Open Thread

This Weekend Open Thread is All About that Bass

I shit you not, this song has been in my head since last weekend.

I cannot with Meghan Trainor’s “All About that Bass.” It’s got a generally body-positive message, a fun pastel video, and a beat that is catchy as all hell. If you haven’t had the pleasure, drop what you’re doing and watch it.

And now you will have it in your head, too. Mwahahahaha.

By [E] Liza

PhD student. Knitter. Brooklynite. Long-distance dog mom. Reluctant cat lady. Majestic unicorn whose hair changes color with the wind.

21 replies on “This Weekend Open Thread is All About that Bass”

But it still smacks of throwing other women under the bus in the name of “body positivity.” Also I hate that it seems to be about what boys like. Who cares what boys like? Boys are dumb and don’t know what they want. Our confidence shouldn’t hinge on ‘yeah but boys like us better.’ Why can’t we have body confidence outside of the male gaze? I don’t know, this song just really rubs me the wrong way. It’s progress in a wrong direction, in my opinion.

Of course it’s not the same – but I still think throwing other women under the bus isn’t the way forward. Plus my point stands about the boys liking it thing – that really rubs me the wrong way.

I’m sorry if I implied that it’s the same – it’s not, ever. I just wish we’d focus on the patriarchal beauty standards and smash that instead of each other.

I’ve been waiting for the open thread today, because I’ve been wanting feedback on this problem I have. Here’s my dilemma laid out in full:

-I have been thinking about getting a second cat for a while, but not sure how my cat would adjust.

-I fostered a kitten from the shelter who is 8 weeks old. Fostering is supposed to be a temporary arrangement, so I thought it would be perfect for a trial run. She is due next week to be spayed and receive booster shots.

-My cat is about six years old and pretty big, but he was declawed by his previous owner. The kitten will not be declawed if she stays here. I am hoping the size difference will keep her from trying to attack him in earnest. She does try to engage him in play fighting, though.

-The apartment where I currently stay is very small. The amount of tiled space is even smaller, so there’s room for two litterboxes, but barely. Also they both favor the same litterbox, so that’s gotten kind of gross.

-The cat isn’t amused with the kitten’s antics, and has taken to spending most of his time in hiding. They were introduced kind of suddenly since this is such a small space. There aren’t any good ways to keep them separated with a door, so I have been putting out empty cardboard boxes to give them places to sit and look out. So far there haven’t been any showdown confrontations, yowling, or marking (thank God).

-I think the adult cat will adjust over time.

-The new cat is very endearing. I am sure she will make a great housepet. I woke up this morning to find her sleeping on my stomach. She’s sitting in my lap right now, purring.

-Ideally I would let the shelter try to place her and contact me if she doesn’t find a placement.

-I don’t know if this shelter will follow through with it if I proposed an arrangement like that. I have relatives and friends who have volunteered there and they put down animals with little medical reason, without notifying the foster home. This just happened last week with a kitten who had a respiratory infection, and the shelter vet was surprised he was put down when he had a willing foster home and only needed antibiotics.

-I’m sure I’m not the only willing home for a high energy kitten who is also adorable. I’ve gotten attached to her but I think my existing cat would do better if he were the only cat. Between my living arrangements and the very real possibility I will move cities in a few months, I don’t think I’m the best home for this kitten.

-She is, to reiterate, a great cat. I think that should count double.

So. Advice please?

Hmm, that’s tough. What gives me pause (paws?) is the mention that the shelter euthanizes without notification. Even for a highly adoptable animal, I don’t know that I could easily let them go back into that situation.

What is your gut instinct telling you?

It sounds like your adult cat might just need a bit more time to make up his mind. Is there any way you could continue your fostering for a few more weeks? She sounds like an adorable kitten, and the shelter sounds a little sketch. I can understand being loath to send her back to a place with a quick trigger finger.

Jackson Galaxy would suggest adding opportunities for the cat to get high up…shelves, trees, etc., and to make sure the adult cat doesn’t get isolated or exiled to one small part of the apartment.

My 2 cents: if cats are any thing like dogs in this manner, adult cat will be happier once kitten matures a little bit and stops being a pain in the a**.

“adult cat will be happier once kitten matures a little bit and stops being a pain in the a**.”

This was my immediate thought. If the kitten is displaying appropriate play behavior and the adult cat is just avoiding it and ignoring it, trying to change the living space a little bit so that they can learn to coexist might do the trick. At the very least, it would give you some time to find an adopter so that you don’t have to send her back to the shelter. It shouldn’t be too hard to find a good home for a well-adjusted, high energy kitten.

Find the kitten a really good home yourself. It sounds like you can’t send her back to the shelter in good conscience, but it’s easy (relatively) to find an adorable, snuggly little ball of fur a home.

It can take cats a very long time to coexist peacefully together. The age difference may help, it may not. We adopted a second cat to keep my older, pining cat company, and it has taken them two years to get to the point where they tolerate each other and sometimes play a bit. We only stuck it out because the existing cat was lonely and acting out, and because for the initial ten months or so that it took for them to stop trying to eat each other’s faces, we had plenty of space to keep them separated but make sure each had time to roam the whole house. It sounds like your cats are on better footing, but it’s tough on them and on you, to be stressed out constantly.

Anyway, if you do decide to keep the kitten (and who doesn’t yearn for a kitten? they’re such joyful little critters) make sure that your pre-existing cat still gets snuggles and reassurances that he is still important.

I would not in good conscience be able to send the kitten back to a place where she could be put down, so I’m going to say don’t do that. My recommendation is to hang on to her for awhile and see if the older cat adjusts (the suggestions to give him more places to climb and extra cuddles are good ones). If it doesn’t work out, then I’d say to rehome the kitten yourself, either with people you already know and trust or someone you can vet thoroughly.

Thanks so much for the feedback, everyone. I’m so happy to have some people I can even ask about this! It’s been a crazy weekend (btw, Eid Mubarak) but I have been giving this a lot of thought over the weekend.

My gut instinct is telling me that this isn’t the best home for the kitten, but I think the adult cat and I can make do. It would be really great if the shelter was more reliable, but since they’re not I think I will have to keep her. She’s already inhibiting her claws when she swipes at me, but she’s still batting her paws at other people so it’s an uphill thing.

She’s due to be spayed on Tuesday, and I think after that I will keep her. I am thinking one of those cat trees will help a lot. Right now the cats are walking on top of the bookshelf, so I might get a sturdier bookshelf. At the very least I could find some lumber and cinder blocks that won’t wobble when the cats jump on them.

The shelter has an explicit rule against rehoming pets after adoption. I suspect they have it happen a lot, but I couldn’t stand myself if I trusted the kitten to them and they put her down. I’m not sure how big that risk is since she’s healthy and happy, but I’m thinking it’s not worth finding out.

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