If you walk into any retail establishment between late August and October 31st, you’re sure to see tell-tale signs of Halloween. As I shelved shippers of candy at my muggle job yesterday, I began to rank my favorite Halloween candy.
While my palate has changed since childhood, I still have fond memories of which houses gave out the best candy. Not coincidentally, most of these houses were owned by rich white people who loved children at least a little bit. These kind folks tended to give out full bars of chocolate!
- Butterfinger. The best chocolate bar. There is something so delectable about the crunch that comes with a Butterfinger. I may also like this candy because it has the word butt in it (BUTTerfinger). Hey, I will admit I go to the basest place possible sometimes. Just last week, I was having some hormonal issues and I smashed almost a full bag of fun-sized Butterfingers.
- Twix. A close second, this caramel cookie covered in chocolate is heaven on a stick. As a child, they made different versions of Twix and I still miss the cookies and cream one they released in 1990. The early 1990s were a great time to be a weird eater. Remember Crystal Pepsi? I totally wish that shit still existed.
- Milky Way. I have really started to love the dark chocolate version of these lately. Malt nougat plus chocolate has always been a winning combination for me. And caramel. Please, let’s add caramel to everything. In the UK, the Milky Way lacks caramel, which makes it a 3 Musketeers. In the UK, the Mars Bar is the equivalent to the American Milky Way.
- Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Anything with peanut butter and chocolate is the best. Peanut Butter cups are the best of all the Reese’s products. They are a classic and go great with milk. Although I love the Peanut Butter Cups, I’m not a fan of Reese’s Pieces. In the category of small peanut butter candies, I prefer peanut butter M&M’s because they give me more chocolate and peanut butter.
- Baby Ruth. Two pop culture moments are directly related to Baby Ruth bars. One may give you warm fuzzies while the other might make you never want to enter a public pool again. I actually have grown to love the taste of the bar as an adult. The peanuts have grown on me over the years. Of course, it also has caramel.
Honorable Mentions: Snickers, Peanut Butter M&M’s, and Mr. Goodbar (because I am an old person).
The absolute worst Halloween candy, if you can even call it candy, is candy corn. I know lots of people rag on it, it’s well deserved. Every time it shows up at a party or people give it to me, I am so disappointed and disgusted. It tastes like sugar with a hint of food dye. There is nothing yummy or chocolatey or caramely about sugar and food dye.
Argue with me if you must — I consider it a challenge to find out why people actually like candy corn.