Don’t Party Too Hard: Delaying Orgasm

Q. How can I delay ejaculation?
A. My love, from your short as a duck’s distance from the ground question, I’m going to read between the lines and say that this is almost a two part question: How can I not orgasm so soon and how can I not orgasm so soon so I can please my partner? First, the good news: there are many options for predicament one, where as predicament two involves a little bit more conversation with your partner about their needs. But let it be noted for the record: pleasing your partner can’t ever be as simple as just delaying orgasm, even if that is the bulk of what you are getting at.

Premature ejaculation is, unfortunately, a bit of a sore spot (and, frankly, the insult I use when someone harasses me on the street) but why premature ejaculation happens is oftentimes not so deeply looked into. The reasons vary from inexperience, to nerves, to actual physical nerves, and so on and so on. It can be seen as a masturbation issue, where men get so used to popping one off as soon as possible, because who doesn’t like to orgasm? Because of this, sexual pleasure becomes a task to be completed ASAP or the fact that when one grows used to one’s hand or masturbatory device, vaginal or anal sex is akin to pouring baking powder and vinegar together. Premature ejaculation can also be seen as the unfortunate side effect of gentlemen who feel so entitled to their own pleasure and not so much their partner’s, but honestly, no one should be sleeping with those selfish bastards if they’re over their mid-twenties (that is a very, very generous window). If it were up to me, there would be an international ban on sleeping with those types of selfish motherfuckers. However, I think the lowest common denominator here is that premature ejaculation mainly stems from a combo of or one of the following: nerves and practice.

Being nervous seems to do one of two things to male ejaculation: it either stalls it completely, resulting in floppy dick, or it tends to make one’s penis much like the asshole at the party who busts in at a quarter ’til nine (you said nine on the dot because you knew you had to get those pigs in a blanket in the oven so they would be perfectly crispy), drinks all the good wine, and throws up in your bathtub at 9:01. While you probably have a bit more self control than say, that drunk guy at the party, the metaphor of your premature ejaculation stands, and it will take at least an hour for everyone to recover from the guy who partied too hard, too quickly.

There are a few options available as far as stopping your good sir from crashing the party too early, some of which I recommend, some of which I’ll list, but don’t really stand by 100%; however, I’m all about knowing what options are out there and weighing the pros and cons of each.

1. Cock rings: So, not only will this make your penis gorge itself with blood and look and feel harder, it will delay orgasm (as well as potentially heighten it). Cock rings work by constricting blood flow in the penis, via the circle-like little toy that is placed at the base of the penis or below the scrotum and penis, thus keeping blood in the shaft of the penis. Rings can be made in a variety of different materials, and the benefits not only include a delayed ejaculation, but a sensation that is said to be more intense, since it takes longer to come, in addition to the penis being filled with blood. Here is the downfall of the cock ring: you can’t wear it for more than 30 minutes. But I wore a steel cock ring for all of the Folsom Street Fair while my master pulled me around like the subservient man dog I am and that was like six hours! Hoorah for you my sweet, special snowflake, but no joke, you should only be wearing a cock ring for about 30 minutes; even the makers and vendors will tell you that. The worst case scenarios of a cock ring that’s been worn too long are numbness, priapism (aka, the world’s longest and most painful erection), permanent nerve damage, and the hideous sounding penile gangrene.

2. Wear a condom: You should be wearing a condom most of the time anyway, especially if your partner is new, you both have not been tested, or the hundreds of other reasons why it’s a good idea to wear a condom. But condoms don’t feel good! Yeah. That’s the point here. Condoms reduce stimulation and sensation, which is why you asked me this question. Avoid condoms with those lovely sounding names like “extra-thin,” or “sensation galore;” while these may be helpful, they may not stave off ejaculation like you were hoping. Besides, look at all these lovely condom options. You can always change condom brands once you’ve got the delayed orgasm thing down to a T. Plus, there are condoms out there with numbing gels on the interior, so with that being said…

