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Linotte Reads “Fifty Shades of Grey”: Chapter Twenty

Happy Wednesday, Persephoneers! I imagine everyone enjoyed the long weekend as much as I did, but now it’s back to the daily grind, even if it’s a shortened work week. It’s a shortened week for those of use here at the Persephone treehouse, too, which explains only one recap of Fifty Shades of Grey this week. We’re now on Chapter Twenty, and we’re almost done with this hot mess, so let’s get started. And just between you and me, some of the stuff in this book is very questionable, and I have no problem calling the author out on it. So feel free to join me in doing so for the last few chapters of this book.

He pauses at the doorway and touches another switch ““ halogens this time, they are softer, on a dimmer ““ and we’re in an attic room with sloping ceilings. It’s decorated with a nautical New England theme: navy blues and creams with a dash of red. The furnishings are sparse, just a couple of couches are all I can see.

Yeah, it won the Better Homes and Gardens contest for “Room with Most Patriotic Decor.”

‘You said no.’
‘What?’ No to what?
‘At the dinner table, with your legs.’
Oh”¦ that’s what this is all about.
‘But we were at your parents’ dining table.’ I stare up at him, completely bewildered.
‘No one’s ever said no to me before. And it’s so ““ hot.’

You said no to me. Oh, baby, that makes me so hot, I just want to fuck you in the elevator.

I place my hands on my head, and I know it’s so I won’t touch him. I’m so turned on. I feel my hips moving already up to meet him ““ wanting him inside me, like this ““ rough and hard. Oh”¦ the anticipation.
‘We don’t have long. This will be quick, and it’s for me, not you. Do you understand? Don’t come, or I will spank you,’ he says through clenched teeth.

Well, this shows that he’s a selfish prick, now, doesn’t it?

I groan loudly, gutturally, and revel in the fullness of his possession. He puts his hands on mine on top of my head, his elbows hold my arms out and down, and his legs pinion me. I am trapped. He’s everywhere, overwhelming me, almost suffocating. But it’s heavenly, too; this is my power, this is what I do to him, and it’s a hedonistic, triumphant feeling.

What –so letting him have shitty quickie sex with you is your power? Not comprehending here.

And she’s fucking the giant squid from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Really, Ana? I’d get Captain Nemo or Ned Land, or even Captain Ahab, but the squid? Really? Your sex life has taken a new low thanks to Christian.

From his inside pocket, he produces my panties. I don’t grin as I take them from him, but inside I know ““ I’ve taken a punishment fuck but gained a small victory over the panties. My inner goddess nods in agreement, a satisfied grin over her face ““ You didn’t have to ask for them.

Um, yes, you should have asked for them back. You shouldn’t be trading shitty sex for your panties, Ana.

‘Well, Miss Steele, I feel better for that ““ but I still want to spank you,’ he says softly.
‘I don’t believe I deserve it, Mr. Grey, especially after tolerating your unprovoked attack.’
‘Unprovoked? You kissed me.’ He tries his best to look wounded.
I purse my lips.
‘It was attack as the best form of defense.’
‘Defense against what?’
‘You and your twitchy palm.’
He cocks his head to one side and smiles at me as Mia comes clattering up the stairs.
‘But it was tolerable?’ he asks softly.
I flush.
‘Barely,’ I whisper, but I can’t help my smirk.

“It was tolerable, I suppose, but not enough to tempt me.” What the fuck is she doing here? Is she trying to maker this into a Jane Austen-like scene? Oh, yeah, like an exchange resembling that of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet really fits with the selfish, dubiously consensual sex, doesn’t it?

Mr. Darcy is mighty pissed at E. L. James.

 

‘I need to speak to you about antagonizing Christian,’ I hiss quietly in her ear as she embraces me.
‘He needs antagonizing; then you can see what he’s really like. Be careful, Ana ““ he’s so controlling,’ she whispers. ‘See you later.’
I KNOW WHAT HE’S REALLY LIKE ““ YOU DON’T! ““ I scream at her in my head. I’m fully aware that her actions come from a good place, but sometimes she just oversteps the mark, and right now so far that she’s into the neighboring state.

I’m siding with Kate on this one.

