New Show Recap: Scandal, 3×15, “Mama Said Knock You Out”

It’s an exciting week for Scandal watchers, who get to meet the oldest Grant children, something we’ve all been waiting for since the series began. Oh, wait — you WEREN’T waiting to meet them? What’s that, you say? That you wish they could send the baby off to boarding school, too? I’m with you, but we’re stuck with them for at least this episode.

Meet the Press AND the Children

It’s crunch time Chez Grant, AKA the White House. The Grant children, Jerry and Karen, are home from school so they can participate in a family interview. Like the audience, Mellie and Fitz are a little taken aback by these two new additions to the scene: Mellie asks cautiously at dinner if Karen is still a vegan (they serve an enormous roast, so she’s out of luck if she is), while Fitz carefully praises his son for his sports performance.

Liv preps each of the Grants for the interview. Said prep in Fitz’s case seems to consist of tonsil hockey. She talks to the sullen Grant children during the prep and senses that they could be liabilities. A little background research shows she is right: Jerry is actively backing Reston, and has a Twitter account where he tweets Photoshopped pictures of Fitz with a Hitler mustache and calls his father a war criminal and a Fascist. You know, subtle stuff. Meanwhile, Karen hates her father with a passion for his betrayal of her mother.

Speaking of betrayal, Mellie and Blandrew have lost their everloving minds. He feels her up in the White House (AGAIN IN FRONT OF A WINDOW because the Grant Administration is all about transparency, I guess), they make out, and otherwise canoodle. Liv has an eye for spotting these things and tells Andrew to stay away, and he’s all, “Glass houses, babe.” It’s inevitable that Meldrew/Mandrew/Andie will be caught, and caught they are by an outraged Karen. In a “thanks for sharing the details” moment, Karen tells Mellie (and us) that she caught Mellie on her knees in front of “Uncle Andrew.”

Mellie tells Liv to cancel the motherflippin’ interview. Liv says she can’t do it. Mellie says if Liv can’t, then what are they paying her for? She barks at Liv to cancel the interview. Liv is shocked that Mellie has taken that tone. (That’s what she’s shocked about?) Fitz then commands his children to participate in the interview, if not out of respect for him, out of respect for their mother. Karen angrily tells him about mom and New Daddy.

Fitz charges out and decks Andrew. Then he accuses Mellie of ruining their marriage because after the birth of her son, she turned him away sexually for ten years. If you only knew, Mellie insinuates. (Boy, I can’t wait until Fitz finds out so he can make Mellie’s situation all about him and his manpain.) Liv interrupts their fighting to point out that the clock is ticking. Fitz yells at her, “I’m talking to my WIFE.” (As in, “Leave, peon!”) Liv is shocked. Perhaps Maya is right after all — Mommy Pope just that very day told Liv that Liv is merely the help, cleaning up after the Grants.

Liv strides out in a huff, but Cyrus stops her at the gate. Yes, they are the help, he admits, but what they do is important. He needs her to go back in there and get things done. He can’t right now, because he’s still in a fog after James’ death. Instead he goes home to play with his adorable daughter and watch the interview with her.

Liv returns and is all business. Fitz tries to apologize, but she tells Fitz to focus on his family and fix it, because it’s not her place to do it. And he better not flub this interview, because if he does, Liv will lose her career, and that’s all she has left. The Grant family pulls it together under Fitz’s leadership and prepares for the scrutiny of the spotlight.

B613 is Going DOWN! (Maybe)

Elsewhere Liv and team begin to dig into B613, especially its finances. Huck says it’s suicide, but Liv doesn’t think so. Even Rowan calls her to warn her against it. She points out that he just told her that she was supposed to bring things into the light — I guess he wasn’t including B613. Later, though, he reconsiders and tells Liv to follow the money to find out who is funding B613. It’s pretty weak advice, really, but thanks for trying, Poppa Pope!

Torn Between Two Lovers

Charlie and Quinn talk about Huck’s visit. Charlie senses that Quinn is hiding something (specifically, the kiss she and Huck exchanged), but he can’t worm it out of her.

Later, at the behest of Jake, Quinn meets with Huck, who has been trying to meet with Jake. Huck tells Quinn that he wants to free Quinn from B613. Quinn doesn’t understand what has changed — when Huck licks her face, it’s preamble to torture, but when he puts his tongue in her mouth, all is forgiven? She tongues his face with all the subtlety of a sodium-deprived sheep attacking a salt lick. They make out again, and if I hadn’t already died inside after last week’s episode, I would be dead now.

Quinn returns home and guess who’s living with her? Charlie! He’s moved in. Quinn is taken aback, but plays along. Oh Charlie, we had such high hopes for you, but like Fitz, Jake, Rowan, and Huck, you have boundaries problems.

Probably Important for Later

Harrison asks for Liv help with Adnan Salif. Liv clearly doesn’t have time or patience for this, and Adnan isn’t saying anything without immunity. She asks Abby to ask David for help with that. Later Maya Pope contacts Liv and asks for Adnan back. Liv refuses, which is when Mama Pope calls Liv the help. (Maya is queen of stiletto-sharp barbs.) No matter who she is working with, Adnan is bad news for Harrison. She knocks him out in the OPA offices and steals Fitz’s itinerary and other security details from their safe. She gives them to some mysterious bad guys. I could give you more detail here, but it’s really not important yet.

Jake has gone mad with power in less than a month. He visits Fitz’s office and tells Fitz, “You’re not the boss of me.” Fitz is livid, and he’s not alone. In a nice move, Mr Coronary 2013, Cyrus Beene, sees Jake in the Oval Office and lunges at him in front of Fitz. Jake subdues Cyrus, then apologizes. Fitz, jerk of the world, does nothing. And where are the Secret Service agents? After Jake leaves, Cyrus admits he knows that Jake was just doing his job, serving at the pleasure of the President, just like the President. (Huh? He says this oddly. Did he mean that he thinks Fitz ordered this?)

The Inventory Results are In

Remember how I said I needed to do a searching personal inventory after watching last week’s Huck/Quinn spittle-enhanced makeout session? Well, I have, and to no one’s surprise, I’ve decided that after this season, I’m done with Scandal. I just can’t watch a show where they use redemptive rape and romantic torture as plot devices.