The 2014 State of the Union Drinking Game and Liveblog

I hope you hit the liquor store, ladies; we’re all about to get very drunk. Obama’s State of the Union address will be airing at 9:00 ET, so brush up on the rules below and we can discuss it all as it happens.

Take one sip if:

• “The state of our union is strong.”
• “Hope and change.”
• Obama chastises Congress for not doing anything useful.
• Boehner’s scowl makes him look constipated.
• Biden grins and nods enthusiastically. (Two sips if it doesn’t seem like it’s actually in response to what Obama just said.)
• Reaction shot of Michelle Obama.
• Shout-out to a special guest used to put a human face on a serious issue.
• Break for applause. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not clapping. Chug if it’s John McCain not clapping.)
• Break for laughter. (Two sips if the camera pans to a Republican pointedly not laughing. Chug if it’s John McCain not laughing.)
• Random closeup of an American flag.
• Obama mentions any of the following:
  • The Affordable Healthcare Act. (Two sips if he calls it Obamacare.)
  • Reproductive health. (Two sips if he talks about abortion.)
  • Legalizing marijuana. (Two sips if that gets a giant grin from Biden.)
  • Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, or North Korea. (Two sips he mentions Syria, Egypt, South Sudan, Ukraine, or any other global hot zones that don’t get much coverage here.)
  • Gay marriage. (Two sips if he mentions other discrimination against the LGBTQ community.)
  • The minimum wage, income inequality, student loan debt, taxing the rich, or Wall Street reform.
  • Gun control.
  • Immigration.
  • Infrastructure.
  • Cybersecurity.
  • Climate change. (Two sips for “polar vortex.”)
  • NASA/space exploration. (Chug if he’s planning a colony on Mars or the moon.)
  • Education. (Chug if he talks about teaching creationism in our schools.)
  • Falling behind the rest of the world in STEM.

Finish your drink if:

• Some asshole Congressman or other protesters interrupt him again.

Drink everything in the damn house and have a naked dance party if: