Sex on the Micro-Side: Your Questions, Redux

It’s summer, sweet peas, and I’d rather be on a beach sippin’ Mai-Tai’s than talkin’ your ears off about lube and butt plugs. 

Which is why it’s micro-side time: all your sex bits, wrapped into a nice little bun. Plus, Mai-Tais. Your welcome.

Q. My boyfriend and I are having issues with sex. As in, he wants it and I don’t like sex. We have sex every now and then and I would like to enjoy it but I don’t and I never have. I also don’t like to give head, any suggestions to help me? I really want to enjoy sex with my boyfriend, I just don’t know how?

A. Maybe you shouldn’t have to have sex. Maybe you don’t want to have sex. With him or in general, sweet pea, I’m not sure. That’s a question I can’t answer. But maybe just don’t have sex — and let me add this: If you maybe don’t have sex, then you maybe have to let your boyfriend have sex with someone who wants to have sex. We all have needs and wants, haves and have-nots. It’s up to you to decide if you would rather stay on the path of have-not, or go towards a path of haves. I’d suggest the latter.

Q. I would like to share an article with my husband via private email and I don’t see any way to share it without posting it to Facebook or Twitter. The article is titled “Fat Sex, What everyone wants to know but is afraid to ask.” It really hit home with me and I think it would help him understand how I view myself when we are having sex. 

A. My love, as sympathetic as I am to your reasoning, considering body-image is something every woman seems to inherently struggle with, I cannot explain how the internet works to you. I am just a retired half-naked lady on the internet, dispensing ill-advised sex advice. May I recommend this as a place to start?

Q. Can you use a cock ring with heart trouble?

A. There is a little diddly about that my love: “If you your heart isn’t great, ring on cock is your mate! Nerve disorder or blood clotting, ring on your weenie should be a stoppin’.”

Seriously, if you have heart troubles, a cock ring is safe to use, though many doctors, including the good folks at Health24 Sexology recommend that you should not use a cock ring if “you bleed easily or have a blood clotting disorder, if you are diabetic, or if you suffer from any peripheral vascular or nerve disease. Do not use these toys if you are taking anti-coagualants, aspirin, or any other blood-thinning medication.” Just remember to use common sense, my love.

Q. My wife and I are wanting to do some anal play. I have heard that it can be quite pleasurable for a woman to wear a plug while, say, grocery shopping. Is this true and for all or most women?

A. My love, I once heard that all or most men liked wearing butt plugs at the supermarket. I heard it was because it was quite pleasurable. Have you stopped in your tracks yet? Certainly the answer could be yes, but you are painting with an awful big brush there and I figured it was best to let you get a little taste of your own. I can’t speak for all or most women. We aren’t a monolith. What may be one woman’s wet dream of wearing a butt plug at the grocery store may be another’s worst nightmare. The only way you can find out for certain is to ask your wife, so you can receive her fully individual opinion on the matter. In the end, she is the only one who matters anyway, right?

Q. I’m a straight woman in a (very happy) monogamous marriage. My sex drive has always been a little on the low side, due to some medications I’m taking and a variety of other things, but it’s never been a problem. My husband and I find a way to balance our sex drives and things have been great, and when they haven’t, we’ve talked it out. Lately, I’ve found myself masturbating a lot more than I normally do, and I’ve been getting off almost exclusively to (male) gay porn. And I haven’t told my husband. Gay porn’s not his thing, but I don’t think he’d judge me or be mad or anything like that. We’ve watched porn (of all kinds) together in the past. So I’m wondering: why this particular thing all of a sudden, and why am I feeling the need to hide it? 

A. Because shame and feeling judged are a hell of a drug, even though you have convinced yourself otherwise.


Got a ques­tion to ask, sub­ject you’d like us to dis­cuss, or myth you’d like us to bust? Keep ‘em com­ing! You can send us an anony­mous mes­sage via the Ask Us! fea­ture here.

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