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New Show Recap: How to Get Away with Murder 1×11 “Best Christmas Ever”

Wait, what? Best CHRISTMAS ever? Um, it’s February. Oh, ok, we’re flashing back. Got it. Annalise is in a hotel in Philly, raiding that minibar like she’s the fifth member of Motley Crüe or something. She’s so busy partying with her new friends, Mr. Smirnoff and the Grey Goose, that she won’t even take Officer Sexy’s phone calls.

Eventually, she sobers up and heads home where her sister-in-law, FBI Agent Dana Lewis Hannah, is waiting on some answers. So Annalise gives her some. Here’s a whole box of evidence showing that Sam Keating knocked that girl up then killed her and that’s why he ran away. Merry Christmas, your brother’s a killer.

Class is now back in session and semester two of “How to Get Away with Murder” has begun. Oooh, we get to read everyone’s “How I Spent My Christmas Vacation” reports! And by read their reports, I mean we’re gonna have some flashbacks. It wouldn’t be HTGAWM without the flashbacks.

Laurel’s thrilled to see the others and gives Wes an awkward hug, Michaela shows up with a fake ring she bought in Chinatown to replace the one she lost the night of the murder, and Connor drops the news on them that Sam’s sister is in town which he thought they knew already. No, those do not look like the faces of people who knew. Wes confronts Annalise and asks her why she didn’t tell him. “You’ve got enough on your plate,” she tells him. I’m tellin’ y’all, she’s got that maternal vibe when she’s with him. Can we get Maury back in here? “You ARE the mother!”

Bonnie interrupts family time to tell Annalise there’s a potential new client waiting for her, something about a DUI. Convinced that it’s a gawker or a member of the press, Annalise decides to mess with her.

Well, well, well… she was right, it’s not a DUI case. It’s a bizarre kidnapping case. This woman claims that her husband is holding two girls captive in their basement. She tells them her story, about how she met him when she was 16, about how she couldn’t have any children, about how she was scared of her husband and didn’t know what to do when he brought the first victim home. The Keating Five don’t want to represent her but Annalise understands Battered Woman Syndrome in a way that they never will. So she’s hoping to get a plea deal for the client. The woman tells them where the girls are if they promise they won’t charge her. Oh, by the way, there’s no guarantee the deal will stick so make sure everything the client says is recorded.

Flashback: Wes and Rebecca in his apartment with their little Charlie Brown Christmas tree. There’s a card for Rudy, the guy who lived there before. Aww, his Grandma sent him some cash. Wes is trying to piece together some clues… the fact that Rudy’s relatives don’t know his new address and those scratches on the apartment wall. Hey Wes, here’s a clue. Your girlfriend’s a loser and she probably killed that dude.

The sister-in-law shows up at the courthouse, talking about how there’s a lead on Sam’s “missing persons” case, claiming that somebody saw Sam at a rest stop in upstate New York. Oh ok.

It’s now Christmas Day in West Palm Beach and Laurel is having dinner with her familia. Her very wealthy familia. I think we can safely assume she’s the black sheep of the family. Everyone else wants to talk about nannies and golf and she wants to talk about murder. Papa shoos her away from the table.

Back in the present time, she’s telling Frank about how Connor’s SUV is full of evidence. You think he didn’t think of that already?

There’s now a hearing in the kidnapping case but the Judge isn’t going to honor that plea deal until she hears from the victims. And the Keating Five still isn’t happy about taking this case in the first place, especially Asher who is acting like a toddler when it comes to Bonnie.

Annalise is heading to Nate’s knowing damn well that Agent Dana Lewis her SIL is following her. A brief confrontation ensues before Annalise heads inside for some sexy time. Nate tells her that he told his wife about her. “She wants me to be happy.”

Goth Girl with her “bold Kendall Jenner braids” wakes Wes up when he starts screaming in his sleep.

Time for a quick flashback to Connor’s Christmas break. His sister tries to set him up but he’s got a boyfriend, he tells her. He’s got it bad for Oliver. And Oliver’s got it bad for him too but he knows Connor is bad news. Oliver lets him stay long enough to watch The Thorn Birds but then he’s got to go. Uh oh. He ain’t going anywhere. His car is stolen. He tells Frank the next day. “Well did you call the police?” Ha! Yes, let’s get the police involved. Brilliant idea, Frank. Hold up… Frank’s not stupid. But he’s going to pretend to be.

The kidnapping victims testify, telling the judge that Jackie was good to them. She was not a willing participant in this whole deal. In fact, she even brought them milk to help them relax and to forget what her husband was going to be doing to them. Wait, she drugged them? Oh, honey. That’s not going to help your case. She asks Annalise if she’s ever been raped. Annalise’s mouth doesn’t answer but her face does.

Meanwhile, back at Chez Keating, the gang is reviewing the case. Wes notices something odd about how Jackie refers to the victim’s baby that died. What if the baby didn’t die? What if the baby is alive and their client knows where she is? But she’s not talking without that plea deal.

Christmas Eve and Frank is at the bar with Asher, having a typical dudebro conversation. Back to the present and Bitter Asher is giving Bonnie a hard time because his fee-fees got hurt.

Annalise is trying to get the whole story from their client but she’s still not telling them where the girl is. Fine. Get her the deal if it means finding the little girl and her giraffe.

Laurel is on to Michaela and her perky “perfect Christmas” story. Wes admits that he’s having nightmares. And Connor is about to lose his shit. He doesn’t trust any of them. And of course Hannah, with her impeccable timing, shows up right when the gang is having another one of their little spats. Here’s another Christmas flashback: Michaela’s paranoia about her fiance being on the down low gets to her and she makes a fool out of herself at a Christmas party, embarrassing him in front of a colleague, so he postpones the wedding until she gets her shit together.

Hannah is a huge thorn in everybody’s side right now and now she’s getting under Bonnie’s skin, rubbing all up on her and asking her for help. Back at the courthouse or jail or wherever, Annalise lets that woman know that she is going to jail for a very long time. Oh, and get you a new lawyer, girl. There was no deal; Annalise is just a very good liar.

Oliver has a moment of weakness, admitting that Connor is like a drug to him. Frank and Annalise are talking about handling things, like setting up that supposed Sam spotting in New York and how Hannah is making the Scooby Gang nervous. Annalise and Hannah go at it again over a bowl of Brussels sprouts and Annalise finally offers to do an impromptu AMA for her nosy sister-in-law.

Now anyone who has spent time in Shondaland knows how they like to drop the big bombs on us in the last 3 minutes of the show. Well how’s this one for you? Sam’s body has been found!

WHAAAAT???

By April

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream.

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