Open Thread

This OT is Rocking Out to Some Muzak Gold

Occasionally I’ll hear a song at work that I know all the words to, but can’t quite figure out where I heard it before. Then a week or two later, I’ll be in the car with Mr. qSS (who has fancy-schmancy satellite radio in his car) and it’ll click that it’s on my store’s playlist for the month. 

This little gem from Tanlines is one of my favorites as of late; it’s one of those songs that comes on and brings with it a much-needed second (or third, on a day like today) wind.


I hope your week is going swimmingly! Please share your day in the comments!



By [E]queSarahSarah

Part-time artist, full-time crankypants who dabbles in knitting, running, and burpees.

32 replies on “This OT is Rocking Out to Some Muzak Gold”

I went to get one of my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon (pretty gleeful) told me that not only was it so crooked that the root was near a big nerve, but that he would take the one above out as well.

Yay. You can understand how full of joy I was. Now I’m full off buzz and tingle, until it wears off.

You guys, I need help. Can we start a finger nail polish addict support group? I am out of control. I even joined a finger-nail polish of the month club (Julep Maven), which I intend to quit. But…then I start wondering what colors I’ll get next month. It’s $20 a month for two colors and usually some other cosmetic or lotion. I just purchased a yellow for $10 that I *don’t* need and should not be spending my money on. I’m doing it all because I’m nervous. I had a job interview and haven’t heard back. I want to e-mail them a “thank you for meeting me” e-mail, but the interview was a week and a half ago, so I think I missed my window for that. :(

Got the konad nail stamper too. Hm, mac book air has crappy photo quality.

Weird feeling sharing time: It is really freaking strange to receive a booty call text when one is in a relationship. I got texted last night by a guy I have been occasionally hooking up with for the last 2 years or so, whenever he’s in town every few months. He has apparently managed to miss the last 6 months of “frenchfry + boyfriend” posts on Facebook, or maybe he just didn’t care and decided to try anyway? Still, being invited to a “late-night swim :-)” by a guy you haven’t seen since February when you are about to go on vacation with your boyfriend is kinda uncomfortable. It’s still a habit from my single days to think “ooo yessss” when seeing a text from this guy, which clashed violently with my new reaction of “really dude? no way”.

Well, you guys, a lot has happened since since the last open thread.  I’m sorry that I didn’t get a chance to say thank you to the Persephoneers who replied to my last post, as I needed to decompress any way that I can.  Plus, I was running around a lot for the first time in a long time over the weekend.  So, this is gonna be a long one.  In no particular order ,except in Hemingway-esque Stream-of-Consciousness style, I present to you what happened over the weekend:

1) The Artist Formerly Known as My Ex-BF called again on Monday, basically to talk about mundane details of his life and for me to talk about mine. At the end, he asked what I was doing this upcoming weekend. HA! I replied. The only thing that I would be interested in doing is scoring some tickets for the Made in America festival through radio contests. Seeing that I am unemployed, it’s probably going to be nothing of significance. He then asked if I wanted to hang out with him next week, and I said “Sure”, since I saw no harm in seeing him. I am also curious about his motivation, as I am not interested in changing my position (see: Tay Tay Swift’s new song). Unless, of course, he makes significant changes to his behavior, and I need more time. Of course, I am not asking him to change who he is, because that just sounds downright cruel. However, I do not do well in a relationship where there isn’t much communication going on, with an impulsive person (ex: We go to a party, I wind up stuck there because he’s had 10 beers and is just hanging out with other people. All that, while I fend for myself). As you’ve seen in my previous posts, I am not some wilting damsel waiting for someone to be up my ass the entire time, but I don’t think that the way he sees affection is the way I see affection. If/when we hang out, I plan on laying what I’ve just said above to him. If he doesn’t want to hear it, then it’s over. Please comment or advise.

2) I talked to my former college professor-turned-mentor about this whole breakup thing (she knows us both through projects that she has going. We are on two separate projects). Her response: give him another chance, because the former BF’s behaviors are what makes him, well, the former BF (My response? Boston Red Sox fans: Remember “Manny being Manny”? Remember how well that ended for The Red Sox?). She also added: What’s wrong with having the former BF go out with you for drinks for a while until he realizes that he’s madly in love with you and needs to be with you forever and ever? I was so surprised by her response that I blurted out, “What the hell is this? A movie starring Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts? Yeah, I would pay to see a movie like that, but I don’t EVER want to be in a movie like that.” Before I go any further: I had this conversation with her before I said “Yes” to seeing him. Maybe she guilted me into seeing him? Please help. I am confused as why she sees so much in him, when in 1.5 years, I know what I have seen from him – but the bad patterns are things that I do not want in my life right now…..or ever. Why is she encouraging this? But I will say this much, though, that this woman’s got my personality down pat, down to the part where she knows that a) I am touchy-feely (and former BF is not quite so), and I like someone who is willing to intellectually spar with me without resorting to mean and petty comments (The former was something that the former BF wasn’t always willing to do, and the latter is one of the many reasons why we’re broken up); c)  I am not above breaking social contracts to shut shit down (She was telling a story about another student and she was telling him, “If someone takes a stick and hits you, you smile because that’ll confuse them and stop the situation”. To that I replied, “No, my way of learning has been that if someone took a stick and hit me, I find a bigger stick, hide behind a corner to wait for that motherfucker, and then whack the living shit out of them as they round the corner.”  She disagreed with my opinion, but I’m sorry, that was what I learned as someone who’s been perceived as vulnerable for a good chunk of my life.  Sometimes, swift actions are the only ways to teach someone that should know better.  So, it really takes someone who’s very secure in himself/herself to be with me, but I know that I am very generous in a relationship.  But still, whatever happened to encouraging me to be happy and shit?

