14 Life Lessons from What Would I Say?

What Would I Say? is the newest app to take Facebook by storm. Reminiscent of the now-defunct Horse_ebooks Twitter account, the app takes snippets from your previous Facebook posts and recombines them into new phrases. Most of the statuses it generates are pretty nonsensical, but sometimes it creates absolute gems.

What Would I Say status that reads "I am the one around the world"

In the entire world, there’s only one of you. You are special.

What Would I Say status that reads "And everyone is entitled to an update or something."

In the age of social media, it’s easy to feel like you owe updates to everyone you’ve known since birth about every little thing that happens. It’s OK to keep some things private! It’s also OK to reach out and ask for help when you need it, as difficult as that can be.

What Would I Say status that reads "Logged in there goes my day."

On the other hand, it’s easy to get sucked into the internet and ignore the real world. Fun as that may be, log out!

What Would I Say status that reads "Butterfly, butterfly, let's go play!"

Take a mental health break and spend some time in nature. It’s hard to focus on your problems when you’re chasing a butterfly.

What Would I Say status that reads "I get that you have to go away"

Sometimes people are in your life for a time and then leave. Sometimes it’s for the best that they go away, even if it’s painful in the moment. Sometimes you need to forcefully eject people from your life, and that’s OK too.

What Would I Say status that reads "Apparently he's been leaving a lasting impression on your speakers."

If you’ve gotten into a cycle of listening to mopey songs post-breakup, snap out of it! Wallowing is great for a while, but you have to move on.

What Would I Say? status that reads "At least we made it out"

Sometimes, making it out in one piece is the best outcome you can hope for. There’s no shame in simply surviving.

What Would I Say status that reads "Yes you can, and I did!"

It’s great to encourage your friends by telling them how you handled a similar situation, but keep in mind that what worked for you may not work for them, so don’t be too pushy about it.

What Would You Say status that reads "Don't mind me, I'll just use birth control."

Yay, responsible birth control usage! Be sure that it protects against STDs too if y’all haven’t been tested recently.

What Would You Say status that reads "Especially since we're going to be bad for the sex."

As long as everyone’s safe and consenting, sex isn’t bad! Go ahead and be naughty, we won’t tell (unless you want us to)!

What Would I Say status that reads "OK, peeps, go make a preemptive strike."

Ah, the pre-emptive strike. Not necessarily the best strategy in foreign policy, but in life, sometimes you need to rally your friends and tackle problems head-on before they escalate.

What Would I Say status that reads "It's time for Helvetica"

When all else fails, Helvetica.

What Would I Say status reading "Go buy some cookies."

Self-explanatory. All things are better with cookies!

What Would I Say status that reads "Neil deGrasse Tyson for Santa."


By [E] Hillary

Hillary is a giant nerd and former Mathlete. She once read large swaths of "Why Evolution is True" and a geology book aloud to her infant daughter, in the hopes of a) instilling a love of science in her from a very young age and b) boring her to sleep. After escaping the wilds of Waco, Texas and spending the next decade in NYC, she currently lives in upstate New York, where she misses being able to get decent pizza and Chinese takeout delivered to her house. She lost on Jeopardy.

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