News in Europe

News in Europe: This is a gorilla escape drill! Do not panic!

Greeting, unicorns near and far! Here’s your news from the old world.

The big event this week was the 70th anniversary of the D-Day landings. The heads of state from the US, France, and Britain gathered at a ceremony in Normandy last Friday. The biggest story, however, came from a British veteran who escaped his care home in order to sail to France.

The big story from the EU is a recent wave of refugees and its inability to control or handle the situation. “Boat season” this year brings an unprecedented number of migrants, too many of whom die attempting the dangerous crossing.

In Kosovo, national elections went ahead without a repetition of the violence that accompanied the polls in recent years.

There has been unrest in Abkhazia, a Georgian breakaway republic. Experts are now worried that Russia might make a move to annex the unstable area. The whole “New East” series in The Guardian is great if you want to learn about places you’ve until now never really thought about.

In Germany, a cave researcher was injured in the country’s deepest cave, prompting a difficult rescue mission. The name of the cave system literally means “massive thing,” which makes this funnier than it should be.

You go, Mr. President! Germany’s Federal Constitutional Court has ruled that the country’s president is allowed to call right-wing extremists “lunatics.” Openly, in public, and however many times he feels it’s necessary to do so. I love Germany.

In the UK, discussions about schools supposedly being infiltrated by Muslim extremists have made waves in the higher ranks of government. The Education Secretary and the Home Secretary, both vying for a promotion, have angered the Prime Minister by making their feud public. Both their posts, as well as the school inspection system, are being questioned by media and politicians alike.

In Russia, the killers of journalist Anna Politkovskaya have received life sentences. It is still unknown who hired them.

In slightly more bizarre news, a gorilla escape drill at a zoo in Tenerife went all kinds of wrong. I for one am bitterly disappointed about the lack of a gorilla costume. How is this a proper gorilla escape drill?

In Bavaria, some hooded guys with a funny name are taking their demands for independence to the European Parliament. The consensus in the rest of Germany is one of not minding Bavarian independence too much, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge. Maybe Russia wants them.

“Gehobt eich wohl!”citizens. Until next week!

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