3) I MET A BOY!!!!!!!!! On one hand, I’m thinking, wow, already? It’s only been, like, four days between the breakup and meeting him. On the other hand, I’m thinking that yeah, I’ve still got it! This took place on Saturday night, when a college friend who I recently became close with after she moved near my house to go to grad school invited me to go out with her because she knew that I was probably in the dumps (I was, and my body is feeling being in the dumps now). The “party”/bar-hopping event consisted mostly of her boyfriend’s friends, and his best friend throughout high school, life post-HS, and present was there. The first thing I learned was that the best friend is a recently single army medic who’s about to be deployed to Afghanistan sometime within the foreseeable future (probably in a matter of months, but I don’t remember the specifics). I don’t think we’d even talked yet when I was already there for a good half an hour or so before my friend went outside to ask him what he thought of me. Apparently, Army Medic remembers me from her last party that the both of us attended around Christmas of last year. I didn’t even know that he existed until this past Saturday night.
She came back in to tell me that he said that he thought that I was really pretty and I was exactly his type. Of course, in that moment, I just thought she was really stretching it from something fairly innocuous that he said (It wasn’t. He really said that.  WHAAAA?  It took me a second to take it in, as I never really had anyone be instantly smitten with me before). We talked little bit, and he’s totally displaying the classic signs that he’s into me (sitting a little too close without making me uncomfortable, really trying to start conversations with me and pay attention to me without being uncomfortable-awkward). So, at the bar crawl, one of the douchier bro-friend picks up a girl that I wanted to pick up (I’m queer, y’all), but I let her go with him because I knew it wasn’t going to work out and generally not worth my time. The fact that I’ve known that I’m queer is something I’ve been struggling with for a really long time (but everyone around me that knows is supportive), but it was news to my friend (for some reason or another, the topic never really came up until Saturday night, so I had no reason to talk about it with her) and the group. So, Army Medic got dejected, thinking that I wasn’t interested in him because he was male. But I remembered holding hands with him, drunkenly singing “Elephant Love Medley” from Moulin Rouge, in perfect harmony to his-good college-try voice. C’mon, I don’t think there was any irony that people who are kinda-sorta attracted to each other are singing that song.

[DISCLAIMER, BEFORE YOU GO FURTHER: When I’m drunk, I like to sing, y’all, because it takes away the stage fright that came with a long-standing trauma. I haven’t done it in about six years until recently, due to losing a very musically gifted grandfather who *really* understood me, and another grandfather who also *really* understood me. I was never allowed to mourn properly like the rest of my families, as I live on the other side of the world from the musically gifted grandfather. The other grandfather was because, at the time, of my adoptive immediate family going through a very nasty divorce, and I felt awkward showing up to his viewing because of my adoptive Dad’s family being there. They weren’t very fond of my mom for good reasons (She has a major personality disorder that she has repeated said that she does not need treatment, and proceeds to treat people who she perceives to be beneath her like shit, including my adoptive Dad and some of his relatives by talking major shit behind their back. Since then, the adoptive relatives have kind of treated me cautiously as an acquaintance, where I would never really be isolated, but I would never really be invited to get-togethers with them, either. Of course, that’s another story for another day, right?]

Anyway, I thought we had a connection there, but I guess the miscommunication about who I was interested in really took hold. When we got back to her house, Army Medic and I started talking, and he asked me why I thought that there was a difference I thought I deserve in a relationship versus what I actually wanted, and I just stood there and looked at him, and he changed the subject (Tough city girls don’t talk about feelings the first time they meet someone, yo). My assessment: His Nice Guy (TM)-ish personality/act is not coming from a bad place, but I just don’t think he realizes that’s a red flag for some people. It seems that he has a saving-people mentality as part of a saving himself thing (as an army medic and EMT, that makes sense), as he’s got family issues of his own. We seem to have a lot of stuff in common, even if our core values aren’t exactly the same. Since then, my friend has clarified the situation to him, and some kind of a no-pressure double date has been set up. I have offered to bring over my Xbox Kinect and Dance Central 3 as a way to break the ice. So, we’ll see?

