Open Thread

This Weekend Thread Has Moxie

It’s Friday night! Let’s party in the open thread! 

Tell Auntie Selena all about things, I’ll make some delicious cake. Let’s meet up here tomorrow and talk about the new Doctor Who episode, shall we?

By [E] Selena MacIntosh*

Selena MacIntosh is the owner and editor of Persephone Magazine. She also fixes it when it breaks. She is fueled by Diet Coke, coffee with a lot of cream in it, and cat hair.

96 replies on “This Weekend Thread Has Moxie”

So I am running a fever of 100.4 F, spent a good portion of the morning having dry heaves, and decided to come into work anyway, lest it look like I had brown bottle flu. So I get here and as I bend down to plug in my laptop, I end up putting my hand smack on top of a centipede. Today sucks, and it’s only a quarter after eight.

Not likely, I’m prepping for a big ass presentation. I have PT right after work anyway. The good news is that I have leftover anti-nausea pills from when I got real sick last winter, and aspirin, so I’m feeling a bit better.  Thank you though.

Well. I just got home from my second date with a married couple. They’re really nice and I’m super into them and the wife texted me after they got home and said “I know I come off as shy but we’re definitely into you so don’t let that fool you.” They paid for my dinner and my movie tonight. Having other people pay for my things always makes me feel super awkward, like now i OWE them things. I don’t like that feeling. Does anyone else ever feel like that?

The wife and I are going to play tennis on Tuesday and then we’re going to watch Always Sunny and eat with the husband. I’m pretty excited about all of this :)

Fuck yeah awesome date!

And I also know what you mean about the owing thing. I’d try not to worry about it, I’m sure you’ll chip in too! Maybe try to think about it this way: they like you enough that they want to do nice things for you? I don’t know if that helps at all. Accepting things from others can be difficult for me, too.

I just completely rearranged the office and the living room while my boyfriend was away for the weekend. He just texted that he won’t be home until midnight, at which point I will be asleep, and now I really hope he doesn’t trip over anything… heh.

I love rearranging furniture. so. much.

I’m such a paranoid person when it comes to bug bites. I always think they’re bedbug bites even though I looked up pictures and they don’t look anything like that.

I know there are holes in my screens and mosquitoes and stuff probably come in that way but I can’t stop the worry. SHUT UP BRAIN.

Okay, time for me to do a rant with a story! I’m getting really sick of the fact that women are not allowed to be average. Average looking? You might as well not exist. Average at playing video games? You’re lying about liking video games. Average at your job? How dare you take this position away from a man.

I remember when I was 11 years old and had my first encounter in a “man’s world.” I was never good at sports, but a girl scout trip to the ice-skating rink proved that I was decent at ice-skating. My youth was an embarrassing show of athletic failures. I kept trying because I saw the other girls who were good at it, and I wanted to be their friend. If I could somehow get into a team, then I would be invited to sleep overs and after school hang-outs. Also? I just wanted to be good at something. I envisioned myself good at sports. I wanted to excel at SOMETHING. So, I finally found ice-skating. The only problem was that there were no ice-skating teams. It wasn’t a sport in that sense. If I wanted to do it, I had to take lessons that were out of town and would only serve to separate me more from the people at school. So then my mom suggested hockey. We found the pee-wee league in my area, but of course, there were no girl-only teams. With the exception of two girls who had been doing it for years, it was all boys. I wanted to get into a team that already had a girl, but that’s not how it worked. They picked a team and you went on it.

I remember my coach telling me, “You’re going to show them all,” and immediately feeling terrified. I knew I wasn’t going to show anyone. The best I could hope was that I didn’t embarrass myself too badly. I just wanted to play. I wasn’t looking to get fame for my hockey prowess. But because I was a girl, I apparently had to show them all I was worthy. In order to show I was worthy, I had to be the best. If my life were an after-school movie, I would have trained and become instantly better than all the boys. Of course, it didn’t happen like that. I trained outside of practice, but did so alone. When I was at practice, no one wanted to pair up with me. Even though I wasn’t the worst player there, I was the worst because I was the girl. Eventually, my lack of skill plus the social rejection had me quitting hockey within a few months. I then started playing video games more and created a nice little weight problem for myself.

