots of butts, we witnessed a True Blood first this past week ““ full frontal male nudity. Yes, friends, there was peen. Not the peen of anyone we know and love, certainly not peen that was supposed to be sexy, and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t manscaped, but there was peen.
The Authority, Bill, Eric
The Authority’s plan to destroy all the True Blood factories is proceeding apace ““ there’s three factories down and the mainstreamers are starting to get restless. Inside the compound, Eric is angling for a way to escape, enlisting the Computer Nerd, and regrettably, Bill.
Bill is supposed to steal some of Salome’s blood to trigger the locks that will allow them to escape, but after he drinks some of her blood during sex ““ remember, she’s the Chancellor now and has some sort of special connection to Lilith’s blood ““ he hallucinates murdering Sookie and then having sex with a blood-smeared Lilith.
So he sells Eric out. On their way out of the compound, Bill and Salome and the shock troops take Eric and Computer Nerd into custody. I don’t know why Eric looks so shocked ““ since when has he really been able to trust Bill? Eric is replaced as the Area 5 Sheriff and taken off to be injected with silver or something that will involve his shirt being off.
Remember last week when I was ranting about Bill? I got a few more things to add. I mean, no one should be surprised that he turned on Eric, because Bill is a rat from way back. But what turned him? What bought him out? His damn ego. He’s the special one. He’s the one chosen by a goddess. He has no sense of humility, and a hallucination that a goddess wants to bone him is obviously a divine message, because Bill, deep down inside, under all that southern gentlemen crap and his self delusion romanticism, thinks he’s better than everyone else.
If he and Sookie get back together after this, I quit this show.
Lala comes by to see about the spirit hanging out in Sook’s bathroom. Instead, he gets an earful from Gran and some clues about who killed Sookie and Jason’s parents.
The clues send Sookie out to talk to Sheriff Deerborn about his investigation into the murder. Of course that means Sookie blunders into the headquarters of the Obama gang, gets knocked out, drugged and fed to pigs. Or fed to pigs that happen to be Sam Merlot in disguise. Hooray! A plot line has been tied up! The Dragon ended up being Deerborn’s bossy girlfriend, Jason, and Andy show up to bust up the gang, Luna beats up the Dragon while baring her boobs to the night air, and in the end, Sookie is back on the couch in her living room.
The Obama gang also had Hoyt stashed at the same place Sookie was, so that’s two plot lines tied up!
Terri, Arlene, Patrick
Last week, we learned that the Iraqi ghost would lift the curse if Terri or Patrick would kill the other one. This week, Terri tried to set up an honorable man-to-man beatdown to the death. Patrick kidnapped Arlene instead and threatened to kill her if Terri wouldn’t sacrifice himself on the spot. Then Arlene ““ god love her ““ stabbed Patrick in the neck with her hair stick and caught his gun while the boys were wrestling, thereby saving the day.
Then there was some bargaining and whining, and the ghost showed up, and then Terri did “the right thing” shooting Patrick in the head, the curse is lifted, the Iffrit is gone, tah dah!
Three! Three plot lines resolved! The show is much more satisfying when things aren’t being purposefully convoluted.
And the rest
- Some Lestat-wanna-be has been named the new Sherriff of Area 5. He declares Fangtasia an open feeding ground and smacks Pam across the room. Next week, I fully expect that she will rip his head off.
- Russell and Steve visit the Shreeveport pack and pick up a little something-something for the return trip home ““ little wolf cub Emma. I WONDER IF THIS MEANS THE SHIFTERS AND THE WERES WILL FIGHT THE AUTHORITY? Ok, that’s just what I hope will happen.
- Jason and Andy beat up a suspect in jail. Then they solve the Obama case. They would make a good team if one of them would stop sinking to the lowest common denominator.