Sure, there are plenty of hilarious entries to this contest. But nothing really shines until nerdy Simpsons fans get their hands on it.
The Lay’s “Do Us a Flavor” contest has seen many excellent joke entries (I totally saved the “bag of dicks” one for use in Internet arguments), and plenty that may or may not be jokes because they’re real food ingredients but sound too impossibly disgusting that I can’t believe someone was serious (Bubblegum? Oysters? Fish sticks)? But then I noticed some people posting funny ones in a Simpsons Facebook group I belong to, and after some playing around, I found enough to make a list.
Episode: “Treehouse of Horror V“
Lunch Lady Doris: OK, I got your German grub right here.
[serves Bart, who eats, and walks away]
Lisa: Bart, does it strike you as odd that Uter disappeared and suddenly they’re serving us this mysterious food called “Uterbraten”?
Skinner: [walking up in leiderhosen] Oh, relax, kids, I’ve got a gut feeling Uter is around here somewhere. [chuckles] After all, isn’t there a little Uter in all of us? [chuckles] In fact, you might even say we just ate Uter and he’s in our stomachs right now! [laughs] Wait…scratch that one.
Hurricane Chow and Wadded Beef
Episode: “Hurricane Neddy“
These are visual gags from when the people of Springfield raid the Kwik-E-Mart for hurricane supplies:
Insanity Pepper and Or-e-gano?
Episode: “El Viaje Misterioso del Nuestro Jomer“
The family goes to a chili cook-off, where Homer eats an “insanity pepper” that sends him on a hallucinatory spiritual journey to find his true soulmate (trivia: led by a coyote voiced by Johnny Cash), and Marge thinks oregano is an exotic spice.
Million Dollar Birthday Fries
Episode: “Bart Sells His Soul“
Ned: Rod, you order anything you want for your big ten-oh.
Rod: Million dollar birthday fries!
Waiter: [gleeful] Uh oh!
[a flashing light and siren go off]
Maude: [reading] “Moe gets so excited when you order his million dollar birthday fries, he just has to celebrate.”
[Moe jumps out with sparklers and fries on his head in a basket]
Moe: Here you go! Here I am!
Uncle Moe — thank you, ma’am!
This’ll be a treat:
Uncle Moe! Here I am, while you eat!
[leans down; Rod tries a couple of fries]
Moe: Please take the fries off my head, kid. The basket is extremely hot.
$20? But I wanted potato chips!
Episode: “Boy Scoutz ‘N the Hood“
[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]
Homer: Hmm…ow, pointy! Eww, slimy. Oh, moving! Ah-ha! [looks, then says remorsefully] Oh, twenty dollars…I wanted a peanut!
Homer’s brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer’s brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.
Nachos, Flanders Style
Episode: “Home Sweet Home-Diddily-Dum-Doodily“
Bart: [shudders] I hate this place.
Lisa: Yeah. It seems like our house, but everything’s got a creepy Pat Boone-ish quality to it.
Ned: Hey, kids! Nachos, Flanders style — that’s cucumbers with cottage cheese.
[Rod and Todd gleefully take some]
[Lisa takes one and sniffs it suspiciously]
[Bart eats one, then spits it out]
Oh, Bart, I know you’re still getting adjusted here. Tell you what: we’ll do whatever you want to do.
Bart: Watch “Itchy and Scratchy”!
Ned: Well, I guess a little television won’t hurt. [whispers] I used to let the boys watch “My Three Sons” but it got them all worked up before bedtime.
Guts and Black Stuff
Episode: “Lisa’s Date With Density“
Lisa: Isn’t it nice up here? What are you thinking, Nelson?
Nelson: Am I thinking about what?
Lisa: About anything.
Lisa: [growls] How do you feel? What’s inside you right now?
Nelson: Guts…and black stuff…and about fifty Slim Jims.
Episode: “E-I-E-I-[Annoyed Grunt]“
Lisa: Tomacco? That’s pretty clever, Dad. I mean, for a product that’s evil and deadly.
Homer: Aw, thanks honey.
Marge: Well, I’m not crazy about the plutonium or nicotine, but it is very nice to see Bart eating his vegetables.
[cut to a shot of Bart eating a bushel basket of tomacco]
[Chief Wiggum drives up and gets out of the car with Ralph]
Wiggum: Excuse me? Mr. Farmer Man? I promised my son he could tip over his first cow, and I — [notices sign] tomacco?
Homer: Yes, it’s the latest craze. Try some, won’t you? [offers a free sample]
Wiggum: Go ahead, Ralphie. The stranger is offering you a treat.
Ralph: [takes a bite of a tomacco, but spits it out] Oh, Daddy, this tastes like grandma.
Wiggum: [takes a bite, and likewise spits] Holy Moses, it *does* taste like grandma!
Ralph: I want more.
Wiggum: Yeah, me too. We’ll take a bushel or a pack or just — just give it to me. [takes a bushel basket of tomacco from Homer, and gives him a wad of cash]
Homer: [giggles evilly]
Marge: Can I interest you in a mincemeat pie? They’re very —
Wiggum: Does it have tomacco in it?
Marge: No. But I use only the —
Wiggum: Thanks. [walks off]
Episode: “The PTA Disbands“
This gag is part dialog, part visual.
Lisa: I’ve never seen them fight like that, Bart. I’m worried that all this posturing and saber-rattling could lead to a teachers’ strike.
Bart: [scheming] Strike, eh? [cracks his knuckles; they snap painfully] Ouch! My bones are so brittle. But I always drink plenty of…[picks up milk carton, reads it] “Malk”?
Nuts and Gum
Episode: “Lisa Vs. Malibu Stacy“
This is another gag that’s part visual, and actually a pretty biting piece of social commentary.
Lisa: It’s awful being a kid. No one listens to you.
Abe: It’s rotten being old. No one listens to you.
Homer: I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me — no matter how dumb my suggestions are.
[pulls out a “nuts and gum” mixture, starts chomping]
Here are my three favorite non-Simpsons pop culture references.