Anthropologie: You Are Drunk

No matter how you feel about Anthropologie’s selection of cute dresses and whimsical decor, you’ve probably thought the store was drunk at some point. Here’s where Anthro had a little too much to drink before selling stuff.

The Pedal Porter Bicycle Crate – $98

What’s that? $98 for a crate I can get for free out of the trash? Anthropologie, you are drunk.

Bike basket from anthropologie. It's just a plain wooden box.
$98? Are out of your mind?

Studio Days Easel – $2,100

My mom is an artist. I could buy her a new easel for around $200 and take her old, paint-covered one home. Anthropologie, you are drunk.

Paint-splattered easel from Anthropologie

Shime Garden Tools – $1,250

These are designed to last 100 years. So is the rake that my grandma bought in the ’40s for pennies. Anthropologie, you are drunk.

Garden tools and storage bag from anthropologie

Chicken Coop – $3,000

Do you know what chickens do in coops? They shit. A lot. So maybe you want to spend around $100 buying wood from the hardware store and nailing it together. Or buy a coop that doesn’t cost $3K. Anthropologie, you are drunk.

A-frame wooden chicken coop from Anthropologie

Banana Chair – $1,800

You can make this ugly chair for nearly free by buying a wood chair at a flea market or garage sale and then taking the legs off a plastic chair you found at another sale. Put the two together, and there you go! An ugly chair for (almost) free. Anthropologie, you are drunk.

Wooden dinner chair frame with a plastic seat attached.

Amadine Settee – $4,998

For $5K, you can have a couch that looks like your cat clawed it! Or you can buy any couch and let your cat have some fun! Anthropologie, you are drunk.

Sofa from Anthropologie with suede on the base, armrests, and seat cushion, and a rug that looks torn covering the back cushion.

What have you seen at Anthropologie that is unnecessarily expensive?

By [E] Sally Lawton

My food groups are cheese, bacon, and hot tea. I like studying cities and playing with my cat, Buffy.

8 replies on “Anthropologie: You Are Drunk”

This. is. hilarious.
Also: WHO BUYS A CHICKEN COOP FROM ANTHROPOLOGIE?? I made mine from old pallets my boyfriend brought home from work. Cost: free. Assholes.

A pre-painted easel? A wood crate?
It makes me sad that there are rich and stupid enough to buy this, but then it also makes me think that I could sell similar stuff to similar people for ridiculous profit…

There are a lot of stores that I don’t shop at because they are ridiculously expensive–Williams & Sonoma, Neiman Marcus, & Pottery Barn, for example–and Anthropologie is one of the ones that I can’t afford. I’ve walked into one once, looked around, seen a few cute things, looked at price tags, and then promptly walked out. A lot of what they sell is stuff that rips off local artists or etsy artists, and I’d rather pay less and pay the original or buy crap at a thrift store if I want that “shabby chic” look. I mean, come on…really?

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