Some things are just unavoidable.
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- The “People You May Know” feature on Facebook will always manage to include the one person who you’ve been trying to avoid, ignore, or forget about for any significant amount of time.
- In an otherwise empty movie theater, the only other two people who enter will be drawn to sit either directly next to, in front of, or behind you. And they will talk the entire time.
- The more you resent someone else’s success, the more successful they will become. Often exponentially.
- No fewer than four other people in any group will have the same ring or text tone as you, leading to a constant chain reaction of phone-checking every time the tri-tone iPhone text alert sounds.
- You will finally achieve the perfect, photo-worthy, mistake-free cat-eye makeup application when you’re at home, alone in your pajamas, at 9:30 on a Tuesday night, and you’ll never be able to recreate it.
- Watching TV or a movie with your parents guarantees there will be at least one graphic on-screen sex scene.
- The perfect item of clothing/pair of shoes that’s exactly your style, on sale, and right in front of you will be available in every size except yours.
- Some version of Law & Order will always be on TV. If, for some reason, no channel is playing any kind of L&O, the universe will implode.