10-Second Anecdotes That Reveal Too Much About Me: Sara Habein

When Karishma first posted her list of personal anecdotes, P-Mag collectively decided that having more of us write our own would be an amusing idea. Let us delve into my stubborn, enthusiastic past, shall we?

1. When I was in kindergarten, I thought that the “raise your hand” rule meant that you could say whatever you wanted, to whomever you wanted, as long as you raised your hand. My teacher informed me this was not true, and this seemed completely unreasonable to me.

2. In second grade, I enlisted friends in protest of our school’s open house night because it conflicted with Full House. We were not successful.
Personality Assessment: AT DAWN WE RIDE.

3. Some girls gossip and practice make-up during sleepovers. Instead, I once taught my friends Monty Python’s “Parrot Sketch” and we performed it for my friend’s mom.

Personality Assessment: I do what I want.

4. When I was 13, my parents wouldn’t let me dye my not-quite-blonde, not-quite-brown hair. Solution: Secretly add highlights with peroxide, applied to wet hair, post-showers. If they ever noticed, they didn’t say anything.
Personality Assessment: I do what I want.

5. Five days shy of 19, after seven months of dating and only ten months of knowing each other, my husband and I got married, much to the bafflement of everyone we knew. We’ve been married almost 12 years.
Personality Assessment: We do what we want.

6. My husband once said, “If you were ever on a date that involved a bad meal, I’d feel sorry for the person who you were with.”
Personality Assessment: Food disappointment is the worst disappointment.

7. I bring my own coffee to Disney World because nobody should ever call Nescafe “coffee.”
Personality Assessment: NO WAIT, it’s that. Coffee disappointment is the worst disappointment.

8. Up until five years ago, I still used Corel WordPerfect as a word processor, the same program I’d used since eighth grade for all my writing. (Now I use Open Office.)
Personality Assessment: I will use the same crappy thing for as long as I possibly can.

9. I once paid $10 for an imported Oasis CD single just so I could get the one song out of the three that I didn’t already have because I felt guilty about illegally downloading other songs. I once bought my third copy of Rumours by Fleetwood Mac, just because the sleeve was printed in Spanish. I once raked leaves for an entire day just so my dad would buy me a movie soundtrack containing a song I couldn’t get out of my head:

Personality Assessment: There is a method to my musical madness, I swear.

10. Now as the parent of an artistic nine-year-old girl, I have become the mother who asks her daughter to stop playing her keyboard long enough to clean her room, only to be told, “You don’t care about my music!
Personality Assessment: I’ll be forever repaid for my SPECIAL SNOWFLAKENESS and I’m going to have to try (valiantly!) to accept that.

And there we have it. Sure, there are other amusing or important stories from my life that are indicative of other personality traits, yet the arrogance-meets-honesty side of myself knows that it all comes back to ME-ME-ME. Is that always a good thing? No. However, despite all the self-centered trouble I give others, I find it interesting to see the same traits appear in my daughter. She’s going to thrive. She’s going to take names. She’s not a special snowflake — She’s her own overlord, and I’m so very proud.

By Sara Habein

Sara Habein is the author of Infinite Disposable, a collection of microfiction, and her work has appeared on The Rumpus, Pajiba and Word Riot, among others. Her book reviews and other commentary appear at Glorified Love Letters, and she is the co-manager of Electric City Creative.

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