My Magical Vagina

When Todd Akin made his outrageous “legitimate rape” comments in August, it wasn’t just feminists and liberals who were outraged. Most prominent Republicans were quick to condemn Akin, insisting that he drop out and putting as much distance as possible between their campaigns and the toxic candidate from Missouri. But as of last week, when Akin could no longer withdraw from the race, suddenly he was the new darling of the GOP, collecting all sorts of endorsements and sources of funding. Since politicians are never hypocrites (?), clearly they must all be agreeing with Akin’s belief that women can’t get pregnant from rape because of vaginal magic. So I guess it’s time for all us gals to drop the charade, and to admit what Akin knew all along: our lady parts give us special powers, so that we don’t need abortions, equal pay, Medicare, equal rights, or any other protection from the government.

However, I am hoping that our admission will mean we won’t be censured any more for using the word “vagina” in public, like Representative Lisa Brown was in Michigan. And I also hope we can reassure men that they don’t need to be afraid of us – many of them started in a uterus and came out of a vagina. So for those of you who want to embrace our superpowers, here’s our new theme song!