Gift Guide

Gifts for the More Immature, Inappropriate, and Inane People in Your Life

I have the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old boy. My husband’s farts still crack me up after years, and my own will send me into fits of hysteria that just create more farts. The cycle is endless.

I totally get this from my dad. “Pull my finger” still gets me, even though my mom has banned it from the dinner table. The word “balls” slays me when properly deployed. To make a long story short, I want everything in this gift guide. Follow me on a journey for gifts for that special person who makes you roll your eyes, hang your head in shame or disbelief, or walk five steps ahead of on the street so nobody knows you’re together.

Rude Hand Gestures of the World | PLASTICLAND.

Rude Hand Gestures of the World Book black and white photo of man with his hand under his chin with red and blue writing

Allows one to go far beyond giving someone the middle finger. I need this because some days flipping off all the people who need it starts to give me a cramp. It Ain’t Gonna Spank Itself Women’s Stripper Shorts: Clothing.

black boy short style underwear with white writing that says "It Ain't Gonna Spank Itself"

Who doesn’t like a good spanking now and then? I need these because the hubs is always a little hesitant with the rougher stuff. I love my vanilla boy, but damn it, sometimes a girl likes it rough.

Shit I Gotta Fucking Get Done Notebooks – Cool Material.

Brown notebook with "Shit I Gotta Fucking Get Done" written in black

I have a number of inappropriate office accoutrements. My coffee mug says “Queen of Fucking Everything.” They are used to my foul mouth, so this handy notebook wouldn’t surprise anyone around here. Also easily DIY; just get a plain Moleskine notebook and find a cool font to trace this or any other saying you would like.

J!NX : Release the Kraken Boxer Briefs – Clothing Inspired by Video Games & Geek Culture.

Black boxer briefs with "Release the Kraken" written in white with tentacles wrapped around words

These are just funny. What nerdy guy hasn’t at least thought this when unsheathing his boner? – Farts Around The World – A Spotter’s Guide.

Book titled "Farts Around the World" with cartoon pic of a dude dressed like Waldo and another in a fur coat with a red Fart Machine attached

I wish I were still capable of being embarrassed about the number of hours I have spent being highly amused by fart machines. Unfortunately, that ship has long since sailed. I feel this could keep me amused for days. I mean, come on, this book includes this picture–

Square dance cartoon with an older lady ripping a big ol' green gas cloud of a fart The Hillary & Bill Clinton Combo Set: Everything Else.

Bill Clinton Action Figure corkscrew and Hillary Clinton Nutcracker

These things were potentially made to be offensive to the awesomesauce Clinton power duo. I personally think they are fucking awesome. Bill, as most people who have been in his presence or watched him on TV, is sex on a stick, so why not use his corkscrew cock to open some wine? Hillary is cracking nuts and taking names all over the world, so why not in in your kitchen, too? In the immortal words of Tina Fey, “Bitches get stuff done!” Pretend like each nut you crack is some dickbag dictator.

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats: Francesco Marciuliano: Kindle Store.

Book titled "I Could Pee On This, Poems by Cats" with a cat sitting on a desk with books and a typewriter

If you go to the Amazon page, you can read some excerpts of this book. It is pretty freaking funny, and would be well appreciated by any cat owners in your life.

And last but certainly not least in any way…

A Round Up Of Fucks

MATURE sterling silver naughty saying necklace Go by inthegate2009.

Silver necklace that says "Go Fuck Yourself" laying on wood

Gold Studded FUCK Beanie by tiffanymamone on Etsy.

Black beanie with the word FUCK in brass studs

Eff You See Kay necklace Fuck funny curse word by Exaltation.

gold colored wire necklace that says "eff you see kay"

Fuck Necklace 14kt Gold Filled Brass Curse Word by viancamercedes.

gold necklace with a plate that has the word "Fuck" stamped on it

Swear Purse FUCK / Betty by Fache on Etsy.

red purse with the word Fuck printed on it in a darker reddish brown

No fucks to give button 1 inch by frostovision on Etsy.

white button with the words "No Fucks To Give" in Black

F CK OFFSmall Disc Necklace Brass Necklace Brass by MetalTaboo.

Gold necklace with a circle charm with the words Fuck Off stamped on it

Profane Funny Threat Coasters Dont fuk up the by 4pointsbarware.

set of 4 coasters in blue, teal, green and red with the words "Don't Fuck Up the Table" printed on them

porcelain FUCK ring by christinaroot on Etsy.

fist wearing a gold and silver ring with the word "Fuck" stamped on it

You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck by AnyaNerdStitching.

Completed cross stitch in a frame that says "You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give" in multi colored words

Shit’s Fucked Up Girly Grey Tshirt by pinklineproject on Etsy.

two women holding hands wearing a grey shirt that has "Shits Fucked Up" printed in black

Fuck You That’s Why by hermanandivy on Etsy.

grey and pink print that says "Because Fuck You, That's Why" printed in white

Hopefully this will be helpful in providing ideas for those you buy for who have more discerning tastes.

Happy shopping!

4 replies on “Gifts for the More Immature, Inappropriate, and Inane People in Your Life”

Last night my 7yr old drew some characters from some crazy graphic novel (super diaper baby), and it included a poop sheriff (or something)- I laughed and laughed. It was my husband who gave her the “do not draw this at school”. Then we had the conversation “Poop is funny but not apporpriate at school”. So I totally get you ;)

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