3. Numbing gels and analgesics: So, there are creams and sprays and lubes and goo, all of which can desensitize your penis and make you last longer. Benzocaine is the main ingredient in these products, which is the same stuff they use at the dentist’s office when you get a filling, certainly to a lesser degree, but you get what I’m getting at right? To each their own, but I don’t like numbing creams: they take away the point of sex to a certain extent (pleasure), if they get on your partner, it ends up not feeling awesome for them, and the biggest issue I have? They can numb your genitalia to the point of not feeling certain micro-tears or even larger bumps, bruises, and other minor painful little discomforts you might experience during sex that can be more uncomfortable once the cream has worn off. Pain is a signal from your body that something isn’t okay; pain is good (sometimes pain is real, real good) but really, feeling pain is an indicator of how sex is going. Pain is what says,”Oh, let’s not do this, it doesn’t feel good.” If you can’t feel that from your body, you could be doing permanent damage to your body or your partner’s body; worse still, you might not even know it until later, when the party is over. That being said, if you do decide to use numbing creams and gels, a word to the wise: Using said creams and gels and what not are best used with a condom, seeing as the last thing you might want to do to your partner, who might not be experiencing orgasm as quickly as you, is to apply numbing cream to the outside of your penis, thus, transferring it to your partner. No, that is not fun, and no, I certainly do not speak from any sort of personal experience, none whatsoever.

4. Change positions, slow down, switch it up: It’s amazing how word got spread around that hammering at someone like a jackhammer on 11 is considered good sex. Orgasm happens from the right pressure, for the right amount of time, and in the right position. If you are a gentleman, you can usually go for two minutes in that one good position and then wham, it is done. So let’s take it a step back from porn jack hammer land. First off, while it might feel good for you, it doesn’t always feel good for your partner to be fucked like that. Second, if you do all those things at once, of course you are going to prematurely ejaculate; this is not nuclear fission we are talking about. The key is finding positions that aren’t as trigger happy for your penis. Also slow down, this is not a goddamn race, you do not need to get to the finish line just yet. I know it feels awesome and what not, but just slow down. Don’t worry so much about being results-oriented. If you feel that “feeling” coming on, stop, maybe take a little breather, and once you are ready to go again, switch positions. Positions that aren’t so stimulating? Let your partner be on top. Positions that seem to be the most stimulating? Rear entry (god help me, I hate the phrase doggy-style), missionary, etc.

5. Practice, practice, practice: If you are having sex just every once and a while, you aren’t going to be as experienced at controlling your orgasm, plain and simple. Practice makes perfect. Not only will sex become something you are more used to, thus, your penis not getting drunk and getting partied out too quick, but you will also begin gaining a better knowledge of what both you and your partner’s bodies are like during sex. You will begin to better recognize when you are at that point where you need to abandon ship for a minute, as well as recognizing what works for your partner. Practice will also cut down on the performance anxiety you might be feeling.

These are the main methods I’d recommend, though they aren’t the only ones. If things are not improving, you might need to see a doctor. This should be seen as a last ditch effort, as most premature ejaculation problems can be solved with a little elbow work. Medical intervention should be considered with factors like your age (remember, things slow down a wee bit when you get older), health, and sexual history (which, sometimes a therapist might be best for). Stress can affect your sex life, as well as depression, medication, and hormonal changes. These are all situations where seeing a doctor might be the best solution anyway.

Now that you know some of the methods available for delaying your ejaculation, part two of this query needs to be, “How can I satisfy my partner?” There is no point in trying all these fabulous methods if at the end of the day, even with a prolonged orgasm, your partner is still left in the dust. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Practice. Find out what works for your partner and do that. Seriously, I can recommend gizmos and gadgets and what nots, but at the end of the day, the absolute best thing you can do as far as helping your partner feel as satisfied as you, is finding out what they enjoy and doing it.


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