 We’re coming near to the end of the bridge, and the road is once more bathed in the neon light of the street lamps so his face is intermittently in the light and the dark. And it’s such a fitting metaphor. This man, whom I once thought of as a romantic hero, a brave shining white knight – or the dark knight as he said. He’s not a hero; he’s a man with serious, deep emotional flaws, and he’s dragging me into the dark. Can I not guide him into the light?

1. He’s not a hero, he’s a creep.

2. He needs to figure out his own shit.

3. It’s not your job to “save” him.

4. You never read The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, did you? Helen tries to “save” Arthur from his sinful ways. It doesn’t work out too well. 

I nuzzle up against him, eyes closed, my nose at his throat, drinking in his sexy Christian-and-spiced-musky-body-wash fragrance, my head on his shoulder. I let my mind drift, and I allow myself to fantasize that he loves me. Oh, and it’s so real, tangible almost, and a small part of my nasty harpy self-conscious acts completely out of character and dares to hope.

SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE YOU EVEN TRYING WITH THIS FUCKHEAD? I AM SO SICK OF YOUR STUPIDITY, ANA!

My subconscious is furious, medusa-like in her anger, hair flying, her hands clenched around her face like Edvard Munch’s Scream. I ignore her, but she won’t climb back into her box. You are making him mad ““ think about all that’s he’s said, all he’s conceded.

Ana’s subconscious.

My inner goddess is doing the dance of the seven veils.

 

Ana’s inner goddess at this moment.

Very gently, he puts the balls in my mouth.
‘They need lubrication. Suck,’ he orders, his voice soft.

Just to be clear, these aren’t his balls, as in his testicles. They’re these 2 silver balls attached together by a black cord. And spit as lube? Just…no. Clearly he’s too cheap to buy some Aquaglide or even KY Jelly, or he wishes to punish her further by setting it up so that she gets a yeast infection.

‘The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore, Anastasia. Go to sleep.’
Holy fuck”¦ what does that mean?
‘Was?’
‘She’s dead.’
‘How long?’
He sighs.
‘She died when I was four. I don’t really remember her.’

Aha! Now we’re getting somewhere! Blame it all on Mom! By the way, Christian’s new psychiatrist, pictured above.

And that’s a wrap for this week! Hopefully Dr. von Drake can help Christian with his issues so he can help salvage their relationship. Really, I think Ana would have better luck with Donald Duck, but that’s just my inexpert opinion. Anyhow, six more chapters till we’re done with this schlockfest! Stay tuned for Chapter Twenty-one!

 

11 replies on “Linotte Reads “Fifty Shades of Grey”: Chapter Twenty”

Think about how many times reading this you’ve thought, “I’m siding with Kate.”  Seriously, Kate sounds much more interesting.  Kate is fun!  Kate is witty!  Kate is smart!  Kate doesn’t put up with assholery from her friends’ boyfriends!  Kate cares about other people!  Kate doesn’t seem like a moody girl who has read too many gothic novels!  Kate has flaws other than, “I am so clumsy!”

To make a long story short, I wish this story was about Kate.

But you just don’t understand! He’s so misunderstood! He never had a ‘real’ mother, so he just needs a woman to take care of him who has no needs of her own so that he can be happy!

FFS.

At this point I would expect no less than a crack whore mother and a slew of Pee-Wee-esque quotes (‘there are things about me you… shouldn’t understand, Ana’). But every. little. thing. is so horrible – neon street lamps? Where do they have NEON street lamps? Ugh.

I realize I’m jumping in 19 chapters late here.  But seriously.  There are characters called Ana and Mia?  As in cutesie eating disorder names?  This whole thing gets worse the more I hear about it!

 

“Punishment fuck”??? Wow, how fucked-up can you get, Christian.

Slightly off-topic (but not really): I was listening to “Stolen” by Dashboard Confessional on Youtube a week or so ago, and looking through the comments (I know, big mistake) I found — no joke — someone basically extolling the virtues of 50 Shades and Christian in particular, and going on and on about how pure and wonderful his and Ana’s supposed love was, and how this song so perfectly encapsulated their romance.

Made me wanna puke. Way to ruin a great song.

‘We don’t have long. This will be quick, and it’s for me, not you. Do you understand? Don’t come, or I will spank you,’ he says through clenched teeth.”

Snerk. Anyone else think that, in real life, this wouldn’t be a problem with a Christian Grey? I mean, I know Anna comes when the guy breathes morning breath in her face, but for the rest of us non-sex dolls, I don’t think it’d be difficult.

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