I had a baby in September, so according to the tenets of Internet wisdom – which, of course, hold that if you have any experience with a topic whatsoever, you should immediately present your anecdotal evidence as expert testimony to a thirsting public – I’m way overdue to start giving parenting advice. And since I […]
I promise there is a picture of a cat at the end of this post.
It’s Monday, and my littlest one has gone on holiday without me. I miss him so, and going through all those pictures of him, I gloss over the past by wishing he was still a baby and here with me. In reality, I didn’t sleep for 18 months.
Double episode tonight! Everything’s going to be wrapped up! Probably. So, Bryan and David are working on planning their wedding, one which I’m sure is strictly ceremonial since it’s still not legal for gay couples in California to marry. Unfortunately, Bryan and David have very different tastes. Literally, as right now they’re arguing about cake. […]
You’re Joking, Right?
That’s it. It’s gone too far. I just cannot even imagine how someone thought this was a good idea. I don’t know how it became a lucrative business opportunity. Oh, wait, yes I do. In this world we live in, we must do everything in real time. We must invite everyone into every corner of […]
Okay, maybe not the most fair title, since I am currently quite full of cold-related snot myself, but come on, kids are reservoirs of snot. Just admit it.
The Whole Kid Thing
I went to the bridal shower of my best friend from elementary school this weekend. There were a number of other people I grew up with there, and more than a few of them had teenage kids. I am 33 years old.
I never wanted to be someone’s mother. In fact, until a few years ago, the very thought of pregnancy made me collapse with anxious dry-heaves. I was happy to have my dogs and to enjoy my niece and nephew. But giving birth and having babies myself straight up grossed me out and made me panic. […]
There are terrible things about babies, and there are awesome things about babies. What’s exceptionally awesome? Their inability to fake an emotion. Babies are the most brutally honest people you’ll meet.
Babies Are Assholes
Babies are assholes. There. I said it. They’re little jerks who steal our time, our money, our social lives, our sleep, our personal drive. They make every moment about them-them-them and they never say thank you. Seriously. Don’t have one. Never have one. No one should ever have one.
Parenting the Lazy Way
I’m trying to parent my first (and only child) like I might parent a second. Also known as the lazy way. And I don’t mean sitting my son in front of the television. As my best friend’s mom once said, “Put away the books and parent your child.” I like to think lazy is old-timey […]
This week, Gabe finally left behind the baby-potato stage for good: he started crawling. This, in conjunction with his new diet involving solid foods, has forced me to reconsider my offspring. No longer is he just an infant, a squalling lump with a propensity for pooping through his clothing, but he’s a baby on the […]
Last year, I made one resolution: to give birth to a healthy child who wouldn’t grow up to kill and eat people. Thus far, I’m willing to say I’ve succeeded. This year, my resolution is again Gabe-centric: to accept the limits of what I can do with our time together, and to enjoy what I […]
Traveling With a Baby: A Ladyguide
Unfortunately, teleportation isn’t yet possible. So if you need to travel this holiday season and have the means, going by air is your fastest option. And it sucks. It sucks if you’re old. It sucks if you’re young. It sucks if you do it every week, or if it is your first time. No matter […]
Let’s face it: tiny kids can be hard to shop for. It seems like everything’s either a choking hazard or so loud and obnoxious that it’ll mysteriously break or disappear in the night before the grownups start beating their heads against the wall. Here are a few ideas for the tiny person in your life […]