Toys, Toys, Toys: We Want Toys

[NSFW pictures after the cut] Children, one of the best things about writing a sex column is the perks. I don’t mean to humblebrag, but I get to write about historical vibrators, squirting, anal and not anal, and sex toys. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

Sex toys is one of my favorite topics. We here have talk about sex toys often, whether it is me recommending that you give one a try,  the long-term care of your precious pieces, or tapping your creative bubble to make your own (stick with this article, kid, and you might not have to). Sex toys ain’t just recently hopping on into modern culture like Mr. Scalia believes “the gays” (â„¢) did (just kidding, he doesn’t think that. But he does think this!) .Their expanse through history is much deeper than one would ever expect, ranging from upper-paleolithic dildos nearly 30,000 years old, to the “medical treatments” of a little thing called the vibrator . Once a taboo topic, we can thank the good folks of the ’60s and ’70s for bringing out  movements and conversations on sexuality and defying sex beyond pro-creation and “woman” and “man,” to the first inklings of culture becoming savvy of sex toys again. Hop to the ’90s, when adult toy companies, having been sued into making not so great toys, began revamping their materials and reputation of sex toys. Today, most folks if not own a sex toy, can at least talk to you about a sex toy, and whether it’s because you saw that one Sex and The City episode,  or you have strolled through your local toy shop, the sex toy is becoming more of a mainstream “okay,”  which, hell, if society were more okay with masturbation and sexual pleasure, maybe we won’t be so uptight and saying things like Mr. Scalia.

Now, I think everyone should own at least one nice little  toy – and we might be helping you with that, but we will get there in a moment. I’d like to highlight my top favorite toys for girls, boys, or whoever you are because fuck gender binaries! These are the toys that offer a space for both beginners and old-timers, pleasurable objects that are here for your needs.

The Rabbit: I swear by the Rabbit brand like some folks swear by certain types of flour. This model is known as the Bending Bubbly Bunny, a nice in-between piece for both those dipping their feet into the pool, and those who have been practicing for a while. I find that these style of rabbits are a bit softer than some of the waterproof models, as well as easier to clean. It also has a champagne vibrator, so you know.

The Rabbit is probably the best known vibrator brand (again, thank Sex in The City for sending hordes of bachelorette parties to your local store). The Rabbit’s whole idea was to modernize the vibrator, and creating a cute, if not incredibly successful clitoral stimulator that looked like bunny ears, as well as a dual action vibe.  The originalRrabbit was known quite literally as “The Original Jack Rabbit,” and  was designed and manufactured by California Exotic Novelties.

G-Spot Action: Remember how some scientist were all like, “There’s no such thing as a G-spot! Science!” Okay, well not only did they need to let Sara Gilbert get on that, we will casually ignore that sort of science for now and recommend  The G-Spot Arouser. This puppy is special, because not only does it curve back to hit the intended G-spot, it has just the tiniest little vibe in the front for clitoral stimulation. This is good for folks out there who have trouble with or aren’t loving penetration, as the shaft is thin and short enough to stimulate near the lower wall of the vagina, yet not “take up” all the room.

So, you know this famed squirting that we talk about a lot here, right? The power to squirt mainly comes from your G-spot. Not too long ago, a study referred to as the “The role of the Grafenberg Spot and female gushing in the female orgasmic response: an empirical analysis” (charming name), published in J Sex Marital Ther 15  (Davidson JK, Darling CA, Conway-Welch, C -Summer 1989) reported that when ladies ejaculate or squirt, there was no evidence of any urological problems, which many folks confuse when they do squirt or when they stimulate the G-spot and it feels like having to go to the bathroom. The study suggested that female ejaculation and coital incontinence are two distinct physiological events, although the similarity is not always distinguishable in a particular individual’s mind, depending on experience with squirting and ejaculation, and that G-spot stimulation is in fact, real.

But What About The Men: Yes, yes gentlemen, I have not forgotten you, here on this predominantly women’s publication. Welcome into your life the Wrap Around Sleeve, aka, in layman’s terms, the pocket pussy. Personally, I picked this number because the little lady hanging out on top is actually quite nicely paired with the coloring, and dare I say, looks a little bit more like art than pocket pussy? Not that I have any issues with the pocket pussy, only that they are clearly not targeted at me for my masturbation needs, therefore, I get to highlight the one I think is pretty. Anyway, the wrap-around sleeve offers enough pressure and “feel” for the gents out there.

Which brings me to this point: if we as a society are going to be down with the acceptance of vibrators, we should give the masturbation sleeve just as much credence. I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a  sex toy shop and heard someone yammer on about vibrators for half and hour, and then pick up a pocket pussy like it was kryptonite and exclaim “ewwwwwwww.” Yes loves, I know the pocket pussy can look weird because it is a a little silicone vagina, but let’s give the same love and acceptance to male masturbation aides as we do vibes, shall we?

Anal Beads: These baby blue cuties are known as Colored Anal Beads – now available in pink, blue, and purple. I like these because the balls range in size, and if you are new to putting toys in your butt, it’s a great place to start, as opposed to some of the more intimidating butt plugs out there. Thirteen inches and balls that go up in 3/8 sections, it’s my recommended way to begin anal play.

So, my top tips about anal play? 1. Flared base : this shall save in the, let’s call it, awkward recovery department if that trip had to be made.Your ass, you may have noticed, has that involuntary muscle contraction I like to coin as “gulping”, meaning, when your sphincter tightens, it’s easy for something to get swallowed up in there. A flared base will make sure to keep your toy at surface level and save on any awkward conversations. 2. Lube: lots of it. Your anal cavity doesn’t really produce lubrication like a vagina does and the more lube, the less likely you are to experience discomfort, tearing, and bleeding. I swear by water-based lubes for most sex activities, but with your butt, you actually want to work with more silicone-based lubes, since water-based lubes tend to absorb into your body. If you don’t have a silicone-based lube, it just means you will be re-applying your water-based lube often during sex. Final note! Make sure your lubes match up with your toys-and if you aren’t sure, check out this primer.

Double your pleasure: Last but not least, I’d like to highlight the strap-on. Cast-typed as the sex toy for lesbian couples everywhere, I’d like to suggest that the strap on is actually a pretty universal toy, whether you are in said vagina-based relationship, or if you are into pegging. Yes, pegging, AKA hitting your guy in the ass. The strap-on can be intimidating, but the Betty’s vibrating tends to be on the lighter side of things, for parties of all genders.

Now, here is the fun part. Care to take home one of these lovely little toys? Well aren’t you lucky that you scrolled down to read the entire article.

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