Feeling confused, lost, or in need of guidance? Look not to the stars in the sky, my friends, but to those on your TV and movie screens, and see which of the women in the world of late ’80s four-woman ensemble TV should be your inspiration this week.
Taurus (April 20 to May 20)
Taurus, this week, be unapologetically you, even if it makes some people uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind and call bullshit on what society thinks about and expects of you. Like Blanche here, you know what you want, how you want it, and you’re not afraid to go after it and then discuss it in great detail afterwards. Life is fun, Taurus. Make sure you’re taking full advantage of that.
Gemini (May 21 to June 20)
Gemini, your sharp with might want to hide under a somewhat abrasive exterior this week. Just make sure that whoever you’re directing your insults to knows that you mean it with the greatest affection. You and Sophia both use your sharp, sometimes biting sense of humor as a defense mechanism, but it’s OK to let people in to see your squishy, affectionate interior.
Cancer (June 21 to July 22)
Cancer, people mistake your good nature and occasional naïveté for a lack of intelligence, and they will soon learn what a mistake that is. You may come across or even play up your innocent, “Who me?” routine, but underneath that, you’re a smart and tough cookie, and those who underestimate you may not realize until it’s too late. More shame on them, as you and Rose will show.
Leo (July 23 to August 22)
Leo, you are all set with the bullshit this week. Take a page from Dorothy’s book here and don’t be afraid to call it like you see it. You may seem tough as nails, but your friends and family know that your loyalty and devotion keep you going. Sarcasm is a weapon you wield skillfully, but just take care that the double-edged sword doesn’t end up making cuts that can’t be undone.
Virgo (August 23 to September 22)
People think they have you all figured out, Virgo. They see what you’ve carefully cultivated on the outside, and often never bother to see what’s underneath. Don’t worry too much about those who would take advantage of you, because, like Suzanne, there are more than a few thorns on that beautiful rose, and anyone who makes a grab without thinking is going to find themselves bleeding before they knew what got them.
Libra (September 23 to October 22)
Libra, you sure have a lot of opinions, and you really like to make them known. Just keep in mind that although Julia makes it look easy, eviscerating your enemies is an art form, and what you say, once said, can’t be taken back. Use your soapbox to defend the things that really matter, but keep in mind that you’re more than legendary speeches and cutting insults.
Scorpio (October 23 to November 21)
Scorpio, take your cues from Mary Jo here. You’re really coming out of your shell this week. Whatever you’ve been through has changed you, but take this time to see who the new you really is, and nurture her and let her lead you on a path you might not be expecting. Those who know you as meek and shy are in for a big surprise, since you’re coming into your own, and what you start doing and saying might shock those who haven’t met the new you yet. Don’t fear, those who love you are behind you 100%.
Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21)
You want to see the best in everyone, Sagittarius. You’re a trusting soul, but like Charlene, you often find out too late that not everyone is worthy of your trust. Don’t let that get you down, though, and don’t go changing yourself so that you no longer want to try to see the best in everyone. Just take each lesson as it’s learned, and don’t let anything chip away at your optimism.
Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)
Capricorn, we all like a little gossip every now and then — it keeps us going. Just be careful that, like Tootie, your love for being in everyone’s business doesn’t land you and those around you in trouble. Accept that some secrets are secret for a reason, and that broadcasting them to everyone within earshot can have consequences for everyone involved. Just rollerskate on by the really juicy stuff.
Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)
Aquarius, you may find it hard to move past the lessons taught to you growing up, but there’s a time that needs to happen, and that time is now. It may be hard to put yourself in other people’s shoes, even for a little while, but empathy and compassion will get you much further in life than money and connections. Try to understand that everyone around you is coming from a different place, and figure out how you can relate to them.
Pisces (February 19 to March 20)
Feeling like you have something to prove this week, Pisces? Your instinct may be telling you to get your inner Jo on and show everyone what you think of their expectations. Just make sure to remember that you’re more than a tough gal with her walls up, keeping everyone else out. Let people in through the cracks and show both them and you that you’re more than a defensive attitude and that there’s a part of you that’s not spoiling for a fight.
Aries (March 21 to April 19)
Your laid-back, easygoing demeanor and upbeat confidence make it really hard not to like you, Aries. Be careful this week that “laid-back” doesn’t translate into “pushover,” or you could find yourself facing consequences for going along with someone else’s terrible plans. “Cheerful” doesn’t mean “chump,” so don’t be afraid to assert yourself like Natalie does, and do it often. Do it with a smile, and everyone will come out on the other side still thinking you’re pretty great.
3 replies on “Pop Culture Horoscope: Four-Woman Ensemble TV Edition”
I feel bad for scoffing at poor Charlene, but of all the Designing Women, she ranks below Miss Bernice and only slightly higher than Julia Duffy.
Random knowledge about things like 30 year old television shows is why I can never find my keys.
Aww, Charlene is totally underrated. But I can see how you might not identify with the unflinching optimism. :D
These were exactly the horoscopes I needed this week! Awesome and hilarious!