How to Know You’re Dating a Woman and Not a Girl

In response to a rather despicable article which gives 10 very sexist “signs” that you are dating a woman (and not a girl), this is my response. (The link in question, sponsored by Do Not Link)

The following are not good ways of determining if someone is a girl or a woman:

1. What she is wearing: Both girls and women tend to wear what they like. They might like sweatshirts and yoga pants, business wear, or mini dresses. Age doesn’t generally determine what she might wear, until she is very old and needs orthopedic shoes.

2. How she communicates: Surprisingly, *cough* girls AND women use words to communicate. All the time! They talk to people all day. Some like to talk more than others. Girls and women can be shockingly quite different from one another and can have different personalities that may affect how they socialize.

3. Whether or not she picks up the tab: Some people appreciate a nice gesture like offering to pay for their meal and will happily accept. Others are happy to offer to pay their own way or even for their date as well! Some women and girls may be having financial difficulties, and their date might offer to pay to, you know, be a nice person.

4. How much liquor she has: Today in news at 11, not everyone likes to drink. Some people like to drink a lot! Sometimes, people like to drink with their friends and have a good time. Other people don’t like how alcohol tastes, or might have dietary or medicinal restrictions on drinking. Some women of retirement age drink until they are very drunk. Some girls don’t drink at all. It’s almost like we are all different people, or something.

5. Seeing how quickly she changes her Facebook relationship status: For some women, sharing news of a happy relationship is important! She might want to share the news with her friends and family, many of whom might live far away. And some girls are private and don’t like to publicize their relationships. Some people don’t even have Facebook at all!

6. Checking on their media consumption: Many women and girls have enough time and brain cells to read AND watch “junk TV.” I suppose this broseph only ever reads Dostoyevsky and Dickens, and never watches anything on television except Nova and PBS.

7. What they talk about: Stimulating conversation probably depends on those involved. I might think that spending an hour talking about Game of Thrones fan theories is a stimulating discussion and that certain international sporting events are trivial matters. Other women and girls might feel differently. How odd that we aren’t all a big, gelatinous hive mind who all think and do the exact same things.

8. What they eat: Some people like salads. I like salad, and I’m a woman. My wife, also a women, shockingly enjoys vegetables. Furthermore, it’s not like women are pressured my an over-zealous, capitalist beauty industry who prey on our insecurities or anything…oh, wait. Maybe women and girls, taught from an early age that fat=ugly and not to eat too much in front of a date, actually try to avoid comments like “Whoa, you eat more than me!” and “Oh, a steak, huh? You look more like a salad-girl to me.”

9. What they do: Having worked for a girl’s empowerment organization, I haven’t met many girls who “need a man to show them the way.” When given a choice, most girls and women do what they want, when they want, and how they want. Some women and girls are very adventurous! Some are not, and feel more comfortable sticking close to home — and that’s okay.

10. If they “need a guardian”: If they need a guardian, my guess is that you’re signing a school permission slip for said girl, and you shouldn’t be thinking about dating her, because that is creepy, immoral, disgusting, and illegal. Don’t date people who need school permission slips signed.

The following is how to tell if you are dating a girl or a woman:

1. Is she a legal adult?

Congratulations. You are dating a woman.