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Mental Illness

Caregiving: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas

I’ve been watching Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. I’ve laughed, cried, felt my heart soar and ache, and wondered how it is that fiction can be so deeply touching. I keep coming back to something Emily Gilmore says; I wonder how this character, this fiction, has struck me so thoroughly in the heart. She […]

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Fight Song

This has been the song on constant repeat. The soundtrack to my coming out of hibernation. The tune that I have reached for as I feel myself turning into a ball of stress. Winter has come and gone. Spring has bobbed ever closer; no longer a speck on the horizon, but a season that has […]

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: A Ready-Made Christmas

The idea of a Christmas made up of beautiful homemade gifts, cards, decorations, and food is so enticing. Social networks are covered in ideas shared and tried. It is the season for giving, and the thought that counts seems to count more when the gifts are handmade. Banquets big and small ought to be labours […]

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Surrender

There comes a time to surrender. I can’t see how I will ever make my peace with it, but I endeavour to achieve acceptance.

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Monsters, Furniture, and Awareness

October seems to be the month of awareness. I feel very aware of mental illness. I watch it drag him down, bring him to his knees, smack him around for good measure. It’s interesting to see the manifestations of mental illness when personified or anthropomorphised. What kind of monster will it be? If I’m honest, […]

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: The Big Reveal

Except it’s been there all along: his diagnosis.

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Delicate

It is easy to get lost in jargon when talking about mental health. I endeavour to keep conversation comfortable; I talk about my husband’s mental health issues. Issues. It is such a delightfully benign word to use. Issues. It suggests an easy to read pamphlet. Bullet points, perhaps? Issues. In my attempt to be delicate, […]

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Mental Illness

I Am Never Getting Better and That’s OK

I have come to realize recently that my struggles with mental health are always going to be there. I can’t magically make my depression, anxiety, and PTSD disappear. I can’t magically change my brain into a neurotypical one. 

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Fear

Wearing his shirt isn’t meant to be dramatic. It’s soft and comfortable. It was in reach as I tumbled out of bed, bleary-eyed. All would be well by the afternoon. A hospital admission just to be on the safe side, that was all. Not his doing. Doctors who care. Gratitude for that helps to balance […]

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Mental Illness

Stigma

Content Warning: Discussions of suicide, self harm, and mental illness. I have made it another week.

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: The Love Of A Good Woman

This post originally appeared on July 30, 2012.  Or: “Juniper reads Fifty Shades of Grey and was utterly appalled.”

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: The Danger of Wishing

Wishes are something I have always been cautious of. I can’t offer one singular reason. It isn’t a fear of the supernatural, I don’t believe wishes are real. I don’t believe that by uttering the words, some force may impose good or ill upon me. I’m uncomfortable with them, nonetheless.

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Pillow Talk

It’s been too long. Cushions everywhere and wrapped up in a blanket, I feel like I could sink into sleep far too easily. Come, it’s late, there are more blankets. Quilt, comforter, fleece, wool. Cushions and pillows, too. The blinds are down and curtains are drawn. There’s the patter of three sets of paws looking […]

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Dear Hogfather

Dear Hogfather,

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Mental Illness

Caregiving: Schrödinger’s Overdose

Winter is coming. The nights are drawing in. The cold descends and creeps through our home. Maybe it wasn’t inevitable. It’s easier to think that it was.