Gift Guide

Holiday Gift Guide – WTF is This? And Why Do I Want it So Bad?

What do you buy the person in your life who has everything? How about something strange enough that you can almost guarantee they would never have reason to buy it for themselves?

We all have those people that are impossible to buy for. Either they have enough disposable income that they buy themselves whatever they want or need, or they are one of those minimalist folks that wants for nothing. Or, they are so incredibly picky that you don’t dare buy them something, lest you waste your time shopping for something you know they will just return. I think it is safe to say if you buy them one of the below, they will be inclined to give you a list in the future.

Stash Your Junk in your Junk

photo of a brass sculpture of a woman's midsection with a flower covering her nether region
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Okay, this super pricey one is starting us off, but I promise, it gets much more reasonable down below. Found by our awesome-sauce Head Unicorn, Selena, is this totally bananas trinket box. I love Jonathan Adler, and I can appreciate what he was going for here? Maybe? I don’t even know. While I like the idea of storing precious jewels in my “precious jewel,” I fear it might lead me to start calling my vagina “precious jewel,” and I can’t get behind that.

Jackalope Taxidermy

Photo of a mounted taxidermy Jackalope head, white with brown antlers
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I will probably take some heat for posting taxidermy, so I apologize in advance. I am an animal lover and do not participate in or particularly condone hunting for sport. I do, however, have a twisted fascination with taxidermy, particularly when it is something totally random, like the jackalope. I justify this all in my head by telling myself the rabbit was killed for food for a hungry family that then uses all the parts in whatever way possible to make ends meet, like turning it into a jackalope.

Seriously? For the Tree?

blown glass decapitated horse head ornament, brown horse
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Here we have a less ethically problematic but no less disturbing animal head. Look, The Godfather is an excellent movie, but please tell me who the person is that was sitting around a table and threw out the idea, “You know what would make an awesome ornament? The decapitated horse head from The Godfather!” That person is weird. But I still want this.

I Have Many Gnomes. None Compare to This One

photo of a garden gnome in a yellow top and blue pants with a brown hat and white beard with his pants pulled down squatting like he is pooping on the lawn
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I need this in my yard ASAP. Yes, it is crass and tacky. So am I. That is all.

I Don’t Even Know

photo of a blown glass ornament of a Unicorn headed body wearing pink leiderhosen and a purple shirt
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I went back and forth on whether or not to put this on the unicorn-themed gift guide or this one. The debate waged in my head and I eventually landed here, because seriously? What the fuck is this? And why have I already ordered it?

Swimsuit Perfection

photo of a thin blond woman wearing a bathing suit with a black and white photo of Mogwai the gremlin on it
image from

Black Milk Clothing has some weird shit, but this swimsuit struck me as one of the most random articles on their site. Again, what kind of meetings go on at their headquarters? If these are what make it to production, what type of things don’t? What is it that can make them say “No, that is too weird”?

What is the weirdest gift you have ever received or given? I was once gifted a used pair of socks. Seriously. Obviously worn, washed (thank goodness?) and then wrapped and given. From someone with a whole lot of money, so it wasn’t out of necessity. I know it is the thought that counts, but in that situation, that was honestly the problem. What was the thought behind that? Share yours in the comments!

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