There is a lot of joy in writing a sex and love column. For the most part, you as the “advice-giver,” which is a questionable title to begin with, are able to muddle through the thick of it with someone else.
Sometimes you can see right through to where someone else seems to see a wall. Sometimes you see the wall together. Either way, it’s always a humbling experience, one that teaches you how to listen, how to not be judgmental, and how at the end of the day, we all seem to be trying to figure it out one way or another.
However, for all our in-depth questions, sometimes in our box of questions and queries (to which you can always deliver your sex and relationships questions), are shorter and easier to answer questions that don’t always make it to the long-article cut. Sometimes these are great questions. Sometimes they are questions where you can literally feel the smug, overzealousness of some dude in his basement thinking he has really made a “gotcha!” moment. Either way proves entertaining, though I can’t always wax poetic about the topic at large for more than a paragraph, which leaves a lot to be desired. Which brings us to micro-side, the continuing short pops of sex advice, a quickie of a reading experience. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this week’s round of micro-questions.
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both virgins and we want to have anal sex. I don’t want to get her pregnant. Does ejaculating inside her have any risk?
A. Please use a condom. I know that it is about 96% likely that you are at least 16 or 17. So I I know the process of purchasing condoms seems weird and terrifying, as if the sex police are going to bust out of the hygiene aisle and arrest you for doing such a thing. But please, I beg of you, use condoms. The risk of getting pregnant from anal sex is low, though the idea that it could be a way to get pregnant gives me an idea of the current state of sex education in this country. But let’s be honest, there is always a risk to everything. Everything? Yes, everything. Assume that, always. Please also assume that pregnancy is just one of the things you need to worry about. I know you are both new to sex, but condoms are still going to protect you from STIs, which more than likely, you do not have, but consider it good practice.
Q. Why are you guys bitch about things all day? Do you have a everyday period cycle if so… Then you really need to get it checked out:) ?
A. I assume that you used Google translate to attempt to ask, “Why do you guys bitch about things all day long? Do you have your period everyday? If so, then you should really see a doctor.” That is actually an excellent question, since if you are showing signs of longer than normal menstruation, it might be a sign of something you need to get checked out. It could be stress, it could be fibroids. Only your gynecologist can let you know for sure. In the future, I suggest using Babel as a translation site, as it is better able to understand reflexive verbs and syntax.
Q. I’m a pretty small, lightweight lady, and my partner is one of those tall fireman types. He can lift me with ease, and I enjoy being at the whim of his strength quite a bit. Now I’ve been thinking about trying a fantasy of mine — standing sex. Is there anything I need to know? Is it one of those positions that are much more myth than practical? If not, can you tell me how to approach it, and any risks to keep in mind?
A. Sweet pea, anything is possible when you put your mind to it. Sex is one of those recreational activities that is best when enjoyed, so my advice is to make sure you are both able to find a position that is comfortable and feels good. If this involves a step-ladder, so be it. This is about what works for y’all.
Q. What happens if you have complications after an abortion?
A. Please go see your doctor. Right now.
Q. How can I fully enjoy and get into anal sex? I’m 47 and have never done this.
A. Give it a few tries. Explore different angles, perhaps different toys. Go slowly. But at the end of the day, if you don’t fully enjoy and can’t get into it, you can let it go. I’m all for trying new things and seeing what it is you like, but I also believe in the power of quitting when you know something might not be for you. However, there is only one way to find out.
Q. How do I tell my partner to change positions or to try to give me oral sex the way I give to him ?
A. “Why don’t we change/try another position?” and, “Hey, you know what would feel really amazing? If you go down on me. Isn’t it great when I go down on you?”
If there is resistance to either one of these questions, than I suggest using a more pro-active statement like, “Okay, we probably shouldn’t be having sex together, since you seem to not understand this is a two-person game.”
Q. What’s the best position in sex?
A. I’m absolutely unqualified to answer that, as it is completely subjective (though to be very honest, I have attempted to answer it before). However, instead of waxing on, this time I just suggest practicing to find out.
Got a question to ask, subject you’d like us to discuss, or myth you’d like us to bust? Keep ’em coming! You can send us an anonymous message via the Ask Us! feature here.