Welcome back, muffins, kittens, poodles, and the rest of you end-of-the-week seekers. We made it! We made it to the end of another week, and what better way to celebrate than to highlight the week’s news and events that are enough to send us running for the hills. Alas, it is always a trip to be here, relaying the current, the jaw-dropping, and the headache-inducing. So let’s put on our safety glasses and get down to business, shall we?

Syria is using scud missiles in a new effort to push back rebels. “[Obama] Administration officials said that over the last week, Assad forces for the first time had fired at least six Soviet-designed Scud missiles in the latest bid to push back rebels who have consistently chipped away at the government’s military superiority” (NY Times)
In Afghanistan, gunmen have assassinated two officials: Najia Siddiqi, the acting director of the women’s affairs department in the eastern province of Laghman, was shot dead by two unidentified men while commuting in a motorised rickshaw on Monday. In Nimroz province, General Mohammad Musa Rasoli, the provincial police chief of Nimroz, was killed when his vehicle was struck by a bomb while headed to work. (Al Jazeera)
The UN Security Council has condemned North Korea’s most recent rocket launch, saying that it “Violated a 2009 council resolution banning ‘any launch using ballistic missile technology.'” North Korea was then like, “Whatever, I do what I want.” (Al Jazeera)
Protests in Michigan against the right-to-work bill are still going strong and with good reason: Lawmakers in other states may use Michigan’s law as an example. (Washington Post)
Software tycoon and all around weirdo, James McAfee, has been deported back to the U.S. He was detained a week ago after fleeing from Belize to Guatemala, where he is wanted for questioning in connection with the murder of a neighbor. (BBC)
Police have identified the gunman who went on a shooting spree at a shopping mall near Portland, Oregon, resulting in the deaths of two people and the injury of one, as twenty-two year old Jacob Tyler Roberts. (BBC)
Yes kittens, this may all seem laced with sarcasm to dull away the obvious negativity, but the news can get pretty awful sometimes. It makes you sit there and ask, “Why? Why?” Sure, the snark isn’t good for everything, but it sometimes makes it easier to deal with the overwhelming with a dash of humor and a dash of sarcasm-laced fear, and call it a day. Right? Right? Well, at least when the world looks extra awful, reach out and tell someone you love them. Give a hug. And for goodness sake, turn off the damn news! That stuff gives you nightmares.