4) Anyway, Persephoneers, my psyche and my body are overwhelmed at the recent development (if recent anxiety attacks have been telling me). I don’t feel like I know what I want. I am still unemployed. I still have issues I need to work out. I barely know what I want for dinner tomorrow. Any help by way of comment and responses to my questions are much appreciated.


I honestly have no idea how to help, but I am sending loads of positive energy your way. The best I can say about ex(?) BF is to trust your gut. You decided to ex him for a reason, and if that reason still holds true (which I bet it does) then your mentor friend, even if her heart’s in the right place, is wrong about the two of you being together. But one final get together can’t hurt to solidify things with yourself. Also bravo on new guy!

Thank you so much, Veruna.  I really, truly appreciate your advice.  It’s something that I really needed to hear, especially when everything is so confusing.

And new boy!  And he likes me!  WHHHAAAA???  I don’t really know what to do with him now, except hang out and see what happens next time my friend, her boyfriend, and Army Medic get together.

Response from an internet stranger? Maybe your ex misses you and maybe he’s a lovely person, but he’s not right for you. Don’t go there again just to see if you can “make it work” and somehow justify the time you spent together.

New boy: eh, see what happens. Sounds like he could be fun. But gather your friends to distract you and take care of yourself first of all.

Yeah, that’s what I am beginning to realize with him, too.  I would be happy to vouch for him about him being a good person.  I have no doubt that he’s regretted what he’s lost, but the last thing I’d want to do is to be back there again with his non-communicative self.

As for the new boy, yeah, he seems like a nice guy.  I talked to my friend about the whole thing, and how I just really want to take it slow.  She seems like a great friend and has taken that into consideration with me and the new boy.

Re: the ex…. I would be inclined to keep him dumped, even if your professor feels otherwise. As I said to one of my friends, a bad boyfriend is not like wine, it does not get better with age. On a similar note, one shouldn’t buy “boyfriend futures” (instead of wine futures-where you buy a bunch of young wine for cheap in the hopes that it will age into good wine) and start or stay in a relationship with someone who is inherently deaf to one’s emotions, doesn’t treat you well, is selfish etc (not saying your ex is these things). Also, I am, like your professor (perhaps?) also an awkward academic… having a PhD doesn’t make you more perceptive about relationships, I am in a happy one but I pretty much fell ass-backwards into it.  So don’t necessarily privilege her opinion over your own feelings. Finally, best of luck with all of this… relationships and matters of the heart are not easy. Take care. :-)

DING DING DING DING DING!  You’ve got her absolutely correct.  She would never admit outright that she’s an awkward academic, but give her a couple of beers….and she totally is.  I mean, I wasn’t about to get angry at her, just because I know she means well.  She’s pretty much been the first mother figure that I’ve had (that wasn’t abusive), so I’m chalking this one up to her having good intentions, but being clueless to the situation in a way that parents sometimes are.  I also think that she sees a lot in me that’s like her, and I think that she was projecting what she would do if she were in my shoes.  So, it feels like a little Ms. Havisham-Estella from “Great Expectations” at times, but I know that she’s definitely not that kind of person. As for my ex, I know that I have made the right decision.  As nice as he is now, it’s not going to repair what had happened.  I don’t know if I can live with someone who is not willing to work towards the relationship unless it benefits him in some way, or is unwilling to communicate or help me, unless it benefits him.

Thank you.  I’m learning that self-care is seriously important right now.

It doesn’t matter how well your professor is clued into your emotions: no one knows you better than yourself. One of my mother’s abusive hallmarks was telling me that she knew me better than I knew me, which ultimately led to my doubting my own judgment. It doesn’t matter if ex-BF is the most perfect person in the world. If you’re not happy, if you’re unsatisfied, and if you just feel like something isn’t right…then it’s not right. When that feeling persists despite your efforts toward otherwise, then that’s the a goddamn fantastic justification to leave.

Yup, you’re absolutely right.  My adoptive mother used the same tactic with me, and she still wonders why I have no interest in having any relationship with her (she would never admit to it, but she’ll insult me into talking to her.  Yeah, that totally is the way to not want a relationship with your kid).  I don’t think that it is the case with my mentor, but for now, I will be going with my judgement.  I left him because we were at such an impasse that it became me texting the fact that I am dumping him, because I knew I wasn’t going anywhere with him if I had done it another way.  So, thank you for the valuable advice.  Trusting my gut is something I’m learning every day.


That reminds me of a great FoxTrot comic strip from a while back:

Jason and his mom (Andy) are waiting for the dentist, when this song comes on that sounds something like, “We’re on the highway to heck…”

Jason: Some songs weren’t made for Muzak.

Andy (making a face): Some ears weren’t either.

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