I’m finding I have to deal with this in the adult world. In every way. I’m sick of it. And what would it even win me if I was the best? Okay, so I’m the only woman doing X, and I’m the best at it. So that means I’m equal to a man who is average at doing X? So I’ve killed myself for nothing except acceptance. I don’t mean to whine, and I’m not expecting the world to accept mediocrity. I’m not one of those people who believes in coddling or giving ‘A’ for effort. I’m just trying to be realistic. Most people aren’t the best at what they do. It just seems we don’t accept that when it’s women. It’s like a penance for equality. As a feminist I recognize it as a double standard and plain ol’ sexism. It’s becoming insidious because we’re not allowed to talk about it. If we’re not perfectly eloquent about explaining the situation, then people will jump all over us and call us whiners.

What about the rest of you persephoneer ladies? Do you have similar experiences?

This is a really really good way of describing the inequality which I really believe still exists in the workplace. If you’re a man, you just have to be ok to move ahead, for a women you have to be the best. I think about my own field (academia) where most of the people working adjuct or contract positions and absolutely slaving away with no benefits are primarily women while most people with tenured, full time positions are mostly men. Currently, (at least in my , admittedly extremely conservative, academic field) when people talk about lack of women in the discipline in permanent positions the peanut gallery immediately cries, “what about Professor X, Professor Y, and Professor Z?!” Never mind that the women  that hold tenure are total rockstars, even when compared to the men at the same institution.

Not entirely parallel, but I feel like (at least in law) as a woman you have to be extraordinary LOOKING to be perceived as neat and put together.  I know a couple guys who are at least 300 pounds and look sloppy in a suit and are STILL perceived as better than me because I am not a svelte size six.  Not that I begrudge them their size (LET ME BE CLEAR) but it would be nice to be recognized for my talent regardless of m general unwillingness to spend an hour in the gym every day.  Because the gym is boring.  And I would rather spend my time being brilliant in my place of employment.

I know totally what you mean. On the days when I go into the lab wearing crappy field (working outside) clothes, my lab advisor seems to be more dismissive than the days when I come in dressed nicely for meetings- at which point he’s all upbeat and makes more conversation with me. Then I cut off all my long, shiny red hair- about 12″ worth. The only ones who have said anything about it at the lab are the few other women. The menfolk seem displeased that I am less traditionally feminine and pretty now…

Oh man, I went through sort of the reverse. I was into the whole horse show thing for a few years in my youth. Now at the lower levels Equestrian Sport is massively female dominated (English seat anyway, I can’t speak to junior rodeo). There was one boy who rode competitively out of the barn I was at, and probably about 10 or so girls. Lard almighty but you’da thought that boy walked on water, for the way he got treated. I rode about as well as he did. Same kinds of placings. Same numbers of blue ribbons. He had a potential career ahead of him. I was little better than a hobbiest.

That’s a really good way of putting it. I know I haven’t done quite a few things because of this feeling, ESPECIALLY if they are in male-dominated areas.

Trading card games are a good example. I could be a good trading card game player if I wanted to be. My boyfriend has been trying to get into Magic: The Gathering on a professional level, and he’s good enough to do so. I don’t have the experience and the “know your opponent” thing to the extend that he does, but if I really wanted to be competitive, I’m sure I could be. The deck he’s playing – and winning – with right now is something that I made, with a couple small tweaks here and there.

But I don’t want to play in tournaments, because if I’m not THE BEST, then I feel like I’ll just be seen as less-than.

