You Complete Me Internet

You Complete Me Internet: Long Reads and Looks for Long Waits Edition

Most of the Internet is delivered in tiny, bite-sized chunks, but sometimes you need something more substantial. 

January seems to be a month of standing in more lines than normal for me, but standing in line has become 43% more interesting in the smartphone age. Some lines call for a round of Angry Birds. Some lines (for whatever reason, Auntie Selena doesn’t judge) call for reading. When you’re in a reading line, try some of these:

This is a clever idea. Wired offers “Defend Your Show: The Simpsons,” a rather lengthy and passionate love letter to a show most of us forget is still on. This is an excuse to post my favorite Simpson’s .gif.

Simpson's character Sideshow Bob getting hit in the face by two rakes

This pair of links needs a blanket TRIGGER WARNING. The first was reprinted on Longform, from a 1994 print article in GQ. “Little Girl Lost” is about the career and eventual death of a young porn actress. It’s both riveting and problematic, but ultimately, it’s just very sad. The second is most certainly problematic, and at times very uncomfortable to read. “The Science of Sex Abuse” explores methods used to predict the recidivism rates of sex offenders when determining release. It allows some states to keep violent sex offenders incarcerated after sentence completion if the state believes the offender is at a high risk of committing another violent crime. The subject the author uses to illustrate the problems she perceives in the system is where things get sketchy, a man in his twenties who has been sent to prison twice already for possessing child pornography. The whole article is couched in an idea that degrees of severity between being a child pornographer and viewing child pornography mean the author thinks some pervert shitbags are being punished too severely for being pervert shitbags. I’m going to sleep just fine if we worry about other things first.

Here’s more .gifs, that was all pretty heavy.

White cat in a hat with pink flowers, sitting in a pink colander.

Scene from television drama The West Wing: CJ Cregg sits next to Big Bird on a bench.

Fascinating: New York Magazine tells us that sometimes drugs are traded for things which aren’t money. Mostly linked for the title.

The 2012 National Geographic Photography Contest winners have been announced, and they are breathtaking. (via

This is more of a longlook than a longread, Flavorwire shows off a collection of pictures they snatched off the Internet of all sorts of neat places to walk.

Hrm. This¬†Time article advocates that psych record privacy might be hurting patients. I’ll let you suss that one up for yourselves, readers.

Linking for the picture the author chose. “How to Fix a Slowly Charging Android Smartphone” on

Finally, it’s not an Internet list without at least one reference to Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, The Oatmeal, Godwin’s Law, infographics, cats, and/or Community: Popular Mechanics tells us how they think Star Trek: The Next Generation would be different if it was made today.

By [E] Selena MacIntosh*

Selena MacIntosh is the owner and editor of Persephone Magazine. She also fixes it when it breaks. She is fueled by Diet Coke, coffee with a lot of cream in it, and cat hair.

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