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What’s Food Got To Do With It? Combining Sex and Food

Q. I spent the evening giggling via gchat with my long-distance bff about all the terrible Cosmopolitan sex tips. I found, though, as I ran across ones like, “Feed each other ice cream in the dark. You’ll miss, it’ll be messy, lick lick lick,” (I’m paraphrasing here), I thought, hey, that’s not so bad. I mean, it’s no, “Wiggle his balls like a pair of dice.” What’s the hang up with food sex? Or, moreover, why can’t I find any good leads on incorporating food into sex that isn’t whipped cream, fruit, ice cubes, or chocolate… I want realism! My question isn’t, “Why can’t I find a good source,” but it’s a demand: be my good source (please)!

A. “There is a very close relationship between love, sex and food,” says Maryanne Fisher, Ph.D. “It’s hard to feel romantic if you’re starving. On the other hand, when you first meet someone and are completely infatuated, often you lose your sense of hunger. Our bodies produce a chemical stimulant, phenylethylamine (PEA) as well as norepinephrine. They make our bodies feel alert, alive, giddy, excited – and many of us lose our appetite. The human need for food and sex are basic, part of the foundation of our nature, which makes it sensible that they are so closely knit together.”

Food and sex: it’s essentially what makes the world go round. So it’s not really surprising that so many find themselves pushing the two together, especially in a world that encourages women to eat as little as possible, and really, enjoy themselves as little as possible. But alas, you are right – most tips on incorporating food into sex are relatively… meh. Especially if sourcing from Cosmo. Yes, I know, I ride Cosmo’s sex tips like Seabiscuit, and sure, it can be thought of as a cheap pot shot. But the fact remains that most women got or still get their sex advice from Cosmo, so while you might find a diamond in the rough every once in a while, it mostly reads like Rachael Ray food fanfiction gone wild.

Slip a doughnut around his penis, and slowly eat it off.

Get fruity! A mashed banana or peaches inserted in your vagina is a delightful invitation for him to whoosh his penis around in it.

Dip your breasts in edible body paint, and use them to ‘sponge paint’ his entire body. Then lick it off.

Given your conversation with your partner, I’m sure you could supply many more.

What’s noticeable about sex advice that usually involves food is that items are always relatively sweet, which sounds like a good idea, since sweet foods are most often the most stimulating to your taste palate, but in all fairness, you really shouldn’t use sweet things below the equator. Foods with high levels of sugar have a tendency to bring out the yeast infection in all of us, and yet, lo and behold, there are at least a dozen recommendations for putting whipped cream on your vagina. Most sex toy stores offer edible body paints that are safe for use on your sensitive bits; however, I’ll be the first to testify that these usually taste like utter garbage (sorry, all my lovely folks who disagree.) I have yet to find an edible underwear or body paint that tasted good, mostly because to make it pH-friendly, the levels of sugar and glycerin have to be way lower, specifically so you don’t get a yeast infection.

However, there are a few other approaches you could take to incorporating food into your sex routine. There are aphrodisiacs, which are foods that either make you think about sex or are said to up your sex drive. These foods don’t have to be directly applied during sex, but can be thought of as foreplay, things that set the mood, rather than be used to slop around your partner’s penis. Chocolate, of course, is in there, which, poor chocolate. It tends to be the butt end of so many bad body paints and sex tips, that I’m surprised it hasn’t gone running into a corner to save itself. But again, herein lies the perception of sweet foods being the only thing used during sex. Mole is relatively delicious, so why not use it as a pre-sex dinner piece? Figs, oysters, salmon, and eggs – these are all foods that are recommended, even through the ages, as foods that stir the spirit into action.

Okay, but let’s get real about a few things right quick. There is nothing we all know more than the fact that eating a hearty dinner, one rich in items like those listed above, can leave one feeling not so sexy – satiated, but certainly not ready for sexual gymnastics. The key for using foods as a precursor to sex is to make sure that you aren’t going into the meal with the hunger of the gods, the, “Oh god, it’s 8 p.m., and I ate a bag of chips at work and I’m dying, just put it in my mouth,” feeling, where you end up eating half the plate along with your meal.

My last potential suggestions dive into the realm of porn: source out feeding porn and messy girl food porn as inspiration. Just a quick low down: messy girl food porn is a category of porn in which women usually start out with food items and then go balls to the wall with them, fully using them during sex. Think lesbian sex in a pile of spaghetti or a woman deep throating cereal while it spills all over her during foreplay. It’s a pretty distinct subsect of combining food and porn, but it might give you some ideas, even if it’s not the full on involvement like those in the videos you see. Lastly, there’s feeding porn, which is polarizing given how you feel about larger bodies in a society that is desperately obsessed with women becoming thinner and thinner. Feeding porn can best be described as larger women feasting down on food, sometimes on their own behalf, sometimes at the hands of others. The idea is that it fetishizes a taboo moral, which is women enjoying themselves on food, even as the culture around them tells them they should not. However, it can also fetishize being “fat,” thus only being erotic by eating, being “overfed,” and the feeder forcefully shoving food down someone’s throat. Like most porn, it’s complex, representing all sorts of issues at hand, even if it is potentially erotic or what turns you on.

When it comes down to it, food and sex are why we are on the earth – it’s just what we do. Yet, we live in a world that encourages us to not do these things, or if we do, we have to do them in an approved way. When it comes down to it, you don’t need me to tell you why you should put spaghetti on your partner’s chest during sex. If that’s what you want, you should just try it. I’m here to just say, hey – keep it out of your genitals so you don’t get a yeast infection. Don’t put small food items in your anus so you don’t have to make an embarrassing trip to the ER. If you want to roll around in salad dressing, just make sure you do it on a tarp and take a shower afterwards and that your partner’s penis isn’t lubed up with salad dressing and goes inside you. Don’t use spicy foods on any mucus membrane. Experiment with the food items you want, just use common sense so you can protect the genitals and the sensitive parts of your partner. Otherwise, the world is your oyster. Or your spaghetti. Or your cliche combo of strawberries and chocolate.

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