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I Want to Feel Sexy Too

I am a 37-year-old woman and I have never been to “that kind” of store before.

There, I said it. My embarrassment is now out there for all the world to read about and snicker at. But I am okay with it. In college, my more adventurous friend would go to those stores all the time, and we laughed at the stories he would bring back. When I wanted incense – I went through this burning things like candles and incense stage – he took me to one. Apparently they had the best selection and best prices. Lucky for me the incense was just inside the door. I got what I wanted and waited in the car, rifled with fear that someone from my conservative college would see me and get the wrong idea. A lot of life is about the image we portray.

Through the years if I wanted a cute nightie or a flirty bra I was able to buy it at the normal stores; you know the ones that are in the malls? Once I found the cutest thing at Frederick’s of Hollywood in the mall, but that was in Las Vegas. Our malls do not have much call for those types of places. I never had to venture into the black-windowed stores. Until recently.

I was perusing the racks at Victoria’s Secret and the clerk asked if she could help me. I inquired if they carried my size. “Unfortunately, we don’t have anything bigger than a large in those,” she said pointing to the adorable short set I had been look at (I liked the price, clearance). She then informed me, “Since you are busty, the ones we do have in your size probably won’t fit.”

I admit, I am not the same size I was a few years back but I am not that big. Okay I know Dr. Deah is going to let me know that I should be accepting of myself and not try to fit into the world’s mold. And I get that, sometimes it is so hard not to judge myself with the standards of American society, such as Victoria’s Secret. What cracked me up is that their models are busty and I was being told my boobs were too big for their lingerie. Whatever.

This left me with the need to find something special that fits my body type, to prove to myself that I am not unsexy or undesirable. My husband loves me and finds me attractive, but it is hard to believe that when I don’t see it in myself. Yes, I know, I need to read the book, Golda.

I did what any woman might do. I went to a store not in the mall. I went to Lover’s Package. This place was not the old school icky place that my friend in college would go to. You know the ones with booths in the back? Of course that was before the Internet. Yes, there was a time before Internet. I never thought of Lover’s Package as icky, but then they had an entire section of window front blacked out. Has to be because of sex stuff, right?? On that wall there are constitutional rights posted. I wonder if they have been harassed for being the type of store they are?

The clerks were hilariously hanging up Christmas decorations, making jokes about how many clerks does it take to hold up the balls? I shyly smiled, finding the humor in it but not wanting to be more obvious that I was there than necessary. Luckily I was the only one in the store for most of the time. A young couple came in and a strange guy came in at one point. I just wandered over to the other side of the racks and tried to hide. Just like in college, it would not do my job any good if I were seen in this store. I think next time I may travel to one out of town.

Let me tell you, they have some adorable fun outfits. Not just teddies or fishnet stockings. There were some beautiful corsets, which my boobs would have fit in. I did not feel huge in this store. I didn’t feel tiny, since I am not, but I felt normal. I had to ask the gal at the counter if the size would work for me; I guess my confidence was still a bit shaken. She assured me that it would. Phew. I am sure the sales clerks in those stores can tell a noob when they see one. Mayhap, they even take pity on us and encourage us to be adventurous. I am pretty sure I was a cute story from work for the clerk later that night. What woman my age still has trouble being comfortable with sex? Um, I do. But I am getting better with it. Eventually, I choose a little number that did exactly what I wanted it to, feel sexy.

Feeling sexy made me more open to the attention my husband wanted to lavish on me, just like Coco said in Swaths In Between the Sheets.  All in all my outing was a success.

 

 

By Trulybst

Pursuing life to its fullest. A woman, a mom, wife, and struggling teacher who knows the importance of treating myself right.

3 replies on “I Want to Feel Sexy Too”

It’s funny…I got a bunch of lingerie before we got married, and I wore it for the first few months of our marriage, then I just stopped wearing it. Then recently, I wore the sexiest lingerie combo (which I had been uncomfortable wearing when we first got married), and suddenly I felt sexy and totally in the mood. It’s uncanny how a little pampering for ourselves can change our attitudes.

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