News in Europe: Knock, knock.

Who’s there? Well, will you look at that, it’s Ebola and ISIS.

Because the world is a bad, bad place, and if you don’t laugh, you’ll end up crying in the middle of the supermarket, I put something funny at the end of all this grief.

A Spanish nurse has contracted Ebola after insufficient care seems to have been taken to reduce the risk of the spread of the virus. The sick nurse was looking after the two missionaries who died in Madrid after contracting the disease in Africa.

Islamic State troops have closed in on Kurdish towns on the border between Syria and Turkey, which is close enough to Europe to make everyone a bit jumpy. Kurdish demonstrators are appealing to the European Parliament to take action against the Islamists.

A Red Cross worker was killed in Ukraine last week. The fighting in Donetsk continues.

Remember the Estonian “spy” arrested by Russians a couple of weeks ago? Estonia has responded by arresting two ex-KGB officers who crossed the border from Russia. Standoff!

Poland now has a female Prime Minister! It doesn’t look like she’ll dare to have a feminist agenda, though.

Denmark is set to hold a referendum on EU opt-outs. The country is in danger of being forced to leave Europol due to opting out of EU legislation on justice and home affairs. The referendum could lead to Danes opting in to certain parts of EU legislation on a case-by-case basis.

Those Brits just can’t help themselves. Andy Street, the most senior executive at John Lewis, has called France a “hopeless” country after he received a plastic award in Paris a few days earlier. No, you read that correctly.

Siegfried Lenz, one of the most important German post-war writers, has died aged 88. This is sad. His stories of life in Masuria are beautiful; alas, they don’t seem to be available in English.

Are you crying yet? Let this woman take your pain away. And do try this at home!

Until next week!