I don’t know how true that is this time, but I know it was true when I played in chess tournaments for 8+ years when I was a kid. I was good, but I was never great, but I would be routinely degraded because of my femaleness. I would beat some (male) kid, and sometimes his (male) friend would challenge me to a game. It was because he wanted to show how lame his friend was for losing to a girl.

For a long while I always beat those people, but as I got older and I wasn’t really improving (because I didn’t care about it that much) and everyone who was still in it was, usually, getting better around me, it started getting harder and harder to beat those people. When it got to the point that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to win every time against them anymore, that was the day I stopped.

So, in the end, I stopped playing chess because I was Gaming While Female.

I don’t want to get into card gaming because I don’t want that to happen all over again.

Dearest Persephoneers,

It is Sunday and I am being productive + lazy. How do I accomplish that? Well, I did laundry, took out trash AND recycling, washed all of my personal dishes (fortunately my roommates wash their own personal dishes soon after using them, so the sink was empty — we just need to work on putting dishes away), and now it is time to make and eat lunch and then watch movies or Doctor Who on teh netflix and knit things until bedtime.

Yesterday I watched college football with Fella and we made and ate lots of taco soup (basically chili with fewer beans), and then found a pottery and other pretty things gallery that he passes on his long (50 mile) bike ride so he could buy a wedding present, and then we spent most of a thunderstorm at Barnes & Noble (during which I found and had rageface at “Christian Inspiration” nonsense, after which Fella steered me toward the books about puppies and I had happyface) and THEN ice cream and watching Ratatouille.

This week might be my last one at the bookstore, or that might be next week. I will probably know Wednesdayish. Next weekend I am going with a friend in the area to visit another friend of ours who lives in a coastal town in NC (also where NC keeps their Marines). It will be fun and with food and knitting and beer and lots of being awesome. And hopefully I will have another job soon and not spend another month or more being unemployed and hating my life.

Hiya kiddos!  I’ve missed you all so very much!

We finally made it to Oregon and I start my awesome new job on Monday.  Ooh, that means I’m no longer in a red state . . . girl needs a new avatar.

The last couple of weeks without internet have been TORTURE.  I have no idea what’s been happening!  Somebody fill me in – what’s the skinny ’round here?

It’s good! It’s almost strange living with laid back people now. I keep worrying I’m going to step on their toes. But the plus side is, if there was a big issue, they’ll say something in a non-shouty way, and it will all be resolved and everyone will be sunshine and butterflies.

In the meantime I’ve been struggling to get myself back on my feet, though. I wish we had come here sooner before my semester started, because I still feel like I’m in an “I’m shutdown” rut. The solution seems easy, and that’s get in contact with the people I should have been talking with and just generally be a responsible adult…but for some reason actually doing it seems nigh impossible.

Right now I’m thinking it’s mostly because I know I’m probably in fairly big trouble for being unreachable through the summer and three weeks into the semester…and I NEVER have really gotten in trouble with a non-parental authority, ever. So it feels like The Worst Thing In The World Ever (TM), even though it probably isn’t actually that bad, and I know continuing to avoid it will make it worse.

And the stupid school district hasn’t gotten its shit together, so the BF hasn’t gotten any work yet. Despite the fact that they need subs!

I want things to get better, but I know they’re not going to if I can’t start helping myself. Depression blows.

oh sweetheart, that sucks. I hate that self-doubt, self-loathing loop and I hate that I know exactly how that feels. 100% guaranteed that things are not nearly as bad as they are in your head. I wish I knew why we of the depression clan do that “not knowing and assuming the worst” thing rather than just checking on things and removing doubt.  If I could drill that one down to the root cause, that elusive Nobel Prize in Figuring Shit Out would be MINE!

It sucks too that once one HUGE problem goes away, other stuff that was on the backburner doesn’t even wait for you to celebrate before rearing their ugly heads.  Bastards.

I’m so sorry for the temporary suckification, but soooo happy that you and your sweetheart are in a healthier place and can take on stuff as it comes rather than being bombarded with ucky out of nowhere BIL junk!

