A Fetish And A Tight Spot: Finding Community With Kink

Q. “I am a guy and I have a fetish with jeans, tight jeans. I go shopping for the tightest I can find and wear them places where people don’t know me. Is this a common thing or am I out there?”

A. My dear, if there is anything I have learned in the field of wants, desires, and sexual behavior, it’s that “weird” is relative. “Weird” is always accompanied by context and it seems that one person’s “weird,” whether it’s blood play, hanging from rafters, or having anal, is another person’s “vanilla” (which might also be blood play, hanging from rafters, or having anal). This too, works vice-versa.  More importantly, weird is almost technically, a null and void concept. If what happens between one or two or three consenting adults is not damaging and leaves no deep psychological wounds or STDs, I see little room for criticism or value judgment on something personal and private. Weird is such a subjective term, one that doesn’t necessarily do justice to folks’ complex desires without othering them in a child-like, fourth grader, ew, you have cooties type of way. So just remember, if you are feeling out there, that’s a loose description for something that hasn’t yet been fully explored. Once you find more like-minded folks, that “weirdness” may go away.

Now onto your tight jean fetish. I think what we are looking at here is a jump off from a clothing fetish. Normally with any sort of clothing fetish, there is a tendency to sexualize garments, having garments specifically for getting off or sexual activities. You see this take many forms: rubber or latex fetishes, leather fetishes, shoe fetishes, restrictive clothing fetishes, gender-relating clothing fetishes, etc. These terms serve as a generalization that when explored, leads to a much larger community that sometimes intersects and doesn’t necessarily pinpoint any one defined thing. It also leaves a pretty loose option on how people define their fetish towards that garment, in which a bevy of people derive pleasure from wearing the garment, seeing someone else wear said garment, how the garment feels, or even just seeing the garment sans person wearing it.

So, where does that leave you, friend? Well, it leaves you in a little bit of no-man’s land, though I’m hesitant to say even that. While your fetish might intersect with a few other popular fetishes, you might still be feeling a little left out because there is not a specific “men who like to wear tight, tight, tight pants and then go somewhere where no one knows you” fetish on Fetlife or DeviantSide. But that certainly doesn’t mean you are “out there,” though I’d love to know what places you are going to with your tight, tight, tight pants on. Are you going to a sports bar? A gay bar? Beauty Bar? I think this would tell me more about what you are seeking, other than the satisfaction of wearing tight, tight pants. Whose attention are you seeking? Whose eye are you trying to grab? Or do you just like the idea of any sort of person looking at you in tight, tight pants? By narrowing down the places that you go to while wearing your tight, tight jeans, we might be able to get more of an idea of where best you would have luck finding more folks that share your specific fetish.

Which leaves us to ask – do you have a fetlife or deviantlife or any sort of online fetish community account? If not, get one. Again, while you might not find your specific fetish immediately, you are more than likely to find a community who can totally relate or even participate in similar activities and just be calling it something different. You might find a partner who may be totally down with helping you reach the plateaus of your experience, even if it is something they didn’t initially start out being attracted to. You might just find someone who tells you, “Hey, that’s cool” and get some internal satisfaction from that.

So my best to you is, start exploring. Join a community and put your fetish out there and see what comes back. You will probably be pleasantly surprised and not feel so isolated by something that turns you on. That’s a horrible feeling and tha’ts why we have community – to feel less alone in what we want.

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