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Ladyguides

Ladyguide: Creating a Red Wedding for Bed Bugs

Like most fashion trends, interesting music, and fads, it takes a while for the Next Big Thing to reach the Midwest. Apparently, fucking bed bugs are no exception. 

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Life

Wash Before You Wear!

I have a few quirks when it comes to how I deal with germy things. I refuse to keep my toothbrush in the bathroom because I’m convinced that microscopic bits of poop will get on it from people flushing. I get checked for STDs way more often than necessary. 

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Life

The Real Housewives of NY Never Have To Deal With This Shit – Part 2

Part two of my exciting bedbug saga, in which I make my exciting television debut! So, as you’ll recall: I am suing my landlord, Sam, who constantly calls me by my last name.  I have enraged my roommate Gabby, who is being bullied by Sam to get me to drop the suit. And I have […]

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Life

The Real Housewives of NY never have to deal with this shit

Several years ago when I lived in Brooklyn, before bedbugs were the scourge of the rich and famous, they were the scourge of everyone else, including yours truly.  For a few weeks I noticed some welts. I decided I was having an allergic reaction to something and dismissed them. Then a couple weeks later I […]

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Pop Culture

The Apocalypse is Nigh: Bridalplasty on E!

Oh for the fuck of shit.  I’m sorry for the salty language, but trust me the ladies at my childhood church would be saying the same thing.  It really is the end times, and some sort of supreme being is going to come flying down here on a hover Roomba and get us all with […]