This weekend, six amazing speakers joined me for the Body Positive Dating Master Class.
We talked about everything from how to find partners who understand body acceptance, to how to improve your sex life, to how to “feel cute” more of the time.
So much great stuff came out of this event that I just had to share some highlights from these calls. Of course, this is not a comprehensive list. It’s just the tip of the iceberg of pure awesomeness that was the Body Positive Dating Master Class. And by the way, you can still get all of the recordings of these talks here.
1. Your Vagina Is Not A Delicate Flower
An essential part of getting the sex life I wanted to have was relinquishing the mythology that I’d been taught about my vagina”¦ Release all pussy myths. They are not there to make you or anyone else happy. There are a thousand things that women are taught about our pussies – that our vaginas are delicate flowers, that we need to protect our reputation, we can’t give “the milk” away for free”¦ These mythologies”¦are in place to uphold sexist ideas about what vagina means”¦ Your vagina is not a delicate flower”¦ and it exists for your happiness and your pleasure.
— Virgie Tovar, 10 Things About Sex You Always Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Ask
2. Don’t Put “Contingencies” On Your Dating Life
You need to allow yourself to date and to not put contingencies on it. [Don’t] say, “When I am this certain weight or I look this certain way or I have a particular job or I live in a certain place, then I’m going to be ready to date, ready to be in love and get all of the good things in life.” That’s not how it works. Life is not that neatly bundled up, and you’re wasting a lot of time in your life. There are so many awesome things out there and great people to meet that to be holding all of that great stuff back is a waste of time and a waste of energy.
— Cija Black, Restart Your Love Life with a Heart Makeover
3. Figuring Out What You Want And Don’t Want In Your Sex Life Is Key
A lot of fat women get told from early on that they’re doing you a favor if someone wants to have sex with you. No. They’re doing themselves a favor, and I can’t emphasize that enough. They’re the ones who are getting off. And they’re not necessarily caring if you’re getting off. The person who’s got to care about you getting off… is you. So… figuring out what you want and using the power of your brain and thinking through your likes and your dislikes, your desires, things you don’t want, is really important. It’s really useful, it’s really helpful and it can help you to create the sex life that you really, really want.
— Hanne Blank, The Biggest Sex Organ Is The Brain: Opening Your Mind To Better Sexual Options
4. When It Comes To Having A Better Sex & Dating Life, One Cliche Is Really True
It’s such a cliche. All the stuff I have to say to you you’ve heard a million times”¦ [but] the cliche seems to be true. If you want to do it, you can do it, but you have to work at it, and if you’re positive about it in the sense that you keep pushing you can get there. And your perspective, your attitude, your self concept is everything. It’s all about what you think about yourself.
— Rebecca Jane Weinstein, The Naked Truth About Fat Sex: The Top Five Things I Learned About Attraction And Body Size
5. Use Sound To Turn Yourself On
Sound is one of the things that can really inhibit our sexual pleasure or can really free it. I think most of us are pretty inhibited about sound when it comes to sex”¦ The thing about making sound is that it’s another one of these wonderful, multipurpose tools. Sound, literally, turns more of your brain on”¦ When you make sounds you actually amplify the perception, you turn more of your brain on, you tell your brain, “Pay attention! Something good is happening here!” So sound can really amp up what you’re noticing and how much pleasure you’re getting.
— Sheri Winston, Abundant Woman, Abundantly Sexy
6. If Fat Acceptance Is Important To You, Talk About It Early On
I actually put in my profile, “I’m a fat chick. I write about sex,” or “I write about dating.” And when you’re screening your potential dates, I would talk about my interests and one of those interests is fat acceptance”¦ Most people don’t understand the whole fat acceptance thing, so getting it out of the way in the beginning is important”¦ Because you don’t want to get into something and then realize that they think fat acceptance is a joke or that kind of thing. So I like to get it out of the way, relatively soon, in the beginning.
— Tasha Fierce, Beyond “˜No Fat Chicks’: Getting Over Stereotypes about Fat and Sex
By the way, if you’re reading this now and wish you could have been there, it’s not too late! Just click here to check it out.
Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness, a program designed for plus-sized women who are fed up with dieting and want support to stop obsessing about food and weight. To learn more about Golda and her work, click here.