Mid-Week News: I Can And I Will

Welcome back, muffins, kittens, poodles, and sweet, sweet peas!  Here we are, taking to the brimming cauldron of news and newsish-esque, highlighting the week’s events that are enough to send us running for the hills and screaming for mercy. Alas, this is always a trip, to be here, relaying the newest and the new-ew-est. So pop your best poppers, and down your best painkillers; let’s get this show on the road.

Springfield Police home page; Chief Wiggum saying "You have the right to remain fabulous."
Chief Wiggum says so

On Tuesday, North Korea said that it would put all its nuclear facilities – including its operational uranium-enrichment program and its reactors mothballed or under construction – to use in expanding its nuclear weapons arsenal, sharply raising the stakes in the escalating standoff with the United States and its allies. In other news, all three-year-olds are holding their breath till they pass out if they don’t get their way. (NY Times)

New York State Senator Malcolm Smith and City Council member Dan Halloran were arrested early Tuesday for attempting to manipulate this year’s mayoral election, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Four others were arrested along with the Queens pair, including two Republican party officials and the mayor of Spring Valley, N.Y. (Huffington Post)

The eurozone economy has passed another bleak milestone: Official figures Tuesday showed that unemployment across the 17 European Union countries that use the euro has struck 12 percent for the first time since the currency was launched in 1999. (Huffington Post)

The UN’s General Assembly passed the first-ever landmark arms treaty pact in effort to regulate global arms trade. The three countries that were against it? Iran, North Korea and Syria. Seriously, guys, the whole axis of evil thing is hogwash, but come on! You weren’t even trying here! (Al Jazeera)


Are you sufficiently worked up? Cringing about bought elections, arms races, and Korean dictators gone off the deep end? Wondering if Kim Jong-un is hiding under your bed? Girl, me too. But fear not! The day is almost over, and with this one ending comes another dawn, another day, and another new news bracket to keep you busy in a state of worry and denial. Until next time, you beautiful kittens.

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