What Would the Perfect Awards Show Be Like?

When I was younger, I thought awards shows were fun. I liked seeing the beautiful dresses and sparkling jewelry, and if it was a host that I thought was cool, I wouldn’t mind watching, even if the jokes were lame. But as I’ve gotten older, even when I think the host is awesome (or hosts, in the case of Amy Poehler and Tina Fey at the Golden Globes), I just can’t watch an entire show. I usually wind up angry over who won, who got snubbed, something pretentious that happened, and on and on. 

That’s why I don’t think I will be tuning into the Oscars this weekend. Not only have I not seen any of the movies nominated (I am just not a movie person), but I don’t care for Seth MacFarlane and I really don’t care to waste hours and hours watching bajillionaires award one another. I know I sound super cynical, but it’s hard not to be when award shows so often disappoint.

If I were in charge of the Oscars (which, you know, will never happen), I would make sure to have someone likeable (Hugh Jackman perhaps) just announce all the winners, have an amazing actor or actress recognized for their body of work, and then maybe have a few musical productions tied in with the films. I might add a few new categories, too, like “Best Movie Nobody Saw” (although, would you really want to take home a statue for that?). I wouldn’t bother having a boring monologue, or attempting to force people to banter with one another. I would keep it simple, and more importantly, I would keep it short. If there was any time left over, I would hand out awards to the best outfits, too. Hey, it’s my show! I can do what I want!

If you were planning the Oscars, what would you do? Keep the format the way it is, or spice it up? Would you get rid of any categories, or add some? Who would be your dream host?