I hope your new job goes well next month! I love this gif. It’s a perfect all-occasion gif.

I promised myself a small model of Serenity if I got this job so I’m going to get it with my first paycheck in a few weeks. I think that’s going to be the true measure of if this is the job for me – peoples reactions to the most awesome spaceship ever created sitting on my desk! *fingers crossed*

Portlandia, although we’ve landed in Vancouver for the time being.  Couldn’t seem to find a place in P-town within our current budget that met our delicate sensibilities (aka – a place that did not double as a meth lab).  We moved here from a town of 835 people . . .well, 832 now, I guess.  So needless to say, the transition has been . . . interesting.

Is anyone here from/in Philly, in their middish twenties, and in need of a drinking buddy? I can’t decide if I’m in on a Saturday night because I am a) still weirded out by relocation, b) hated by all my program-mates,c) the laziest of bums, d) socially inept beyond all help, e) ooor I don’t know anyone yet.

Hi, guys! I’m new to the comments (I have been lurking for months now) so I wanted to introduce myself! My name is Emily and I have a problem. That’s how these things start off, right? No? Rats.

Things I like: this blog, knitting, engines and things with them, parenthetical statements, fluffy animals that want to cuddle, cooking, baking, eating, really wonderfully terrible romance novels, and long walks on the beach in the moonlight.

Things I feel could use some improving in the grand order of things: sneezing, the way my house is never all clean at the same time, people who think I don’t know what I’m doing because I’m under 30 and don’t have a penis (I work in the automotive industry, there’s a lot of this happening), actually terrible romance novels, and having to be a grown up.

Well, duh, I know I fix machines by jerking my penis in awkward masturbatory motions! Doesn’t everyone?!

Some say I’m crazy. “Silverwane,” they go. “I’m pretty sure you don’t have a penis.”

But for that, I say they are SEXIST! For we all know true gender equality means equal opportunity penis-ownership. Freud said it first*!

*Maybe Freud didn’t actually say that. It’d be funny though.

Nice to have you here in the comments!  It’s where all the coolest ladies hang out!  If you like good romance novels, too, may I suggest Tessa Dare’s latest Spindle Cove novel, A Lady By Midnight?  Actually, all the Spindle Cove novels are good.  Any series that throws a wink and a nod to the Old Spice man is great in my book.

Another week spent in third grade.  I am beginning to dislike those children.  And I miss being able to pee whenever I want.  So on top of that frustration, I got to deal with insurance problems.  Namely, my doctor prescribed Nuvaring for me since I travel a lot and am never in the same place at the same time during the day to take the pill.  Turn in the prescription to the pharmacy only to find out that my insurance doesn’t cover it.  Because it has no generic alternative.  So my medication is going to cost me $90/month.    I have a legitimate prescription from a medical professional which I can’t even afford WITH insurance.  Thank God it’s not for my liver or something.  I called the doctor to report my findings and get back on the pill.  Which, of course, doesn’t work for me.  (And, you know, accidental pregnancy is expensive.)  Doctor gets back to me the next day and says, ‘I can give you six months of samples and then we’ll re-evaluate.”  Hopefully, I’ll be employed and have not-sucky private insurance by that time and can actually pay for prescriptions.

God bless helpful medical professionals.

And that was pretty much the only good thing that happened to me this week.  Bring on tonight’s Who!  (Dinosaurs in a spaceship, guys!)

I might be totally misremembering/misreading this, but doesn’t the ACA mean that your insurance has to cover birth control? When last I was at the pharmacy my no-baby meds were free. They’re a pill, though, and a generic. Maybe only certain types are covered? Good luck sorting things out, insurance companies suck.

Also, Dinosaurs in space! Woooo! And Amy not needing to be rescued all the time! And Rory’s dad is adorable! And Queen Nefertiti, who would be an awesome companion! So many things to exclaim over!

