“You young kids, you can’t wait for a new season. You have to watch every episode at once. You have no patience!” This was my mother, scolding me for watching the entire first season of Orange is the New Black in under a week. When I pointed out that if streaming services had been around when she was almost-30, she would have done the exact same thing, her response was, “Are you kidding me? Of course I would!”
I think the “binge watch” is a hallmark of Millenial entertainment consumption. It’s how I started many of my favorite television obsessions: Doctor Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Orphan Black, The Newsroom, Game of Thrones, Orange is the New Black, and my current obsession, Weeds. [Side Note: I just found out that Jenji Kohan is a woman. When I announced that proudly to my boyfriend, he gave me the “Are you new?” look.] I hear about something new and I watch the pilot. Then maybe one more episode. And then before I know it, I’m at the second season finale and can’t figure out where the time has gone, but I love Suzanne and every time someone takes advantage of her, I honest-to-God cry a little bit. And when I get to the end of the show, I feel bereft. Any new show will never match up to the end of Buffy. I would love to say what it is, but I won’t SPOIL it for you, suffice to say, Spike lived up to all my love for him. And if I’ve caught up to a current show, I’m just depressed. Who can watch tv one week at a time? WHO CAN DO THAT???
What this is really all getting to, of course, is something I wrote for fun in my spare time, when a friend asked what the words of House Millenial would be and we couldn’t come up with anything good enough. And because I can’t get there with an introduction, though God knows I tried, I give you the Binge Watch Oath:
Seasons gather, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until I have watched every episode. I shall take no breaks, change no channels, hold no remotes. I shall wear no pants and win all the glory. I shall live and breathe at my screen. I am the eyes in the darkness. I am the watcher on the couch. I watch the pilot until the finale, the season that jumps the shark, the musical episode that makes no sense and the love triangle that we could all do without. I pledge my life and honor to the Binge Watch, for this show and all the shows to come.
I expect you all to go to your own heart tree or family sept and take your oaths immediately, by the old gods and the new.