I’ve been writing for P-Mag for a while now, and I’ve noticed a subtle change in the way I think about headlines. I wrote about what I cared about for a long time, and that was my only consideration. That was before I started seeing the weekly readership statistics. P-Mag has run a lot of amazing articles on a range of subjects, but every week, like clockwork, the posts about sex are at the top. It makes me get a little competitive, and maybe a little desperate. Sometimes I am extremely tempted to write articles specifically on topics that will draw a lot of readers. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far. To date, the editors of P-Mag have not been receptive to these, but I expect I’ll wear them down eventually.
Enough with the Blah Blah Blah about this “Jesus” Person
If You Really Were a Feminist, You Wouldn’t Watch Doctor Who
Why Do You Want All the Puppies to Die? The Shameful Truth About “Spay/Neuter”
How to Monetize Your Children While Maintaining Your Self-Righteousness
This White Woman’s Cure for Racism
A Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Spouse Swapping
Catering Your Orgies: Why Finger Food Isn’t Recommended
Pics or it Didn’t Happen: Why We Have a Constitutional Right to Photographic Proof of Celebrities’ Sexual Orientation
Things with Cult Followings:
Santa Claus, the Female Orgasm, and People Who Genuinely Like Nutella: Why None of These Exist
At least one of these should beat a sex post, right?
Next Week’s Article: I Was Stalked by an Angry Neil deGrasse Tyson Nutella Fetishist: My Story and How I Imagined It
[Editors’ note: We still love you, Neil deGrasse Tyson! We’re pretty sure she doesn’t even go to this school.]
16 replies on “I Hate Nutella, Sex, and Neil deGrasse Tyson”
Just think of unicorn-shaped pancakes.
Studies show that 99% of Unicorns are Ayn Rand disciples. Just sayin’.
There is a line and you just crossed it. With lightning speed, screaming and crying.
This made me giggle.
THE OPINIONS IN THIS ARTICLE DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF PERSEPHONE MAGAZINE.
We can totes still be besties, NdGT.
My response to this post was to go toast some banana bread so I would have something to put Nutella on :)
I’m just curious, do articles read through a feed reader count towards statistics?
Nope. Neither do visits with active adblockers/NoScript.
We still love our feed/adblocking friends, but we tell the others where we keep the good wine. ; )
Whaaaaaaaaaaaat if we have adblockers but are willing to bring you Diet Coke? I know Auntie Selena loves her Diet Coke.
We don’t actually run that many ads. Right now, there’s only the Amazon square. Our blogads are always for books, I never mind those. We’re kind of a hard sell to most ad places, what with the swearing and being hard to classify, and I won’t run anything annoying. Consider turning your adblocker off for sites you really like, or those that don’t run obnoxious ads? It helps us keep the content coming. : )
We were contacted this evening by someone at blogads with a new ad thingy for books that actually sounds really cool; they put the entire first chapter in the widget. That’s advertising I can get behind.
I do try to remember to click through to Amazon either from here or from Cannonball Read. To support the cause and whatnot.
That’s why PMag is the only place I view without AdBlock *preens*
Hmmmm…. didn’t know that. I normally click through anyway because Feedly’s formatting isn’t great but it’s good to know! I want the good wine!
We thank you for your support, the invisibility cloak on the wine has been lifted. : )