Dinosaurs in space are amazing.  And all the characters (including Rory’s dad with his golf balls) showing how capable they were made my day.  Rory’s med kit from the future, Amy’s button pushing…..I’m going to miss the Ponds.
And it was covered.  $10 of it.  Covered.  I was merely responsible for the other $90.  Loopholes are just GRAND, aren’t they?  (And I think most of the ACA doesn’t actually go into effect until 2014, so I don’t know if that provision is active yet anyway, and am too lazy to go do the research on a Sunday morning.  Somebody else tell me?)

Edited for anxiety – didn’t like having all these details out there (even though I’ve shared most of them before) so shortened to:

I GOT A NEW JOB! And I’m EXHAUSTED! And my house is a MESS! BUT I GOT A NEW JOB! One that will appreciate me and the skills that I bring to the table. I can not wait to go in on Monday!

I am looking forward to the fresh start.  I’m ready for positive events, new challenges and I don’t have time to waste. I’ve got a life to lead. This was me yesterday as I left my old job:


I didn’t grow up eating bacon, discovered it in college, and love the shit out of that swiny gold. I never buy it uncooked because I feel my mother telepathically judging me, and have no idea how to cook it. Also, if I did, I’d probably eat a whole package in one sitting.

In other words: yes. I wish there were someone to make me bacon on Saturdays. And Sundays. And everydays.

You guys, I’ve been sick for a week, and I hate it. I rarely get sick, but when I do, it’s pretty much the plague. I am happy to report that my appetite is still fully intact, even if I can’t taste anything, and less happy to report that getting lots of rest is nearly impossible, since every time I get one degree more horizontal than sitting straight up, I lose my ability to breathe.

Basically, I turn into a whiny dude when I’m sick.

Turning into a whiny dude is, I believe, an utterly legitimate symptom. We’ve been getting over colds here, and night times have been nothing short of horrid at points. Thankfully we seem to have got over the worst of it. Hope your sickness-horribleness comes to an end soon.

Request!  So, a few (many?) months ago, I saw a study in which about 1 in 7 or 1 in 8 men would admit to acts of rape as long as the word rape wasn’t used.  Anybody familiar with this study/know where I could find it?  I don’t remember if I saw it here or at Jezebel, but it would be very useful…


Hey, everyone! I hope everyone is having a fantastic Friday night. So, I not sure if it was all the fantastic women speakers I saw at the DNC this week (Sandra Fluke brought me to tears) or all the vitriolic language I’ve been hearing from some members of the GOP on the topic of women, but I am beyond fired up for this election. Then today I saw this:

You have to read down a little ways, but here’s the skinny: Billy Long, the joker that represents my section of MO in the House, is still standing behind MO’s most famous current joker of a politician, Todd Akin. Now, the joker politicians thing having each other’s backs doesn’t really surprise me at all. What does infuriate me though, is Billy Long himself is up for re-election in November, and the Democrat running against him has a fraction of the backing money that Long has. It’s just ridiculous that Long is standing behind a Tea Partier that the rest of the GOP has backed so far away from, and Long still expects, and probably will win, this district again. It just makes me so sad about where I live sometimes. I hear people talking about issues sometimes and it’s like I’m still living in the 1950’s. Ugh.


I think I might die alone. And I think I might have accepted it?

Ok, so I’m only 24 and have plenty of time (hopefully) to meet someone. And I was always the person to have a long term bf in high school/beginning of college so I’ve had a few years to “find myself” and it’s been great. But…it’s been 3 years since me and my last serious bf broke up and the guys that I’ve gone on dates with have lasted no longer than a month or two. And the guys that message me on OKC are just….I know I have high standards, but come on. Thrash metal band? Lives 50 miles away? Couldn’t use grammar properly if an English teacher was sitting next to him?

Sigh. I just want a boy who likes cats and staying in most nights and having intellectual conversations and being silly and absurd with each other. And sexytimes. Man, do I just want a boy to do sexytimes with.

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