Op Ed

Takedown: Like this!

Oh, the Nice Guyâ„¢. You know the type. “Why do women always go for the jerks, why don’t they go for Nice Guys like meeeee?” The Nice Guy syndrome is problematic in and of itself (like people should be rewarded for their kindness with sex), but this crapdate takes it to the next level.

Nice guy
Let it soak in for a minute. I’ll wait.

The Nice Guy Syndrome was taken down beautifully over at Shakesville, so I’m not going to go into the details of what makes this line of thinking so terribly wrong (read it if you have a few minutes, though, it’s quite good). This crapdate varies slightly, though, in its awfulness. The message the Nice Guyâ„¢ is trying to say with this crapdate is “I’m the kind of guy who can treat you right. Date me!” What the Nice Guyâ„¢ is actually saying is that Black men are thugs, that Black men are players, and White and Asian guys are nerdy and treat women right. Oh, and women are too dumb to know that.

I would like to send a message out to the Nice Guysâ„¢ of the world:

Dear Nice Guyâ„¢:

You aren’t having success in the dating world for many, many reasons, but it’s not because women are stupid and can’t be trusted to make their own decisions. It’s because attraction isn’t always based on whichever person has the softest shoulders to cry on. Even more, it’s because you have an ulterior motive for having soft shoulders, which is the opposite of nice, and which leads to terrible relationships. And women know that.

But really truly, it’s because when people around you start pairing up, you are so convinced of your own (false) niceness that you can’t imagine any legitimate reasons for other people to be in relationships that don’t include you. If a woman is with a Black man, it must be because women are stupid, because (duh), Black men are criminals and gangsters. And thus it is her own fault for being sad in the end, because she should have known that the only people worth dating are nerdy White and Asian guys.

When you think of the word “asshole,” the picture you come up with is a bunch of young Black men. When you think of the phrase “worthy of dating,” the archetype in your head is a White guy in glasses. But you aren’t racist! Oh no, because you include a disappointed Asian man on your side of the equation. And, of course, a satisfied Black man who has happily crushed the young woman’s heart.

You might say that this is just “one example” of a guy being an asshole, but as far as I can tell, the only reason the asshole picture supposedly portrays assholery is because of skin color. And Jackie Chan is disappointed because he’s a nerd, right? But he’s only a nerd because he is Asian. These pictures – they aren’t a part of the crapdate on accident. Race hammers your point home, reminds us all that not only are you White, but your genetic line in and of itself makes you superior.

The worst part about this is that after you post this crapdate, and continue to not get the girl, you will then find validation in your theory, when shit like this is a major part of the reason you aren’t succeeding in romantic relationships.

Women in your life aren’t interested in dating you because they aren’t looking to purchase your kindness with sex. And because you are so frightened of seeing individuals for who they are that you trot out dangerous stereotypes to inflate your own sense of worth. It’s stupid. And not nice. And stupid.

By Susan

I am old and wise. Perhaps more old than wise, but once you're old, you don't give a shit about details anymore.

17 replies on “Takedown: Like this!”

Don’t forget, Nice Guy (TM) tend to have a hard-on for Asians for their stereotyped ability to be subservient, and “culture” (by that, I mean they take parts that they like as evidence of their superiority).  Then they find out that I love to call out people who see me as a stereotype, or give me any kind of shit, for that matter. <—This is the face that they make as I rip them several new ones.  Sorry, dude, the minute you look at me as a fetish and not a person, you are no longer human to me. #sorrynotsorry


I actually just had an argument recently with an acquaintance about his friend,and we brought up his friend, and I said that it can’t just be a coincidence if his friend is trying to hit on every Asian girl around (Disclaimer: This guy’s Asian fetish is common knowledge with everyone in my former professional circle.  At the time,the friend had a thing for me, and I made it a habit to treat him like shit or made him look bad in front of people in our professional circle). That point just went over the acquaintance’s head, as evidenced by a glazed look in his eyes, and he proceeded to say that people like me are “his” type.  I retorted that it’s a shame that an ESL instructor with a lot of Asian students in his charge to not get the irony – and that there are over 1.1 Billion of people “his type”, so I don’t understand why he was wasting his time on me.  It was like talking to a rock.  After the whole thing, a few higher-ups that heard the conversation told me that they wouldn’t report to HR and were willing to vouch for me if I punched him in the face to send a message to him if he ever pulls anything on me (I have a boxing background).  While I didn’t like the fact that the higher-ups were putting that kind of pressure on me to do the dirty work (The higher-ups and I are friends), I appreciated that they were allowing me to act in self-defense if I needed to (I had told them two stories: 1) How I was almost kidnapped at 14 years old; 2) An instance where I had to act in self-defense and shattered a guy’s jaw as a result.  Despite claims to the contrary, he never pressed charges.  So, if, for some reason, the higher-ups can’t help me, I am happy to take matter into my own hands and they were willing to vouch for me.)

In my experience, guys like my acquaintance’s friend tend to lack a personality and need to compensate in some other ways. My experience with one Nice Guy (TM) with an Asian fetish that I dated was through emotional abuse, and I wasn’t willing to take any chances again.

Okay, crazy rant about Nice Guy (TM) over now!

This reminds me of this asshole my homegirl dated. Whenever he said something particularly douchey, she’d call him on it. He told her that she hangs around me (the black girlfriend) “too much” and that I was rubbing off on her  because, quel horror, where else on Earth could an Asian girl possibly learn to talk back?!

Awww….what a shame, I’m glad that she’s no longer dating him, though :-).  Unfortunately, I’ve also had an ordeal of dating a Nice Guy (TM) as well, and it was the least fun 9 months ever.  It’s really one of those things where people don’t learn, until they come across one (through the fault of no one but the sick fuck’s own, of course).

One of my many tried-and-true tricks that I pull out during the first date is to use an expletive (silly, but hear me out) within the first few minutes of meeting guys to see how they take my responses.  I may insert it as part of a joke or some other humorous situation, or as a substitute for “OUCH!” (the former tends to happen more so than the latter).  If I get any reactions along the lines of a raised eyebrow/shock/feigning a laugh/something about compartmentalized behavior (“I didn’t know Asians curse!” is a true past example), then I know that they’re not for me. In that case, I will intellectually destroy them….er, I mean, will continue to push every button possible so that they really reveal themselves.  I have entirely too many experiences with bigots/Nice Guys (TM) with an Asian fetish in everyday life, and quite frankly, I do not want to voluntarily spend another second with one if I can help it.

I do agree with you, but I am wondering if the meme is pointing out many, many flaws of the Nice Guy (TM)’s thinking  – and racism is among them. At least, that’s been my experiences with them – where they try to justify that my ethnicity is A-OK to associate with (If I were given half a penny for every time I hear the model minority stereotype being referenced, I could probably pay off my student loans and buy a new car), whereas “Undesirable Others” (Read: Usually African-Americans, sometimes Central and South Americans) are not to be talked to.

Maybe I’m reaching for it, but that’s what I’ve got from the picture.

Love it. The Nice Guy construction really bothers me and this Crapdate is particularly egregious. I saw a great response to the Nice Guy question the other day though: Why don’t women like Nice Guys? Maybe because women aren’t vending machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.

Leave a Reply