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Monday Open Thread Flashback: Klutz Edition

Saturday afternoon I was pumping gas and, as is my habit, I went to empty my car’s trash bag. I drive around two always hungry children, so the trash was full of wrappers and apple cores. One moment I was stepping over the fuel hose, the next moment I was flying through the air, screaming, “Oh shit!” and my bag of trash was flying everywhere. 

My keys landed under the van, my knee was wrenched, and I turned 50 shades of pink, becuase I was filling my 16-gallon tank and was only on gallon five. Make me feel better about my lack of coordination and tell me about your “Oh Shit”-kiss-the-pavement moment, pretty please?

12 replies on “Monday Open Thread Flashback: Klutz Edition”

I fall all of the time. I half joke my legs are too far away from my brain to properly communicate. :)

I had a major papers-and-limbs-flying-everywhere wipe out during my first day at middle school, my first week in high school, and my first weekend at college. The first was down a huge flight of stairs, the last was in front of a cute guy. I also wiped out at my first job. I was lost and carrying a patient’s food tray…it was awesome.

So my best friend got me a $25 gift card for Etsy. I am a HORRIBLE person because I don’t want it. There’s just nothing I want. I see a lot of pretty things and I think…but what would I DO with that? It makes me sad because there’s actual things I NEED like new shoes and pants for work.

Someone tell me that I’m not the only person in the world that’s terrible at buying themselves “stuff”.

I’m totally with you, and add to that any time I receive a gift card, I tend to hold onto it for months or years trying to figure out if that store carries something I actually need and at a cheap price so I can get something unnecessary too. Or I’m just completely indecisive. I once held on to a iTunes gift card for 3 years before actually starting to use it, and its been 2 years and I still have money on it.

During a midnight showing of Rocky Horror. I was in a live cast, and during one of the numbers my foot slid out from under me and I did a cartoon-esque back splat. Right in the middle of the stage, of course. It was so classically bad all I could do was laugh.

The walkways around my college were old brick. I was running/sprinting to get to a meeting one day and (as was described to me by a friend who happened to see it) it was like my body had more forward momentum than my feet. I actually tumbled head over heels like a cartoon character. And because it was old brick I ended up with bloody gashes everywhere, and still had to go to the meeting with the prof that I was already late for.

In highschool, I was leading a bunch of other girls in streaking. A friend running next to me slid off the curb and knocked into me. She regained her footing, but I went sprawling across the pavement. nekkid. I kept going and only realized later that the left side of my body was bleeding profusely. Graduation was the following week- try explaining that one to all your family and friends…

There was one week at work that I stubbed my pinky toe on the side of my desk so hard and so many times that I gave that corner a wide berth because I was a little afraid of it.

I don’t wear white. ever. if I know I’m going to be eating/drinking or near anyone else who is eating/drinking.

I regularly seem to pull leaves and/or twigs from my hair as I’m getting ready for bed. Then yell at SO why he didn’t tell me I had a twig in my hair. He says it’s like an accessory, it gives me character.

I could go on, but that’s probably enough fodder for now…

In high school, I fell down a flight of stairs the morning of my (all-day) dance recital. That’s the year known as “That One Time PoM Did Nine Dance Routines With an Air-Cast and Several Ace Bandages and Then Wasn’t Allowed to Walk All Summer.”

I have a perma-bruise from the corner of my work desk. I have fallen while standing completely still. I skidded backwards into a pool one time. Fully clothed.

If it’s klutzy and humiliating, I’ve done it.

Last January, I fell off one of three steps outside of my ranch house and sprained my ankle so bad that I was out of work for two months.

Also, at my parents’ house, I fell down the stairs at least once a year and would end up with pretty severe bruises from my hip to my ankle. One time, I’m pretty sure I broke a bone or two in my foot.

And there’s also the time I broke my hand whole playing kickball.

I’m pretty much a walking catastrophe.

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