Some people have a natural gift for jealousy. Without even trying, they find reasons to envy their siblings, their friends, their fellow students or co-workers, and more. But if you don’t have a knack for it, don’t worry. Just practice these simple techniques, and before you know it, you can become the most dissatisfied, begrudging person you know. Let’s get started!
Always compare yourself to people who have it better than you. When you notice that someone has something you wish you had–a nice apartment, a cute figure, a family who gets along, you name it–don’t let opportunity pass you by. Dedicate some time to thinking about how nice it would be if you had what they have. Ask yourself whether they even deserve it. You probably deserve it more!
Take the images other people project of themselves at face value. If your coworker has a framed photo of her and her girlfriend smiling, their relationship is always easy and fun. If your former college roommate has an important-sounding job, you can bet that she loves it and can’t wait to get to work in the morning. She doesn’t find it stressful or soul-sucking, and she certainly doesn’t need three glasses of wine every evening. Sure, you don’t broadcast your problems and worries to the world, but the only reason other people don’t is that they don’t have any.
Never compare yourself to people who have it worse than you. For instance, if you have enough food, don’t think about people suffering from famine, or if you haven’t undergone any terrible losses lately, don’t read about someone dealing with grief. Once in a while, someone may encourage you to count your blessings, or even make a list of twenty or fifty or one hundred things for which you are grateful. Resist this kind of thing. It’s a jealousy destroyer!
Be as oblivious as possible to your own amazingness. Are you smart? Funny? Imaginative? Open-minded? Try not to think about those things. If you become too aware of all your own good qualities, you’ll feel so confident and pleased with yourself that it will be difficult to muster up negative feelings about what you lack.
Don’t get too caught up in your own projects and activities. Even if you are very out of shape, it will be harder to resent fit people if you just worked out three days in a row. If you want to be a successful artist, you will begrudge successful artists less when you get lost in your own work. It’s weird, but it’s true.
Finally, and this may sound counterintuitive, but criticize yourself harshly for being jealous of other people. Don’t tell yourself that it’s a natural emotion people have experienced for millennia, or that you’re only human. Remember, the worse you feel about yourself, you are more likely to achieve green-eyed monsterhood. Good luck!