The Persephone Magazine Halloween Candy Ranking

If you walk into any retail establishment between late August and October 31st, you’re sure to see tell-tale signs of Halloween. As I shelved shippers of candy at my muggle job yesterday, I began to rank my favorite Halloween candy. 

While my palate has changed since childhood, I still have fond memories of which houses gave out the best candy. Not coincidentally, most of these houses were owned by rich white people who  loved children at least a little bit. These kind folks tended to give out full bars of chocolate!

  1. Butterfinger. The best chocolate bar. There is something so delectable about the crunch that comes with a Butterfinger. I may also like this candy because it has the word butt in it (BUTTerfinger). Hey, I will admit I go to the basest place possible sometimes. Just last week, I was having some hormonal issues and I smashed almost a full bag of fun-sized Butterfingers.
  2. Twix. A close second, this caramel cookie covered in chocolate is heaven on a stick. As a child, they made different versions of Twix and I still miss the cookies and cream one they released in 1990. The early 1990s were a great time to be a weird eater. Remember Crystal Pepsi? I totally wish that shit still existed.
  3. Milky Way. I have really started to love the dark chocolate version of these lately. Malt nougat plus chocolate has always been a winning combination for me. And caramel. Please, let’s add caramel to everything. In the UK, the Milky Way lacks caramel, which makes it a 3 Musketeers. In the UK, the Mars Bar is the equivalent to the American Milky Way.
  4. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Anything with peanut butter and chocolate is the best. Peanut Butter cups are the best of all the Reese’s products. They are a classic and go great with milk. Although I love the Peanut Butter Cups, I’m not a fan of Reese’s Pieces. In the category of small peanut butter candies, I prefer peanut butter M&M’s because they give me more chocolate and peanut butter.
  5. Baby Ruth. Two pop culture moments are directly related to Baby Ruth bars. One may give you warm fuzzies while the other might make you never want to enter a public pool again. I actually have grown to love the taste of the bar as an adult. The peanuts have grown on me over the years. Of course, it also has caramel.

Honorable Mentions: Snickers, Peanut Butter M&M’s, and Mr. Goodbar (because I am an old person).

The absolute worst Halloween candy, if you can even call it candy, is candy corn. I know lots of people rag on it, it’s well deserved. Every time it shows up at a party or people give it to me, I am so disappointed and disgusted. It tastes like sugar with a hint of food dye. There is nothing yummy or chocolatey or caramely about sugar and food dye.

Argue with me if you must — I consider it a challenge to find out why people actually like candy corn.

By Alyson

Queer Pop Culture Junkie in the Northwest. Addicted to Coffee, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Fantasy Sports, The Mountain Goats, and Tottenham Hotspur.

4 replies on “The Persephone Magazine Halloween Candy Ranking”

Candy corn is the WORST. I do, however, have a friend who loves it. One of her favorite things about fall is buying a bag of candy corn. I don’t get it. Before meeting her I was half convinced it was only sold for decorative purposes. :-p

As for my top five, I think they’d probably be snickers, skittles, twix, Hersey’s dark chocolate with almonds, and kit kats. Honorable mentions go to almond joys, sweet tarts, and laffy taffy. :)

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